Is 'Being Yourself' Selfish?

[Shivani Devi]

We have heard it so many times 'just be yourself' but often those who advise us to be like that, don't like the 'self' that we are and forever try and get us to change it.

We are advised to speak from our heart, but then we are accused of being too much 'me-centred' too 'selfish' or expressing our own feelings, needs and desires as if no care is given to those of another when that is not necessarily the case.

So, what if 'being yourself' means to be those things many others may find distasteful, inappropriate or conflict with their beliefs and opinions, yet you are totally happy being who you are?

Are you doomed to wander the earth existentially alone because being who/what you truly are puts you at direct odds with the majority? or do you become who you are not simply to please others and put on a mask so that you are otherwise accepted into society?

I'd love to read replies on this matter. Thank you.

Be you......................no masks.

[Lucky 1]

Well....this might be....or perhaps absolutely will be taken as ego-centric. ......but it is also thoroughly and completely me.....as Popeye said....."I am who I am"

I've have gotten to a point in my life that I have both the money and time to go where I want to go....and do what I want to do.....when I want to do it......and I run my life and my business to suit myself.....and any body that doesn't like it can go to hell!!!

That's the real me!!!!

As a side to that...my friends and my family know that I'm a man of my word....they know they can always count on me.....that I say what I mean...and mean what I say..

Call me the alpha male business owner....but there's not much grey area with me.....

I like myself just fine......and my 10 year old grandson thinks I'm the best! .....and that's good enough for me....

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Lucky 1

Well....this might be....or perhaps absolutely will be taken as ego-centric. ......but it is also thoroughly and completely me.....as Popeye said....."I am who I am"

I've have gotten to a point in my life that I have both the money and time to go where I want to go....and do what I want to do.....when I want to do it......and I run my life and my business to suit myself.....and any body that doesn't like it can go to hell!!!

That's the real me!!!!

As a side to that...my friends and my family know that I'm a man of my word....they know they can always count on me.....that I say what I mean...and mean what I say..

Call me the alpha male business owner....but there's not much grey area with me.....

I like myself just fine......and my 10 year old grandson thinks I'm the best! .....and that's good enough for me....

Yes, being 'self-made' and having a lot of money gives one the entitlement to be who they are and do whatever they want because they can always flaunt it and say "my attitude made me rich...oh look, you poor bugger...what's your attitude done for you?"

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury.

[SaturninePluto]

My favorite movie quote of all time comes to mind here. "People don't much like me, and I don't much like them".

For whatever reason this thread reminded me of it. It is essentially how I feel. Honest truth is people don't like me much. I spent years wondering why. I've spent time trying to change what others don't like. Time trying to figure out exactly what it is they don't like so I can change it.

What I found is I wanted to be liked, but I thought that was a normal and natural feeling.

Truth be told I don't care anymore. There are plenty of people I don't much like in all honesty.

I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. I am constantly told by my very family that I only think about myself.

I do not even want to get into what I do for these people.

Point is despite knowing them all my life, their lives, and that they are family truth be told they don't have a semblance of a clue who I actually am. I feel it may be like this for many people. People only know us as much as the time they take to get to know us A and as much as we ourselves are willing to reveal B.

I don't fully know or understand any of them either.

What I know for certain is I know myself.

Why would I care to be anyone or anything but?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

My favorite movie quote of all time comes to mind here. "People don't much like me, and I don't much like them".

For whatever reason this thread reminded me of it. It is essentially how I feel. Honest truth is people don't like me much. I spent years wondering why. I've spent time trying to change what others don't like. Time trying to figure out exactly what it is they don't like so I can change it.

What I found is I wanted to be liked, but I thought that was a normal and natural feeling.

Truth be told I don't care anymore. There are plenty of people I don't much like in all honesty.

I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. I am constantly told by my very family that I only think about myself.

I do not even want to get into what I do for these people.

