Ghosting and Narcissism

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by JKMcKay

I think quite a few of narcissist men disproportionately date a larger number of women. Since the traits tend to rub off on the other person....I see quite a bit of the traits in women in my opinion. I don't know they would be considered a full blown narcissist necessarily but displaying tendencies.

Again, the same thing occurs the other way round. But it doesn't rub off. It's not contagious, it's a personality disorder.
The narcissistic men I know of did not date a lot of women either, most were/are in a steady relationship.
Also, they go for vulnerable women and such women don't become like a narcissistic a-hole. So women who have dated a narcissist aren't suddenly biotches. They're usually left in ruins and need years to recover. Some never do. It's a long, long road.

The problem these days is that the term narcissism is used more often, including by people who don't even know what the hell they're talking about, and they then mis-use it.
It's really annoying for those who've been a victim of a real narcissist, not the type most mean with the word: someone who's a bit self-centered.
But someone who is self-centered and maybe even selfish, isn't the same as a narcissist.
That's the problem with it becoming a normally used term.
Even Matthew Hussey -dating coach- speaks of it but even he doesn't seem to understand what it truly is.

Having similar tendencies or behaviour does not make someone a narcissist.

Originally Posted by JKMcKay

Hi asearcher, thanks for the long share, and that sounds like quite a pickle.

Perhaps, try to react as little as you can to this offending person to give them as little ammunition as possible.

I couldn't be with a partner that tried to feed me pills. That'd be grounds for termination. I've had enough pills! Boundaries. haha. Best of luck.

Hi JkmcKay, THANK YOU :)


I have now studies some more about the roles children take, as adults too, and the different types there are - and can totally spot my partner, what type he is. That make me more compassionate towards him. I know also understand why he automatically shuts down the way he does. And that it doesn't help that I just get frustrated and feel alone when he does that. This behavior was of course something he learned as a small child, I can imagine. I've never until now really started to look into this.

it's been an eye opener.

You're right, I have to refuse to see myself as someone weak who need to take pills in order to stay with someone. I'm not crazy and I am going to get back on my feet again, just like I have done before :)

[JKMcKay]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Again, the same thing occurs the other way round. But it doesn't rub off. It's not contagious, it's a personality disorder.
The narcissistic men I know of did not date a lot of women either, most were/are in a steady relationship.
Also, they go for vulnerable women and such women don't become like a narcissistic a-hole. So women who have dated a narcissist aren't suddenly biotches. They're usually left in ruins and need years to recover. Some never do. It's a long, long road.

The problem these days is that the term narcissism is used more often, including by people who don't even know what the hell they're talking about, and they then mis-use it.
It's really annoying for those who've been a victim of a real narcissist, not the type most mean with the word: someone who's a bit self-centered.
But someone who is self-centered and maybe even selfish, isn't the same as a narcissist.
That's the problem with it becoming a normally used term.
Even Matthew Hussey -dating coach- speaks of it but even he doesn't seem to understand what it truly is.

Having similar tendencies or behaviour does not make someone a narcissist.

I fully admit to probably not fully understanding the definition. I almost see it now as a bit of a buzz word now where people just go throwing out this person or that person is a narcissist because they didn't get what they wanted or had a disagreement. I certainly didn't to make you feel marinalized. Anyway.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by JKMcKay

I fully admit to probably not fully understanding the definition. I almost see it now as a bit of a buzz word now where people just go throwing out this person or that person is a narcissist because they didn't get what they wanted or had a disagreement. I certainly didn't to make you feel marinalized. Anyway.

Oh, I didn't mean to say you didn't get it as i don't know whether you do or not.
I meant that you see this happening a lot, I guess the right word is the one you used, 'buzz word'. That's what it has become.
And for victims of the narcissist -the one with the personality disorder- this makes it even more difficult to be understood. Due to the nature of what someone with NPD does to you as a partner it's extremely hard to explain to someone and be believed. Now that's it's become a buzz word that has gotten even harder.

The narcissism I'm talking about is the disorder, not the buzz word.
I know just how many women mostly -and granted, some men- fall victim to narcissists AND the destruction they're left with.
I'm lucky I got out with my sanity intact and being as strong as I am, and the strong will to want to recover. But it took a long time, and stuff came up in spite of my hard healing work when I was in a new relationship. I realised then there was still more work to do and that maybe I'd never really 100% get rid of it.
Living with a narcissist is hell on Earth, and I don't mean that as just a phrase.

hi, only wish to say that it does work much better now than before when i had to deal with a narcissist, knowledge is power, could be too because i was no longer vulnerable in thoughts of not placing my partner in the middle, in fact i almost welcomed it, i stood alone and i was honest within myself without consideration to him - and somehow my attitude and the knowing now how to deal with this narcissist - i've never felt safer and stronger. the narcissist backed off big time.

i also in front of everyone brought up the subject of porn and my views on it and that i don't appreciate some sick twisted jokes on my expense all to try to humiliate me as a person and as a woman, and that it only shows how little men works and not real men.

so i guess my conclusion is that the more knowledge i have on narcissistic behavior and above all on how to mark to them - no further - and that you can't play around with me no more, the better it is.

i guess too the narcissist could tell i really had no vulnerability like i did in the past - when i was so busy protecting my partner's feelings and instead taking the insults and the emotional punches, that i these days can simply tell the narcissist, you know what, no matter what you do and what you think - I DON'T CARE. There is nothing you can do to me now, nothing will hurt, nothing will confuse me - I know all there is to know about your sick twisted tricks.

This time instead of me walking around on thin ice my partner later said he felt like he did and was busy trying to look from it from my perspective instead of shutting of like he use to and be almost just as insensitive. i told him before i don't care what you do, that's up to you, I'm use to feeling all alone anyhow in that situation and i am no longer going to try to make you see things from my view (that this other person is really a narcissist), I don't fight anymore to be heard by him, i honestly don't care what he thinks at all at this point, this time finally i am going to do what ever feels 100% right by me and stand up for myself. He can take care of himself. i never ask to be put in a situation where i had to put up with insults from a narcissist that he is related to, i'm not guilty of any crime and i'm not going to sacrifice my own dignity just to make him feel good about himself. my god, i have been such a self sacrificing idiot - and for whom and for what - they are not worth it, they never were.