Have you found therapy helpful?

[ForeverRestless]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Hi FR. I don't think a good therapist will stick terms on you like limerence, obsession, infatuation, etc. A good therapist will help you to solve your own problems and empower you. Of course, it will be difficult to find anyone outside of someone that has experienced a tf that will fully understand it. There are techniques though that can be helpful.
Personally, I find living more in the moment to be helpful. Concentrating less on the past or future. This is about training your brain to stay in the moment more, there are a number of things that can help with this. Finding things to do that you are passionate about, whether it's pursuing something as a career goal or as a hobby, or learning something you have always wanted to know more about. Keeping a regular workout routine, keeps your mind focused in the moment while you are working out. And yes, meditation does this too. A lot of people think they can't meditate because they can't slow their minds down but this is what mediation does. It helps to eradicate the mind chatter. It takes practice, but I noticed after I had been meditating for a while, that I had less mind chatter even when not meditating.

Is what's bothering you really about twin or is it that you don't think you can find what you had with him with anyone else? Because I understand the tf connection, but I don't necessarily think that it means we don't have other strong connections. Just because you haven't found that with your boyfriend, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Although I think true soul connections are rare. And I understand watching your twin date someone else and thinking it seems so much easier for them to find someone. Maybe for some, it's just easier to find superficial relationships.
I sort of feel the opposite of you though, the idea of never falling in love again or never having a relationship again makes me feel relief. I am perfectly content to spend the rest of my life alone. I just think about how awesome being single is and all the benefits of it, like nobody telling me what to do, or looking at me funny and not understanding the things I want to do, or the things I watch or the things I am interested in. And I look at my friends who are married, and are not allowed to do what they want to do because their husband said no, and I think, that is not how I want to live.

I understand being angry at your twin. I had to work through a lot of that, and even recently, when things started to fall apart, it would be easy for me to just be angry at him. Because if he had been the friend and support system that he told me he wanted to be, I know I could make it through. But with no support system, it may not work. But it doesn't do me any good for myself to walk around with all this anger directed at him or anyone else. Because ultimately, it only hurts yourself. So you just have to keep fighting through it until you let it go.

The numbers are another thing, I still see them too, in fact recently they have become three digit numbers, so they change depending on what's going on. Now I'm seeing 111, 222, 333, 444, 555, 666, 777, 888, 999 all of them. But if it doesn't mean that any real change will ever happen, then it doesn't mean anything at all. To tell the truth, I'm getting sick of positive messages, numbers, all of it... if no real change in life (not just tf) ever really happens. I'm just feeling really over it all. So I'm right there with you in trying to ignore it.

Thanks. I think I am probably automatically defensive against labels and judgement and criticism and such, assuming that's how anyone in a position of authority (a therapist has more tools and emotional intelligence than me, and thus would position herself "above me" in some way) will treat me. My entire childhood and adolescence was fraught with judgement and labels from my parents, so I tend to assume that others look down on me and judge me, including and ESPECIALLY therapists, because they see me as a problem to be fixed. It probably does not help that my last therapist used a judgemental tone with me. I didn't start over because I didn't want to go through the turmoil of telling my whole story to ANOTHER professional, and it was hard enough to get on a counselor's schedule in the first place. This idea of others "looking down on me," "judging me," "criticising" me and "demeaning me" almost certainly came from the way my parents interacted with me, and probably has more influence on the lens through which I view Twin's rejecting behaviors toward me than any of his actual thought processes. He probably has an entirely different set of reasons for acting the way he has with me, but I choose to make him a surrogate for the attitudes and thoughts of my parents, because theirs was the example set that established my entire outlook on the world. Twin never treated me or talked to me the way my parents did; it's my brain that fills in the blanks thinking he mentally disparages me in the same manner that my parents did because his "abandonment" of me activates those old childhood wounds. I need to learn to disassociate his behaviors from my parents' behaviors, but it's hard to do so when he doesn't give me any alternative explanations. My brain tries to fill in blanks with answers I won't ever have... but I need to learn to make peace with Twin despite this. Maybe if I achieve that, I'll actually be able to let it go and move on.

[starstar]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

The difference for us is we WANT relief from this. We want to move on, want other relationships, but don't see to be allowed to. We are constantly being pulled back in.

With obsession, limerance, infatuation, the person does not want to move on.

