Love bombing

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Love~is~All

THAT is a truth bomb, ka-blam! :) A loving truth bomb, a hug and flowers explosion. Very nice. Deep, a real soul exploration dive.

I like to pull the pin and lob one in every now and then

[Dargor]

Never heard about love bombing, but the only things I've experienced close to this (if that counts) is for some women trying to open up to me and when I finally give in after a while of questioning myself whether or not it's worth the effort, they all of a sudden just lose interest in me and hook up with some other idiot instead and pretend I don't exist, even if I can't think of anything I've supposedly done wrong since I'm a very cautious person. If you ask me, I'd say it's much WORSE than narcissistic behavior, because at least narcissists won't waste time on you if you come short of their demands. There's nothing more cruel and evil than giving someone falls hope imho.

[Clio_86]

I just experienced what I would call "love bombing" from a man. Except he didn't leave me, he showered me with attention to try to hide his more manipulative and controlling actions. He texted me all day and called me every night and afternoon. He always wanted to see if I got home safe or wanted to know what I was doing.

He would tell me how amazing I was all the time and that I was better than my friends. I felt like he was trying to isolate me at times. He constantly told me how special our connection was after just one week. I finally realized he was just trying to be possessive. This love bombing came from his deep fear of me leaving him and his own insecurities.

He would always compliment me on my values and how we were so much alike yet he was so critical of my friends and what they did. He laid down ground rules for his expectations of a relationship super early. Then over the three weeks, as I found out more about him, I realized he had been unemployed for a year and had made zero effort to find a new job. He played playstation all day in his flat despite being 41 years old and was content with this lifestyle. He has no friends. He was love bombing me because I was giving him attention and he had nothing else in his life.

Yes, I ended things with him with no regrets after three short weeks and the truth came to the surface. Lol.

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Do you believe in this newer term called love bombing?

Most articles I've read claim it is something that often takes place in whirlwind romances that start off all passion but hardly last. The explanations tend to be more lengthy but here is the gist of what goes on...

The love bomber gives 120% effort with excessive contact, feeds off the other person's attention, notices the attachment from them, then finds their weak points and buttons to press only to discard them with ease before any real commitment is made to the relationship. The one being love bombed then feels defeated and left in the cold. The love bomber then returns weeks or months later at their convenience of needing attention. They know the right things to say and do that start the infatuation stage back up. After a series of gaslighting comments making the other person question their suspicions and sanity, the viscious cycle starts all over again. Unfortunately this can go on for years unnoticed where the one falling victim is continuously in a state of confusion about it all before finding the strength to put a stop to it.

Idealization, devaluation and discard are said to be the 4 phases of love bombing.

Have you experienced this before? Do you believe this behavior is a trait of a narcissist? Or do you think it's a bunch of **? Are you a love bomber? Lol

I don't know if it's always as contrived or egregious as that.

It could just be that someone is acutely attracted to another, has a terrific desire for them (on the bottom line it's usually sexual swathed in thick layers of applied romantics - the 'love-bombing' idea). And perhaps that other falls for it too. But then, once the passion is over they discover they have nothing else to base a relationship on, so part.
They rarely get an understanding of the "heartfelt" feelings of the other, so one may be disappointed.

Originally Posted by A human Being

I like to pull the pin and lob one in every now and then

Hahahahaha!

It's amazing what one can get done with a grenade in each hand!
.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

Never heard about love bombing, but the only things I've experienced close to this (if that counts) is for some women trying to open up to me and when I finally give in after a while of questioning myself whether or not it's worth the effort, they all of a sudden just lose interest in me and hook up with some other idiot instead and pretend I don't exist, even if I can't think of anything I've supposedly done wrong since I'm a very cautious person. If you ask me, I'd say it's much WORSE than narcissistic behavior, because at least narcissists won't waste time on you if you come short of their demands. There's nothing more cruel and evil than giving someone falls hope imho.

