how to cope with being single when everyone around you is in relationships

[memo20]

I'm almost 24 and have pretty much been single my whole life. I'm really quite shy. I've dated a few people but it was for a month or so. Then I met the love of my life which I believe is my tf. But we haven't spoken In ages. I feel incredibly lonely. I've been single practically my whole life. I've learned a lot about myself. And overall generally I'm happy with who I am. I just wish someone would love and care for me and share intamacy with like holding hands pat on the back etc. I feel like I'll be single forever no one will want me. All my friends are so dependent on their bfs for happiness.

[lilith]

I can relate to you in many ways but you don't seem to have a problem at all. You are happy, you know who you are and are still learning about yourself, you found your tf which is great even though if you won't be together in this life, you have friends who are happy to.
You say they are dependent on their bfs for happiness. That's not good at all and if you want to compare yourself to them, you are in better position. Still, my advice is to stop comparing yourself to anyone but yourself.
I understand you miss holding hands, I know how lonely that feels. Make sure you are your own best friend. Love yourself, you hold your hand like you would love to be held by someone.
You are 24. That is so young. Even if you were 42 that is still so young. You will meet someone who you'll need and who will need you. This is great period in your life because you learn to be independent and hopefully you won't make unhealthy attachments.

[shoni7510]

24 is a goodtime to settle down and define yourself in your own terms while you keep your eyes and ears open for that someone that you can share your life with. Please don't despair even though it may seem hopeless at the moment he is there somewhere and you will meet each other.

[John32241]

Originally Posted by memo20

I feel like I'll be single forever no one will want me. All my friends are so dependent on their bfs for happiness.

Hello,

Perception is everything. I am inclined to think the 'self image' we have will create our reality. There are good books about shifting outlooks on life which attempt to assist us with these things. How we train our brain to think can indeed influence unconscious beliefs.

You are wise enough to know that being dependent on others for your happiness is not a good thing. Now it is only a matter of creating what you want for your self with your mind.

I see no reason why you can not literally change everything to your liking.

John

[WhiteWarrior]

Perfectly normal feelings for someone of your age. Also it is perfectly normal for someone of your age to not have been in a longer relationship yet. And since you have already been dating you are clearly as viable in the coupling game as anyone else. Patience.

[Lynn]

Hello

I so have learned that before you can let someone into your life you have to be content in your life. You have to be that individual person that can take on anything in life's path and let someone in to complaint that life path. We are born individuals but we are so conditioned to find that other person to complete us. We are not in need of completion I feel, we are looking for that companion on our path that might or might not be with us for life.

I was 18 when I met the "mate" I had and I was raised that if you give your virginity to a man you stay the course with him til death parts you.....and that is that. Abuse was the foundation of our relationship and control. I tried to "Fix" him and he kept me financially under his thumb. This went on for 33 years. You can easily fall into this place of just accepting things as they are and put on the act that life is good. Inside your rotting away but outside life looks good.

I have now found my Twin Flame Mirror Soul but I as is he are still very much individual in our paths we walk. We are a team but too we can have our freedoms to have individual friends and interests. Its the perfect relationship as you do not loose you and you both grow.

There is nothing wrong in being single.

Lynn

[linen53]

When I stopped looking, I found the love of my life.

[Clover]

Find your passions and joy. Engage in activities and hobbies that inspire and make you happy ( a great way to network as well). What will you be able to give another if you don't find those passions within yourself?


Work on coming out of your shell, many relationships require to throw it all on the table. Maybe read some non-soul mate ( the word carries too much expectations) self help books on dating. Library! Practice makes perfect, soul mates are supposedly eternal so they can come later ;D I'd focus on interpersonal communications


I was a late bloomer myself, I think we get SO MUCH better as we age ( in many different aspects) Trust me, your not missing much

[keokutah]

How?

Just see things through my eyes LoL.

When I look at all the people in relationships around me I feel bad for them.
I'm single and free! I can enjoy my life. I can do whatever I want to do.
When you're in a relationship you lose all those freedoms.

What's worse is the majority of the people I see in relationships are absolutely miserable! They're stuck in miserable relationships with someone they barely like, they've had to give up their dreams. They end up having kids and have no lives at all. The majority of the people I see are unfit parent's because they are pressured into having kids before they are ready, and they're so miserable so all they do is drink and party and are abusive to their kids.
Just because they were so desperate and lonely so they settled on the first person they saw. All they cared about was the pressure of society and what their parents thought of them, so they decided to settle down, commit and start a family when that isn't what they truly wanted to do with their lives.
They lay awake at night with regrets, wondering what life would have been like if they had ever done something else with their lives.
They just aren't happy, and they most certainly are not happy or compatible with their partner.
And years down the road they end up getting a divorce because they finally can't take it anymore, or they end up coming out of the closet after lying to themselves for SO many years, just because they were too afraid to be true to themselves and live the life they wanted to.

Most of these people haven't found true love, they're just in completely incompatible relationships, and haven't waited until they've met their actual soul mate, because they are too afraid to be alone so they settle.

And what is so scary about being alone? Nothing. When you're alone you get to have fun, you get to do all the things you love doing, and no one can bring you down or get in your way and tell you that you can't do things. You don't have to follow anyone else's rules.

Being single is amazing.

And it's not like I think being in a relationship would be a terrible thing. Finding true love would be an amazing thing too, but I still would want to keep my own personal identity, my own space and my freedom to do the things I love to do. Just because I'm in love with someone, doesn't mean I'm going to uproot my life and throw away my dreams for them. I think it's extremely unhealthy when people base their entire existence on someone else, but unfortunately that's what the majority of people do in relationships these days.

[Clover]

Originally Posted by keokutah

How?

When you're in a relationship you lose all those freedoms

Like what, air? Lol



What I find sometimes is that there are many proud single people who preach a similar tune.They shun relationships,but are very quick and hungry to seek the time and comfort of the opposite sex, probably more so than people who are secure in their relationships, which has shown me most people desire some form of partnership, more than they are willing to openly admit.

I am okay being single. I don't mind relationships/companionship either, as long as I have my own individual space, living individually. Now is not a good time though