Are You Good At Forgivness?

[Flexi-Girl]

I am curious how people here are with forgiveness. Do you find you forgive easily or hold onto stuff more?

[inavalan]

You asked as if forgiveness is something indisputably good. Forgiveness implies a negative reaction that you have and that you magnanimously forgo.

You, intentionally or unintentionally created what's happened, so the only reaction should be to further create what you want, neither forgive, nor get upset, nor anything else. Be creative, not reactive!

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by inavalan

You asked as if forgiveness is something indisputably good. Forgiveness implies a negative reaction that you have and that you magnanimously forgo.

You, intentionally or unintentionally created what's happened, so the only reaction should be to further create what you want, neither forgive, nor get upset, nor anything else. Be creative, not reactive!

Forgiveness could be a creative act.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Forgiveness could be a creative act.

What do you mean? Can you give an example?

Do you mean to forgive yourself? You don't need to.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by inavalan

What do you mean? Can you give an example?

You say we created what's happened intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps the act of forgiving someone could create the space for a better outcome.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

You say we created what's happened intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps the act of forgiving someone could create the space for a better outcome.

I don't follow, probably because we have different beliefs about what reality is ... By "intentionally or unintentionally" I meant that you create by default. You create what you focus on. If you don't control your focus, either because you don't pay attention, or because you aren't able to, then you create unconsciously.

Somebody posted about how he wanted something very strongly, it didn't materialize, then he gave up because he wanted something else, and his first wish materialized. His conclusion was on the lines that when you give up, your wishes materialize. What actually happened was that embedded in his strong wish there was the doubt that his wish won't materialize. When he stopped thinking about that, there was no more doubt, and the wish materialized, as there was no contradictory wish to prevent it anymore.

[Rah nam]

to me, forgiveness is synonymous to letting go


and the people around you, who might have a part in this role play, are just that, players in your theater


ultimately, its about your development in this reality

Originally Posted by Rah nam

and the people around you, who might have a part in this role play, are just that, players in your theater

What does this kind of mean, Rah nam? That their actions are predestined? We ignore it all?

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by Rah nam

to me, forgiveness is synonymous to letting go


and the people around you, who might have a part in this role play, are just that, players in your theater


ultimately, its about your development in this reality

Best advice one person can give to another.

[Angel lite plus]

Don't try to forgive too much. Especially with people who take, and take. The takers.

Cultivating a feeling of indifference is more important in order to stay balanced. But the difficulty with this comes when some environmental stimulus tends to take a hold of you, screwing up your balance, usually relating to emotional aspects.

If you're a "natural" forgiving person, try to get angry at someone and see if the person will forgive you instead of the other way around. Then if the individual will forgive you, it will be harder for you to get angry the next time due to feelings of guilt. If he/she doesn't forgive, you tend to get anxious, because you "broke" your own standard or ethos, your own rules, not getting any feedback.

The main point here is to expand your own boundaries. This conjures up a lot energy that you can use if you do.

Don't feel guilty when you become angry. Do not pay all too much attention to some of the exoteric guidelines from spiritual teachers who always say you have to "be good" or be positive. You need to balance things out.

You want to appreciate "divine madness" , as i heard one courageous Buddhist monk say.