Urge to leave boyfriend

[tabane27]

Ive been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and from the start he was physically abusive, i have left him 3 timez but something takes me back (unfinished business)
In the last year the abuse calmed down, hes bipolar and his mood changes like the wind but hes done really well. us being together has really helped him.
Ive had an urge for over a year to walk away but timing didnt feel right and i do love him but know theres still love but he really gets to me.
He relies on me for everything as im his carer, i dont mind doing something but he expects me to do everything or he flies of the handle.
I feel like im stuck with the routine and love, my body stays put with him but feel my higherself trying to move me forward. Its like a battle, if i stay il carry on doing the same thing and keep getting hurt or walk away.
I terrified of making the step because i know i love him and will hurt for months and i tend to hit rock bottom after walking away from a relationship.
Im not good with stepping out a routine and forcing change either, tends to knock me back. I dont have anyone to run to so il be in a refuge which will be awful and his life would be ruined if i went.

I spilt tea on my laptop keyboard this morning and panicked, not that the laptop was broken but that if i left any day i wouldnt have that to keep my mind of leaving him.
The other night we had a nice night cuddled up watching a film and i had this energy trying to pull me up to walk out the door, something was trying to give me a push.
Last time that happened was with an ex, i was in the same boat thinking about leaving but just couldnt, tjen one morning i got up walked out the door and left. It was something pulling me. I feel like im fighting this pull of and staying put but deep inside i want to flee.
should i go with this pull and give in?

[Lucid68]

I think you've actually answered your own question there :)

[sound]

Hi tabane

May I ask what country you are in? Its ok if you dont feel comfortable answering that on the open forum.

[tabane27]

Yes sound im in the uk

[twinkle]

You have already left him 3 times, but came back. Leave and don't come back this time.

[sound]

Originally Posted by tabane27

Yes sound im in the uk

ok ... I am in Australia but still may be able to support you here online (privately) if you think its worth a go ... send me a private message if you want to yeah?

[Belle]

Why do you want to stay?

It's your decision, you have to take the responsibility for what you do with your life. I think you know in your heart what you want.

[sound]

Leaving a relationship is not always as easy as it may seem, from the outside looking in ...

Just like your last time with your ex, you will know when the right time to leave is.

Meanwhile, you may also talk to the professionals who assist/help women in abusive situations.

[Skybird]

one day you will get to a stage that you have had enough and will leave and never look back and its the best thing you ever did..but you will know when the time is right,,,

be kind to yourself tabane....any close friends or womans refuge close by to help...even to talk to them...