Point is despite knowing them all my life, their lives, and that they are family truth be told they don't have a semblance of a clue who I actually am. I feel it may be like this for many people. People only know us as much as the time they take to get to know us A and as much as we ourselves are willing to reveal B.

I don't fully know or understand any of them either.

What I know for certain is I know myself.

Why would I care to be anyone or anything but?

Thank you! That made a lot of sense to me.

My family are exactly the same. I have also spent time in thinking those who decry 'selfish' only do so because they feel their own 'selfish' needs are being unmet, when according to the Celesine Prophecy, the whole of human existence boils down to see who can steal the most energy from everybody else.

I got over wanting to be 'liked' as I figured (going on every life-experience I've ever had) this was basically impossible, but I have settled for wanting to be acknowledged, included in conversation and not being told that I am full of excreta every 5 minutes...but I guess one has to be 'liked' to have all that not happen. lol

Then again, I am made aware that certain people were born basically unpopular to lessen their worldly attachments and make the whole process of ascending much smoother...sometimes I just get bored with creating my own little universe and all the characters within it and I long for a change.

[SaturninePluto]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Thank you! That made a lot of sense to me.

My family are exactly the same. I have also spent time in thinking those who decry 'selfish' only do so because they feel their own 'selfish' needs are being unmet, when according to the Celesine Prophecy, the whole of human existence boils down to see who can steal the most energy from everybody else.

I got over wanting to be 'liked' as I figured (going on every life-experience I've ever had) this was basically impossible, but I have settled for wanting to be acknowledged, included in conversation and not being told that I am full of excreta every 5 minutes...but I guess one has to be 'liked' to have all that not happen. lol

Then again, I am made aware that certain people were born basically unpopular to lessen their worldly attachments and make the whole process of ascending much smoother...sometimes I just get bored with creating my own little universe and all the characters within it and I long for a change.

My current situation is dire. I do not care if people think I am selfish at this time. It has come to a breaking point. I need to be selfish. I need to do what is best for myself right now, I need to be thinking about my future. And I do not care whether or how much my family does or does not like it right now.

I take much of the light-fluff- positivity spirituality with a grain of salt. Not because there is genuinely anything too wrong with it per-se. Sometimes I often admire those with a less troubling path. But I do feel it is very narrow and one sided. I am a firm believer that sometimes, it is actually quite necessary to be self serving. Especially in dire or emergency or tough situations. I have been practicing Shamanism for years. I do not sugar coat things. It isn't a path I'd advise too many to take, especially the variety I am cursed with.

I am not the healer type, at least not in the physical sense, help I offer to be honest is to hone gifts, and is probably considered quite self serving. I am practicing my own intuition. I am not rude or disrespectful to those I work with. I am not mean spirited. I do not charge a fee. I ask for feedback. That is it. I started wanting to help people, and that is what I aim to do, but I do not subscribe to a light fluffy path. I've seen too much of the spirit world to know better than to believe everything is absolute good.

If I wasn't myself I'd be lying to myself. And I refuse to lie.

If people don't like me it is fine, I'd rather them not go out of their way as an enemy but I've had a good share of that too.

I also like to be heard and acknowledged as a fellow human being. I am often not. I do not have many friends, I consider true friends. I do not even see the one's I still do.

I spend hours in internal dialogue with myself. I ask others questions they go unanswered. I am constantly offering guidance help and attempts at answers.

You can not force others to acknowledge you.

The most I myself see fit to do about it is to acknowledge those I can as I have been on the spectrum of not being acknowledged myself at times.

I wish very much so to talk of my spirituality with like minded people. There are not many practicing shamans or natives I have found willing to talk. More than quite enough of them charge for spiritual courses and what have you.

Many websites tell you to be called to shamanism one was be struck by lightening or have a near death experience and be taught by an elder Shaman.

??? The hell is this?

I never had a physical teacher- I am constantly learning by technique trial and error, I have never been struck by lightening, I have had a near death experience. That isn't enough in my opinion.