Mmhm. False hope sucks. How long does it usually take you to make up your mind? A lot of people aren't willing to wait it out. The right one would though. And perhaps with that right person, you wouldn't even feel the need to be as cautious.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Clio_86

I just experienced what I would call "love bombing" from a man. Except he didn't leave me, he showered me with attention to try to hide his more manipulative and controlling actions. He texted me all day and called me every night and afternoon. He always wanted to see if I got home safe or wanted to know what I was doing.

He would tell me how amazing I was all the time and that I was better than my friends. I felt like he was trying to isolate me at times. He constantly told me how special our connection was after just one week. I finally realized he was just trying to be possessive. This love bombing came from his deep fear of me leaving him and his own insecurities.

He would always compliment me on my values and how we were so much alike yet he was so critical of my friends and what they did. He laid down ground rules for his expectations of a relationship super early. Then over the three weeks, as I found out more about him, I realized he had been unemployed for a year and had made zero effort to find a new job. He played playstation all day in his flat despite being 41 years old and was content with this lifestyle. He has no friends. He was love bombing me because I was giving him attention and he had nothing else in his life.

Yes, I ended things with him with no regrets after three short weeks and the truth came to the surface. Lol.

Well, that's good you got out of something that wasn't working for you early.

It's been a long year for us all and I understand being out of a job and using gaming as a way to relieve stress or escape. I have a very hard time with men who let it consume them and their relationships with others, though. It's a huge turn off.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Mmhm. False hope sucks. How long does it usually take you to make up your mind? A lot of people aren't willing to wait it out. The right one would though. And perhaps with that right person, you wouldn't even feel the need to be as cautious.

Well compared to earlier, nowadays it doesn't really take long for me to notice if something is B-S so it depends on the situation and individual. But it's game over as soon as I notice the first alarming detail.

As for the ''right person'', I severely doubt one exists. Maybe in an alternative universe, but not in this one.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Hahahahaha!

It's amazing what one can get done with a grenade in each hand!
.

Indeed!

[Enchanted_DreamFaerie]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Do you believe in this newer term called love bombing?

Most articles I've read claim it is something that often takes place in whirlwind romances that start off all passion but hardly last. The explanations tend to be more lengthy but here is the gist of what goes on...

The love bomber gives 120% effort with excessive contact, feeds off the other person's attention, notices the attachment from them, then finds their weak points and buttons to press only to discard them with ease before any real commitment is made to the relationship. The one being love bombed then feels defeated and left in the cold. The love bomber then returns weeks or months later at their convenience of needing attention. They know the right things to say and do that start the infatuation stage back up. After a series of gaslighting comments making the other person question their suspicions and sanity, the viscious cycle starts all over again. Unfortunately this can go on for years unnoticed where the one falling victim is continuously in a state of confusion about it all before finding the strength to put a stop to it.

Idealization, devaluation and discard are said to be the 4 phases of love bombing.

Have you experienced this before? Do you believe this behavior is a trait of a narcissist? Or do you think it's a bunch of **? Are you a love bomber? Lol

My ex used to do this to me and he was abusive towards me. Everything was so perfect in the beginning and then I felt like I didn't matter anymore. We broke up 3 times basically and got back together. He said all the right words. All the sweet things. He seemed together. Sweet. Caring. Intelligent. Everything seemed so perfect. Then he began to push me away and disappear on me for days, to days to weeks at a time. The entire time I thought I was crazy and always second-guessing myself. After a while, I began to notice what was going on due to my therapist talking to me about what he was doing and we broke up finally. He loved the control he had over me. I suffered many nights crying myself to sleep and feeling as if I didn't matter. It took me so long to get out of it due to his threats and I was deathly afraid of him too. I'm so glad things is over with now and that I don't have to deal with this anymore. Now I'm very cautious when things push things way too quickly, especially if a guy shows interest in me and pushes things way too fast. I just set up healthy boundaries and tell him that he's going way too fast. When I don't take the bait, they usually move on and try to find someone else who they can manipulate and gaslight. My ex was very very abusive and I am glad I survived the whole thing. I've been working on my self-esteem now and learning to love myself too. If anyone else has dealt with this, please know I know how it feels and your not alone. Feel free to reach out to me if you'd like too.