Should I be friendly

[astralsuzy]

Wow, you are amazing. I will pm you but not now. It is late and I am going to bed.

[astralsuzy]

Hi all, this is an old post as you can see. I wanted to let everyone know I found out the reason why I was not invited to my cousins wedding. My cousin thought I was trying to take her boyfriend away from her. I would never do that. I have my husband and I do not want anyone else. I would not do that to anyone even if I wanted that person. Her boyfriend used to kiss me on the cheek to say goodbye.
I am friendly towards my cousin and I have forgiven her. We are not friends and I do not want to be. She used to come to my home for lunches but that stopped long ago. I will be seeing her on Saturday at my sister in laws home. I will say hello to her and talk for a short while. To be honest I do not like her.

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

Hi all, this is an old post as you can see. I wanted to let everyone know I found out the reason why I was not invited to my cousins wedding. My cousin thought I was trying to take her boyfriend away from her. I would never do that. I have my husband and I do not want anyone else. I would not do that to anyone even if I wanted that person. Her boyfriend used to kiss me on the cheek to say goodbye.
I am friendly towards my cousin and I have forgiven her. We are not friends and I do not want to be. She used to come to my home for lunches but that stopped long ago. I will be seeing her on Saturday at my sister in laws home. I will say hello to her and talk for a short while. To be honest I do not like her.

Hi Astralsuzy, ah - jealousy and the topic of weddings - very sensitive subjects indeed, and this combined... Try to find it in your heart to forgive her as this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her having what I refer to as a jealousy-brain. Lately, for the first time in my life, I too have had my normal brain "move out" and was replaced by a "jealousy-brain". All I can say about it now - is that I will never envy anyone who has a jealousy-brain, it is the most awful thing to have, the one who is jealous is feeling so bad, you don't want to know. Before I use to be on the other side, that is it was my love that was jealous of me and I could never understand it, now I do. I totally do.

Weddings... that subject broke me and my ex apart, we went from having it all to nothing in one breath. He was highly sensitive and would work himself up emotionally, and when he was on the roll he had a hard time stopping himself and I too could not stop him. I never gave him a chance to make it up to me. I don't take it well when people try to humiliate me and when I was young I would just sink into that state, the deep blue state, and could not even communicate how I felt, so even when he found find me and say "Please, talk to me" I was still frozen and could not get out of my state. Little did I know I was a "runner". Hopefully with age I will improve and by working on myself in that regard. Anyways I had him talking to me the other night - he's dead but it was in a dream state. He said the reasons why he was so fix on having us elope was that there was only one person he considered his family - and that was his mom who had died way before I even met him, and that he would miss his mom not being there so frightfully much and feel envious that my mom would be there - that he did not know how to take it. He was jealous. Also he said by the time we got engaged he thought he would climb higher in his career and make more money (I was the one making more money, even if it was not much) and instead he had not gotten to that stage (yet, I later learn he would) and he felt like a failure, that people would talk behind his back and that I would be the provider. That he would look at my mom at our wedding and know how disappointing she would be in him - and my choice of marrying him. He said he just froze up in his thoughts and said things to me that he knew I was not responsible for and could not help. He wanted to say he was sorry.

I always thought that he dumped me because he was unsure if he wanted to marry me or not, unsure if he really loved me that much and I thought maybe because we were so young he still desired his youth and freedom. He said none of that was true, "you were my life".

He said his death was not suicidal but close to and that he was playing with his life, if it happened, it happened and at the same time he felt as if nothing could kill him, he was reckless. So not even he was sure why he died like he did, it just happened. He conveyed too that he had always loved me from the start and always would (I told him the same, but did not mean it in a romantic way and I don't think he meant it that way either) and that everything was going to turn out alright, "you just have to have faith". he too said before "you have to stay, and you have to talk to people. we all mess up sometime but you have to have faith in yourself that you will not break if they hurt you again, you are strong enough". When i woke up I felt peace and as if the last breath of our relationship just took a final sigh and something left me, and it was closure. All this time I have afterwards been making fun of weddings and tried to behave myself if I have been on one as I understand they look at it different. It was all due to my own bitterness. When I was pregnant with my love's baby (different man) he told me that we have to get married now and I was like why? and hell no I am not getting married just because I'm pregnant and so forth. Weddings can look so different, so can marriages. I realize now that I wanted it so bad that time, when I was young, that when it was taken from me, I decided I would never be so blue-eyed and vulnerable again, no body, no man, would make me so vulnerable ever again. So I just decided I don't want it. That way I would not be vulnerable to anyone. They would not have anything on me.

