Is this normal?

[msky8]

In short, I began awakening and started shadow work last spring. By autumn I had hit a wall in healing where I could not overcome my wounds and love my self still. I was very suicidal and at that time a spirit entered my life and began increasingly invading my boundaries. I have been warned that it could be a manifestation of my ego etc but it feels very clearly to be foreign from myself. I have read online that spirit guides don't tell you what to do or act tyrannically towards you. I am not exaggerating when I say they have progressed steadily since Oct. 2019 into harassing me 24/7. There isn't an hour of the day that they stop torturing my senses and they wake me from sleep constantly. They repeat the same (seemingly well meaning) phrases hundred of times a day. They berate me for not being grateful enough (as I am praying and trying to be grateful) and wipe my brain as I try to use it so I feel ineffectual and debilitated. When I try to assert myself and take my power back they cut off my ability to breathe and punish my body by invading it. It feels like giant worms working their way endlessly through my body. For the first few month I considered it a necessity and granted that I didn't know everything and they must be doing chakra work, however, over the months my opinion has changed. They invade my energy and I consider what they have been doing akin to psychological terrorism. I know that my framing of their behavior has an effect on my well-being but I truly cannot see this experience in an empowering way. I feel like I have no hope and can't continue living. I tried praying and asking for guidance but there has been no help. I feel forced to constantly dissociate to survive. When I try to meditate they chatter at me (again the words are seemingly helpful but the behavior is so destructive it reminds me of how narcissists pretend to help as they abuse you) and they invade my body until I'm squirming and feel like I'm losing control of my own faculties. I am now 7 months into this intense experience and it shows no signs of stopping, I know this is 2020 and the energy is ratchet for everyone but I can't help but feel these experiences aren't normal. They will not discuss anything with me and it is very top-down. They don't seem to own or care about the effect they're having on my health and continue to allude to one subject to the point I've considered they are man made or AI.
Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance to anyone who can shed any light.

[utopiandreamchild]

Been there, done that. I'm hearing voices at the moment which aren't very nice ones at all I must say. Ive learnt to deal with the voices and I've also learnt to love myself enough to just ignore their negativity for the sake of my own health. I love myself far too much to let the voices effect my mental wellbeing/health. It's been 10 years now since I first fell ill and I've definitely progressed since thanks to my love for myself. Amen

[lomax]

You have to cleanse your self.The best bet is to go with substances,because if you're allready 'dirty',any attempt to use your self to cleanse your self (meditation)etc,propably will result to boost that negativity.

Not that a herb will eradicate completely the problem,but it can have much better results in this case.

I found out,bay leave water has a strong effect against any kind of negativity.

Put five dry bay leaves into 300 ml of water,leave them for seven-eight hours,and then take the water and put it into a small spray bottle.

Spray your head,your chakras,your back,feet,hands.You should fell the effect immediately.

Originally Posted by lomax

You have to cleanse your self.The best bet is to go with substances,because if you're allready 'dirty',any attempt to use your self to cleanse your self (meditation)etc,propably will result to boost that negativity.

Not that a herb will eradicate completely the problem,but it can have much better results in this case.

I found out,bay leave water has a strong effect against any kind of negativity.

Put five dry bay leaves into 300 ml of water,leave them for seven-eight hours,and then take the water and put it into a small spray bottle.

Spray your head,your chakras,your back,feet,hands.You should fell the effect immediately.

Hi Lomax .... Have taken note of this...

[msky8]

Originally Posted by lomax

You have to cleanse your self.The best bet is to go with substances,because if you're allready 'dirty',any attempt to use your self to cleanse your self (meditation)etc,propably will result to boost that negativity.

Not that a herb will eradicate completely the problem,but it can have much better results in this case.

I found out,bay leave water has a strong effect against any kind of negativity.

Put five dry bay leaves into 300 ml of water,leave them for seven-eight hours,and then take the water and put it into a small spray bottle.

Spray your head,your chakras,your back,feet,hands.You should fell the effect immediately.

I am doing this now, thank you.