I asked God to give me a sign to whether I should undertake the path or not. I asked God (Mentally) to let me know then and there whether I was called or not. I made it clear I was serious.

I got the image of a certain feather (belongs to a certain type of bird) and the distinct thought that if I opened my medicine bag it would be there. I opened my medicine bag- the feather was there. I consider the type of bird to be my power animal. That is too strong an indication of a person's type of medicine to ignore.

I've had no peace and quiet ever since.

Just honestly wanted to converse with you Necromancer.

I do not mind your arrogance too much either, it simply doesn't bother me.

Main point is, sometimes we do need to be selfish, sometimes it is for our own good. Whether others take kindly to it or not.

Blessings.

[Lucky 1]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Yes, being 'self-made' and having a lot of money gives one the entitlement to be who they are and do whatever they want because they can always flaunt it and say "my attitude made me rich...oh look, you poor bugger...what's your attitude done for you?"

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury.

My work ethic and drive made me successful....my attitude was not part of it...my grandmother who raised me taught me to be humble...and I try to be as much as I can...but as I said...I am who I am.....and I will admit that my personality tends to be "all go...no quit...high speed ..low drag... get it done kinda guy.
My wife calls me her little tornado!

I would not say I flaunt it...quite the opposite....I pretty much like to be left alone to do my own thing and run under the radar.

I will admit that when I was much younger...making a lot of money came from a desire to have a lot of stuff...

The desire to have a lot of stuff has diminished considerably with age and wisdom. Now it's about time and freedom to ..as I said.....go where I want to go and do what I want to do....basically to live my life on my terms as much as possible....but also a desire to be there for my family...... Success has also allowed me to give heavily to charities....

I am very family oriented and I take good care of them. .....these days, it is mostly my wife who is in charge of accumulating "stuff" Clothes...shoes....decorations for the house

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you Gracey, but how do we cope with others who don't like who we are inside? Do we simply ignore them? Do we find out what it is about ourselves others don't like and change it to become more 'likeable'? Who sets the standards of social acceptability as some kind of 'grand design' into which we all must fit?

Many say that I am arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, not 'mindful' enough, too intimidating, too intolerant...on and on it goes...but this is who I am!

I'm happy being this way, but I am unhappy that others have problem with me being this way, and to change it, means changing myself for others and not for myself just so I can fit in somewhere, when I stand out like a shag on a rock anyway.

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Thank you Gracey, but how do we cope with others who don't like who we are inside? Do we simply ignore them? Do we find out what it is about ourselves others don't like and change it to become more 'likeable'? Who sets the standards of social acceptability as some kind of 'grand design' into which we all must fit?

Many say that I am arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, not 'mindful' enough, too intimidating, too intolerant...on and on it goes...but this is who I am!

I'm happy being this way, but I am unhappy that others have problem with me being this way, and to change it, means changing myself for others and not for myself just so I can fit in somewhere, when I stand out like a shag on a rock anyway.

I spent many years of my life being hated by society for being a red head who didn't fit in with others. Daily I experienced hatred from the people in my environment. I spent many many years alone. It was rough not being part of the crowd, or even having one friend, but ya know what, being alone taught me to be me. to learn my own likes and dislikes, not to be led by the nose of others. Through that and other challenges in my adulthood, where people tried to convince me that i needed to change who i am, I learned that I do not need to look to others for acceptance. I learned to accept my own self. i am detached from the opinions of others, their opinions reveal who they are, not who i am. so, you are arrogant and stuff. so what, be you anyways. it is who you are right now and there is nothing wrong with being you in all your honesty. if you feel you need to change something, then you will.

my ex finance who died was an arrogant, loud mouth guy. not many people liked him, but they didn't know him. they only saw what offended them so they could fuel their own hatred. know what i mean.

you will eventually come across people who accept you for who you are and those will be the people who accepts themselves for who they are.....

you wanting people to like you for who you are shows that you care about them, and that is a good thing. those who like and love you will see that.