the thing with jealousy, at least for me - when i found myself being insanely jealous of a waitress when me and my love was in a restaurant was that I was so jealous of her - like hate jealous - because I really liked her. It was not that I did not like her. I liked her so much that I thought my love would like her too - a lot. Thing is she was a sweet heart to me throughout, but a lot of people are - I don't know why really. They get in their head that I look to be very kind and without me doing anything or saying anything I have accidentally brought out their own kind side.

So with this said I think it is a high possibility that your cousin really likes you.

It is sad your cousin did this to you after all you have been there for her. She has problems with herself. I think once she get pass this thing she will get how dumb she has acted and say she is sorry. weddings overall make people strange. i don't know what it is. So far I have not heard of a single wedding that went the way people wanted them too, always something to mess up the perfect plan.

[astralsuzy]

Thanks asearcher. My cousin does like me. She hugs me and is very nice. As I said I am nice to her but I do not want to be friends with her. My heart was ripped apart and it hurt very bad when I was not invited to her wedding. I went through a hard time. It took years to finally start to feel better when my cousin was around. I feel sorry for people who have been hurt and finding it hard to get over it. I did not like being angry and upset but I could not help it. I am not like that now.

If my cousin apologised to me I would have forgiven her and would likely be friends with her. She never apologised.

Hi astralsuzy.. This is my ex husband's story. My ex husband and his male cousin were very close. More like brothers. They did everything together, and when we got married, he was always round at our house. When our son was born, he was more excited than us !!... This was in 1986... And when the boy was christened , the cousin was his Godfather. And the closeness remained. Then the cousin met a lady, and eventually they were planning their own wedding. The cousin told my husband that he wanted our son to be pageboy. But when the wedding invites came it only included our two names, and no mention of our son, or indeed of him being pageboy. My husband, confused , rang his cousin to see whether there had been an "over-sight" .... There hadn't. Not only was our child suddenly not page boy...but children , full stop , were not invited to the wedding. Adults only. My husband was not happy. Asva result he told his cousin that we would not be attending the wedding. I kept out of the argument, it was between them. But I did however send a nice card and gift, to show that even though we wouldn't attend, we did wish them well. The card and gift were sent back. The gift, smashed to pieces. Later , we learned from family members that did attend, there were children at the wedding from "her" side. This of course, caused the rift to widen even further... As a result , the cousins never saw each other , or spoke again. And our son, never had any more contact with his Godfather again. And they had shared a very close bond. That is, until 1916.. almost 30 years later, when the "cousin" attended my ex husband's funeral. He and my son rekindled their strong bond, and the cousin could do nothing but cry and cuddle my son , with the distress of all the wasted years.

.....sorry... Meant 2016.... In above post

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

Thanks asearcher. My cousin does like me. She hugs me and is very nice. As I said I am nice to her but I do not want to be friends with her. My heart was ripped apart and it hurt very bad when I was not invited to her wedding. I went through a hard time. It took years to finally start to feel better when my cousin was around. I feel sorry for people who have been hurt and finding it hard to get over it. I did not like being angry and upset but I could not help it. I am not like that now.

If my cousin apologised to me I would have forgiven her and would likely be friends with her. She never apologised.

well if she never apologized prove she still has a way to go before knowing better and it is a good thing you keep her at distance. I am so sorry she did this to you.

[astralsuzy]

Hi Elfin, that would be very hurtful and hard to get over it. At least it worked out in the end. Thanks for sharing what happened.



Thank you asearcher. I will be nice to my cousin when I see her on Saturday. I have been nice to her for years now. I will keep my distance. I am fine now. I get on with my life. I do not have any bitter feelings which is good. It was awful to be like that. I never want to be like that again. That was a long time ago.

Originally Posted by Elfin

.....sorry... Meant 2016.... In above post

Why did they do that in the first place, Elfin?

[RuberPeach]

The Zuzana Doll I've found in Shop with toys.