I'm sorry, how did you figure that? A lot of people with obsession, limerance, etc want to move on. They are also stuck in the land of suffering. Some of these people are seeing therapists as well. It's just kind of interesting how people just come up with statements like this. Like, oh, if it's infatuation, that it's your own fault, but with a twin flame connection, "you are not allowed to move on". Allowed by who, the universe?

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Thanks. I think I am probably automatically defensive against labels and judgement and criticism and such, assuming that's how anyone in a position of authority (a therapist has more tools and emotional intelligence than me, and thus would position herself "above me" in some way) will treat me. My entire childhood and adolescence was fraught with judgement and labels from my parents, so I tend to assume that others look down on me and judge me, including and ESPECIALLY therapists, because they see me as a problem to be fixed. It probably does not help that my last therapist used a judgemental tone with me. I didn't start over because I didn't want to go through the turmoil of telling my whole story to ANOTHER professional, and it was hard enough to get on a counselor's schedule in the first place. This idea of others "looking down on me," "judging me," "criticising" me and "demeaning me" almost certainly came from the way my parents interacted with me, and probably has more influence on the lens through which I view Twin's rejecting behaviors toward me than any of his actual thought processes. He probably has an entirely different set of reasons for acting the way he has with me, but I choose to make him a surrogate for the attitudes and thoughts of my parents, because theirs was the example set that established my entire outlook on the world. Twin never treated me or talked to me the way my parents did; it's my brain that fills in the blanks thinking he mentally disparages me in the same manner that my parents did because his "abandonment" of me activates those old childhood wounds. I need to learn to disassociate his behaviors from my parents' behaviors, but it's hard to do so when he doesn't give me any alternative explanations. My brain tries to fill in blanks with answers I won't ever have... but I need to learn to make peace with Twin despite this. Maybe if I achieve that, I'll actually be able to let it go and move on.

As someone who has studied to be a therapist, I would disagree that they are above you, or have more emotional intelligence than you. You sound like you have plenty of emotional intelligence, all a therapist has is a bit more book information on the subject than you. That doesn't make them an authority over you. If your therapist took a judgmental tone, than I would say they weren't a good therapist. They shouldn't look at you as a problem needing to be fixed, because we all have problems that need to be fixed, even therapists.
It sounds like you know what the problem is, that you are projecting how your parents made you feel onto current relationships. But you also know that this is really not the case (your twin didn't reject you because he felt or acted the same as your parents). So deal with the problem, keep telling yourself that this is not the reason for his rejection. The fact that he didn't give you reasons, doesn't mean that his reasons are the same as your parents. And stop assuming that everyone is automatically looking down on you, that's not the case. And if they are, that says more about them then you anyway.

As for the intimacy issues, are you reluctant to be intimate with your boyfriend because you feel an issue with intimacy in general, or are you reluctant because you know that deep down you do not feel enough for him? If it's the first, that can be worked through by working on what you fear about intimacy. If it's the second, well, you just can't force feelings where feelings do not exist. If you try, it will always sort of be a second hand relationship.

[selene]

I have not been in therapy to get over my twin -although I did use the therapy knowledge to get better and overcome my twin. I believe that therapy is useful, despite the fact that the experience is not typical -and that many therapists might not understand it.

The reason why I believe that is because I honestly believe that while the experience is not typical, our reaction to it is highly dependent on our emotional apparatus -ie, it is typical of us. So, it will depend on your state of mind, your emotional intelligence and readiness, it will bring up psychological issues that need to be dealt with.

I am saying this not wanting to be critical at all, but I read your other post as well, regarding how you view your current boyfriend: I read at some point that you see him as not as intelligent as you or your twin. This is exactly the kind of situation I found myself in two years ago. I met someone who was just perfect, dreamy for every other girl I knew, except he bothered me so much. And I honestly thought that he was 'less intelligent' than me or my twin, despite some of the most intelligent people in my life telling me that this was not the case. That this was a person who was highly educated, cultured, had interesting experiences, the whole package. And he valued me... in all possible ways -and that bothered me too.

In retrospect, no, he was not the non-intelligent one. As a matter of fact, I was acting silly by thinking he was not as intelligent as me -besides the fact that I try to live life by the principle that every person can teach me something, he actually was intelligent enough. It was me, who was just trying to find an excuse to not be in a functioning relationship. And it's okay if I do not want to be in one, but I think that it was not okay to blame it on someone else not being right for me. Thinking back on my therapy days helped me figure that one out. Does this make sense?

