Difficult situation

[Emmalevine]

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm really struggling right now.

To cut a long story short, I'm in a long distance relationship, both boyfriend and I have health problems and have visited eachother twice in 8 months. We skype everyday but over time I've felt we don't have as much in common as I'd have liked. He has a very black and white view of the world that doesn't emcompass anything spiritual. I've also started to feel that I need more than occasional visits. I crave companionship and fear I will still be waiting around for this guy in several years without really getting much from the relationship.

I want to put my doubts across to him and suggest we just leave this open for now as there are too many difficulties to make it work. Perhaps if we were seeing eachother more often we could build a foundation and even see through our differences but I'm not sure if that's possible.

If I do end it, how and when do I tell him. People around me have suggested telling him in person when he next visits. I have to admit I'd feel more respectful telling him in person. But the problem is I don't know when he'll next be able to visit although he hopes it will be this month. This option will mean carrying on as things are with our chats and not mentioning it. Otherwise I could tell him via skype, on the phone or write him a letter or email. I'm not sure about the last option. I'm naturally introverted and fear I won't be able to get myself across properly.

I suppose I'm also concerned that I'm rushing into ending this when we've seen each other so rarely. I stayed for three days in January and it was nice to be with him although just being away from my home and responsibilites might've contribted to the good feeling.

I have health limitations and so does he, so it won't be easy for me to find a boyfriend, although I obviously don't want to use that excuse to stay with him.

I have a child and house where I live whereas he lives with his mother and has family nearby. Due to health and other factors it's simply not possible to spend long periods of time together at the moment.

I know it can only be my decision but I really don't know whether to stay with him, give it longer, or tell him my doubts and end it. I don't want to throw away something potentially good but at the same time I don't want to be waiting for a long time for something that won't work. I'm trying to use spiritual values in the sense maybe this relationship is giving me something good, perhaps I should be grateful for what it is etc, but I can't get past the feeling that I've lost heart in it. This upsets me because I know he's going to be devastated if I end it out of the blue. He is almost certaintly under the impression our arrangement works for us. He also feels that things might change in the future so that we can see eachother more although I don't see how.

Any thoughts?

[Emmalevine]

Well I couldn't bear it eating away at me so I spoke to my bf via skype about our relationship. I said I wasn't sure whether he would work long term, that I was struggling with how things are and that while I like him I don't know if this is enough for me right now. It was very awkward and difficult but these feelings have eaten away at me and needed to be said.

He asked if I was breaking up with him...I said no...but said I can't be sure re the future and I felt I needed to see him more. He said I needed to do what's right and not to worry about him but it was clear it was very hard for him. I said I couldn't be certain about our future but suggested I go and stay with him for a week or so and see how things go.

So lots of uncertainty but I was honest. I do feel I've left him in a state of limbo though.

[sound]

Good on you for being honest and upfront Starbuck ... all the best with however it unfolds

[Emmalevine]

Thank you Sound. I do feel better for being honest with him.

[Emmalevine]

We broke up. Disappointing but for the best.

Back to the singles' drawing board!

Originally Posted by Starbuck

We broke up. Disappointing but for the best.

Back to the singles' drawing board!

The end of something...is also the beginning of something new : )

[Emmalevine]

Yes very true Shabby, thanks for the reminder!

Aww Starbuck there's Mr. Right out there for you somewhere I believe

[froebellian]

What I say.. if you have to think about it - then its not right for you right now, so deep down you made the decision already..

[Natasha]

Hi Starbuck, I have seen your previous posts about your relationship and for what its worth, I think you have made the right decision for you. I was curious to see how this worked for you as I've been wondering what I need in someone too (i.e could I now be with someone who wasnt into Spirituality as much as me) but at the end of the day, it really boils down to the connection you feel and I think your gut tells you anyway as much as its sometimes hard to go with that because it makes you feel conflicted, but normally deep down you know what you need to make you happy. I think it was really good that you listened to that gut instinct and instead of agonising too much longer decided to speak your truth. It sounds as if you feel some sort of relief and I'm sure you have learned more about what you will need from a future partner.