Confused and conflicted about my beliefs
Growing up I went to church and became Christian when I was about 23. I was into astrology and that before becoming Christian and I used to watch lots of ghost shows. I never felt right watching them. I felt my mental health went dark and I felt watched sometimes at night.
When I was a small girl I had a voice talk to me and say “you’re going to hell”. I also heard footsteps down the hall when I was alone one time and a creepy presence from a wardrobe. I couldn’t sleep in my room for a while after the footsteps incident because I felt watched. When I was about 19 I felt a strong presence of warmth in my room when my mum prayed for me one time.
When I became a Christian I dismissed it all as satanic lies and demons. I gave it all up and focused on Christianity. I believed in the afterlife but wasn’t sure if the stories I watched were lies or not. Like the “went to hell and had a second chance” or “I saw heaven and..”. I didn’t believe ghosts were loved ones and solely just demons.
As the years went by I discovered Christianity wasn’t adding up for me.
I have watched plenty of things since then and I am so conflicted. I don’t know what to make of good/evil.. what are demons, spirits, entities, orbs.. do people pass on immediately onto another life or stay evil as they were on earth doing bad things or are these demons? Why haven’t they passed on? What about suicides, do they pass on? How are haunted houses sometimes with “evil” spirits saying wicked things into EVP recordings and scratching people and harming them and then there are the “good” ones which don’t? I’ve seen some which still claim it’s a spirit of a human(non demon) but it scratched. So people still stay bad after they pass sometimes? Don’t they go onto the next life? I noticed traumatic deaths often lead to hauntings. In Christianity you don’t haunt you pass on to heaven or hell but it also says you “sleep”.. But in the bible Samuel appeared to King Saul?? This isn’t dismissed as being not him at all. Despite his practice to contact him being condemned.
Sometimes people are brought back to life in the bible too. Such as Lazarus.
I’ve also watched lots of stories of people seeing the next life and reincarnations such as a man having a deep pain from a grief of his daughter’s school friend. He discovered she was his past life daughter. She also appeared to him. People claim to be reincarnated of somebody but also these deceased people also can talk to people. It’s all very confusing.
I have dabbled in pendulums to just get confusion and tarot and oracle cards. I feel bad having them and feel it’s possibly deceit as I’ve been taught from my background.