[Aldous]

I feel like I went through a couple phases with this connection to my twin and tend to have different thoughts about it at times because of this. I usually consider it to be about 8 years until I could accept the separation. I vaguely remember talking to a psychologist about her after the summer of 1978 when I told him about the incident where she was sitting in the court yard at the community college we went to after the summer after the semester where we were in the same English sci-fi class "together" (ie. close physically), and I was afraid to go up to her even though we kept looking at each other. It was that heart pounding thing and anxiety and also I could feel that powerful energy even though she was sitting 50 ft. away from me - telepathy! I knew it. The obsession was only between us two because of some sort of spiritual phenomenon (before this I thought she had that mysterious charisma effect on everyone). I never heard of the term twin flame or related terms at the time and figured she must be my soulmate, because that was the only term I heard of that could explain it to me at the time. The shrink said after I told him I was afraid to go up to her (to avoid the pain), that she went on to be a racquetball champion as a joke. He didn't understand it. After that I thought to myself that next time I see her I would go up to her, which I did in November on the racquetball courts. That's when I had that amazing experience, which I seem to have been open to at the time, almost like looking into a mirror and seeing myself reflected back at me. Before I felt I was looking into a mirror, I felt that we both had vibrational patterns of some kind which were identical and I felt as if we were like two transceivers transmitting some sort of wave energy back and forth. When I first met her, I didn't feel the connection or recognize her at the time. Over time the connection seemed to have strengthened when in contact with her and then weaken during the separation. How is it that I didn't completely recognize it when we were in class together? I've felt telepathy from other people, but tended to ignore it. I don't like the thought of someone reading my mind either. I wanted to know what makes me so obsessed with her and opened myself up to the telepathy and got the answer. Of course, its spiritual. She's that special one I've known all along.
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...33#post1611733
No one else can substitute for my twin even if she said find someone else which she did in a 2016 email. I feel as if we are married in spirit and imagine her as my bride sometimes even as a mother figure or am I seeing the primordial soul we both come from as our parent? Another time for the fun of it I went up to the social workers at the US Patent and Trademark office (I've used their public searchroom for years) and told them about my out of the body experiences and about my twin. One of them started asking me questions as if he was trying to test me for psychosis. The other social worker said that she talked to a lot of people who claimed to have out of the body experiences, but was not convinced it was true. Afterwards, the guards might have started watching and following me even more than usual because of this. Obviously, they weren’t Hindus or Buddhists. Basically, I found the shrinks are almost completely worthless to me. Group therapy seems to be better for some things and might benefit with the guidance of good open minded shrinks. I tried going to some AA meetings a couple times with a friend, even though I was never a true alcoholic (maybe a weekend one at one time). Discussing your problems with people that can relate to them seems to be better that some sort of western influenced psyche doctor who can't relate to anything spiritual, which seems contradictory. They recognize the conscious mind, but spiritualism is often taboo to some doctors and scientists. I never found any Buddhists at the USPTO, but I’ve talked to a number of Hindus in the area and their philosophy seems similar to new age philosophy.

[ForeverRestless]

Originally Posted by selene

I have not been in therapy to get over my twin -although I did use the therapy knowledge to get better and overcome my twin. I believe that therapy is useful, despite the fact that the experience is not typical -and that many therapists might not understand it.

The reason why I believe that is because I honestly believe that while the experience is not typical, our reaction to it is highly dependent on our emotional apparatus -ie, it is typical of us. So, it will depend on your state of mind, your emotional intelligence and readiness, it will bring up psychological issues that need to be dealt with.

I am saying this not wanting to be critical at all, but I read your other post as well, regarding how you view your current boyfriend: I read at some point that you see him as not as intelligent as you or your twin. This is exactly the kind of situation I found myself in two years ago. I met someone who was just perfect, dreamy for every other girl I knew, except he bothered me so much. And I honestly thought that he was 'less intelligent' than me or my twin, despite some of the most intelligent people in my life telling me that this was not the case. That this was a person who was highly educated, cultured, had interesting experiences, the whole package. And he valued me... in all possible ways -and that bothered me too.

In retrospect, no, he was not the non-intelligent one. As a matter of fact, I was acting silly by thinking he was not as intelligent as me -besides the fact that I try to live life by the principle that every person can teach me something, he actually was intelligent enough. It was me, who was just trying to find an excuse to not be in a functioning relationship. And it's okay if I do not want to be in one, but I think that it was not okay to blame it on someone else not being right for me. Thinking back on my therapy days helped me figure that one out. Does this make sense?

I so, so appreciate all the good-faith responses to my posts, and I have a great admiration for everyone who weighs in, even if they're not able to get inside my head or understand the dynamic between me and my partner. I know it's impossible to understand it from the outside.

I totally see your point about convincing oneself that one's partner is not as intelligent as them as a means of avoiding intimacy, and I've certainly done that in the past, but I don't think that's the actual thing factoring in here, in my current situation.

I want to add that my boyfriend is probably far more intelligent than me in certain ways, but I'm not sure that figures into my decision-making process if he's not as intelligent in the ways that matter to ME. I'm getting exasperated as I notice this discrepancy more. I don't expect everyone to have the same IQ as me, and I know many people with higher IQs and lower IQs than me, which is no problem at all. What's an issue is that I have an expectation that my partner's IQ and type of intelligence will be the same as mine. Trying to come up with a few examples... in just the past week, my boyfriend mixed up the words "scared" and "scarred," not knowing which word was pronounced which way. When he was looking for a bag of raisins in the kitchen cabinet, he said, "I found they," thinking this was the grammatically correct way of saying what he'd found. It's "I found them," of course. When I mentioned a meal I made needed a bit more umami, he said that it was an ingredient in Asian cooking only, and I said no, of course not. It's one of the five flavors: sweet, sour, bitter, salty, umami. (In my head: how could he have gone 45 years of his life without knowing things like this, I wonder?). He will mix up important cultural touchstones, like not knowing the difference between Monet and Manet. He thought my fern I'd been trying to grow to a lush fullness for several years needed to be trimmed back (so glad I stopped him). I've started to realize how many common sense and educational basics are not filed into his brain the way they are in mine. It bothers me more and more as days go by because I know he's my chosen person, the one I've intended to grow old with, and I always thought that person would go step for step with me. I don't want to have to teach him spelling things he should have learned in third grade.

Let me acknowledge that I'm being judgemental and critical when I should be unconditionally accepting and loving, and that my critical nature is probably something learned from the way my parents treated me. They did not love me unconditionally, so they taught me that love is conditional. Thus, I do not love myself due to numerous conditions (my inadequacy), and feel I could not love myself unless I felt "perfect." And likewise, I am applying the same patterns to my relationship, focusing on conditions and criticisms rather than letting unconditional love flow freely. I don't deny that I am a damaged person, but I do have good intentions.

I know I sound horrible, but I just want an equal partnership. This is coming to a head on so many levels. I know how to satisfy him in bed quite well, but he doesn't know how to satisfy me and never attempts to learn. When I try to teach him, he never picks up on the lessons. I can't count the number of times I've had to move his hand because he never can remember the right place to stimulate me. Why are things this challenging for him? Why do I have to keep getting frustrated? The problem is that the more these things come up that I find fault with (which is totally normal as the initial excitement and passion fades in a relationship), I tend to compare them to my Twin. English was not my Twin's first language, but he would not make mistakes like these. And if he did, I'd correct him once and he'd learn from it and never, EVER make the mistake again. He not only knew the difference between Manet and Monet, he knew the work, and he'd go to museums to see it. Then he'd initiate conversations with me on everything from Bahaus to Brancusi, without ever behaving like an intellectual snob about anything he kept filed away in the folders of his mind. He'd bring up a topic, I'd add to it, then hours would go by as the initial topic would lead in to a new, somewhat related one, and another one from there, as we indulged our mutual knowledge and taught each other things. God, I wish I could have conversations of this nature with my boyfriend, but he just doesn't communicate that way, and he can't immediately access vast stores of knowledge the way Twin and I used to) or indulge a long game of witty repartee. Conversations with me and my boyfriend are more often about current events, and sometimes music, which I'm glad he can teach me a few things about. My boyfriend teaches me kindness and sweetness and unconditional love... he's a wonderful person and a devoted partner. He's just not exactly who I envisioned ending up with, and every time thoughts like this pop up into my head, I inevitably compare him to Twin, then I feel like an evil person for not appreciating what I do have and the man I'm with, who is so generous and loving toward me and so pleasant to be around and have a calm, easy life with. I hope something in this big block of text makes sense.

[57tcjc75]

I have found in going through this, that I have to be very careful what I am saying to the therapist. I've seen several since this awakening about 13 yrs ago. I hesitate when I go, because this experience often (I think) will advance one at times past what a therapist (generally speaking ) has gone through maybe, & the likely hood of being deemed crazy if one starts talking about soul families and twin flames & twin rays, etc etc.
As probably most, I will go but very guarded with what I say.. I often will feel I end up being the teacher.. but maybe that's part of the deal in the therapy sessions.
This one I am seeing right now I am not fond of at all.. she is kind of short with me...
Although I TRY to take out of it in spirit what I need to... the sessions..
I've often found the outsiders & even bio family members will think one is Nuts while going through these connections.. as if we have, "lost it," and in some ways it is that, because how else does one grow at core levels but to push through & if we are ultimately Light Bodies (& to me that is in Heaven) I have to go through the Refining Fire.
I did pretty well with one therapist who was OK with me coming, as needed.
The current counselor I think, hasn't done her own work & is holding onto some anger from her past.. & projects.
Perhaps finding that counselor who is closest to one's own personal style ..
I'm about done seeing my therapist because I feel she is wanting to pull me back & does NOT get the healing that these types of connections can bring.
She was all worried that I hadn't slept well night before.. I am in the process of knowing a connection which is newer so an occasional sleepless night is no big deal.. I think there are some who are dying to put people on medication to numb them so they will not heal up well.. that's my theory. Some counselors really do believe in people healing, others are not doing their own work.

I've met I think, 7 of the twin flames, some sites say there are 7. There is one of them I see myself closest to, in heaven, he passed away 2 yrs ago...
though I will have contact with the other connections, it was like this particular t.f. didn't run, nor did I.. & it's like Soul Family so just being patient and in prayer is what I do until seeing it come together & ultimately other side.
I think I will have a very close connection with my twin ray & the one t.f. who didn't diss me.. As to therapy... God.. is my best therapist! I ask HIM & BEG HIM to move in my life.. usually it happens, sometimes not my timing though!

Another that is awesome is the ethereal information/ downloads, like The Veil has been lifted and the dimensions are higher, fluid.. now say that to a therapist and they will lock one up, I think.. so I try to keep minimal said & understand Heavenly Forces are at work, this earth is not my true home (Heaven Is).. so praying till that day comes reunited with these connections in Eternity.

[M.Tesla]

therapy definitely does help for me because without it i wouldnt have learned:
Healthy coping skills
Letting go ceremonies
How to dig deeper for just the right answers
etc.

On the flip side, it it isnt available 24/7. It would be nice to have my own personal cheerleader right by me 24/7 but thats not possible.

[57tcjc75]

I agree that therapy can help with coping skills! I have had therapy at times in my life if I was overwhelmed &/or stuck. Coping skills are wonderful (exercise, healthy eating, working on self, new hobbies, interests).

A gal from another of these soulmate forums once mentioned on the site, a wonderful website that has a personality test. I've taken many over the years which I always found helpful.. This one really stands out (that she mentioned):
It's 16personalities .com. I am an INFJ, "Advocate," which so fits my personality.. I feel the experience with the t.f.'s also has helped me to evolve. I'd love to be a, "Life Coach."
As to therapy, I always thought this would not be the easiest of jobs. I personally would have a difficult time listening to someone for an hour or however long talk about their problems & for years.. without interjecting my own thoughts perhaps too much.. The, "Life Coach," is a directed approach plus I've worked through a lot of my stuff now & in going through all of the soul family meetings..
There are support groups also, which sometimes can help & be less costly.
The therapist I have now is not the best fit for me.. Plus, it is so difficult at times being in the middle of this awakening to not share exactly what I'm thinking.. I try to keep the sessions to say once or twice a month so I get what I need but not expect her to understand .. I sometimes think her comments to me could be from her own spirit though, that shove I need at times to keep things rolling in my life.. Anymore I prefer therapy that is flexible as to how often I am able to go.. The meetings of these soul families, are so healing in & of themselves.. I don't need a therapist who questions my thinking so it's just frustrating at times to stuff a lot in the therapy (can't say, my other half literal, or soul family from beginning of time, etc.. there are key words I can't say or would be put in the nut house. ha ha.. :) ).

[ForeverRestless]

Originally Posted by M.Tesla

therapy definitely does help for me because without it i wouldnt have learned:
Healthy coping skills
Letting go ceremonies
How to dig deeper for just the right answers
etc.

On the flip side, it it isnt available 24/7. It would be nice to have my own personal cheerleader right by me 24/7 but thats not possible.

M. Tesla have you heard of Talkspace? From what I understand it is essentially therapy that is available 24/7, as need arises.