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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #11  
Old 06-08-2020, 04:10 AM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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This is good advice but the thing is I lost equanimity...so when pain arises I strongly identify with it and am so aversive..I am beyond the ability to accept the fear that arises
This is why I pray for love and equanimity
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  #12  
Old 06-08-2020, 04:36 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahpro
This is good advice but the thing is I lost equanimity...so when pain arises I strongly identify with it and am so aversive..I am beyond the ability to accept the fear that arises
This is why I pray for love and equanimity


Just remember with prayer comes actions to listen to guidance from those prayers.

Why do you identify with it?

Why would it be difficult to stop yourself identifying with it?
__________________
Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you - to make you realise that you are a part of Spirit and that just behind the sparks of your life is
the Flame of Infinity.
Paramahansa Yogananda
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  #13  
Old 06-08-2020, 06:14 AM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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Because the aversion and mental pain is just so strong... how it worked in the past was I spent a year in trauma and stuck and dissociated and then my heart opened and a few days later I was able to finally go into the pain agai
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  #14  
Old 06-08-2020, 08:39 PM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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I do not know how to not identify. I am in deep suffering , not wanting to engage in any activities and so deep in self hatred. I am literally just WAITING for love and truth to reenter me but they are so elusive
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  #15  
Old 07-08-2020, 05:25 PM
LadyMay LadyMay is offline
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Hi Sarahpro, sorry for my delayed response, my health's been a bit off the past few days.

Firstly sounds like you need a new therapist, I think your therapist isn't addressing deep enough issues for you, there are levels of therapy and some are deeper than others. If you need deeper and aren't getting it then you're not going to see much progress. I say that as it sounds like your therapist is using CBT but what I gather is that you have a history of trauma (who else has such issues as these that you mention previously experiencing?) and these kind of issues and therefore CBT won't be your friend so much after a point.

Secondly, let me just tell you, you're very strong because you've been through this before, so you can get through it again! And don't think back then you never made any progress, you made the progress you needed to back then, otherwise you wouldn't have eventually come out of it. So now you're going through a second cycle of healing to deal with whatever else was dormant back then which was left. And as is often the case, once the issues are resolved or shifted rather within your psyche then the depression does tend to lift on its own.

However, what I see here is that you're very distressed about the state you find yourself in, as if it will never end and you don't know how to make it end. But, if you imagine your mental state as an immovable object and you're just using force to try and get through it - you're just going to wear yourself out and cause that object/depression to become your sole focus thereby making you further depressed.

It sounds contradictory, but in this case, what I would advise is to stop trying, completely, and to find a comfortableness in your state of misery. Because your misery is saying "look at me, see me, spend time with me, love me!", and you're just trying to ignore it and push it away, which will always make the problem worse because your misery will get angry at you and then want to hurt you (suicide). So stop. Say hello to your pain, sit with it, stop trying to turn it into anything else. Stop thinking of any future where it's no longer there, but certainly never give up hope that you will feel better, because you hold that hope strongly and it's keeping you going. But you can't use that hope to hurt yourself in this way.

You're just trying too hard and you basically need to give up. If you don't give up, your misery will do it for you in that not so pleasant way with its anger. The giving up is a mental state to stop trying to fight your own mind, to stop trying to do anything. To just... be sad, be angry, be miserable. Because guess what... if you give your misery that attention it will eventually get bored and go away. It just needs attention sometimes.

And if you find yourself averse to doing such a thing, if you find yourself unable to accept the fear... that's fine too, it's all fine. Just say hello to the aversion and the fear too. Literally, when you notice it, just make a habit of saying out loud or in your mind if you're around people "hello there" and see how you feel with that. All you have to do is just notice what's going on and not try to change it in any way. I think you're good at noticing things already, so just stop trying to do anything else after that. And if you can't stop trying... Just notice that too!

Love and truth are already here with you, you just don't see them, and won't until you see them where they are... hidden within your pain. The gold in the dirt. Your pain can be your best friend if you let it, then it will heal you. The pain itself is healing, don't ignore what it's saying to you.
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  #16  
Old 07-08-2020, 06:43 PM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Hi, thank you for the response
I am having a really hard time accepting it yup. Because my symptoms are worsening- I am becoming more withdrAwn , more neurotic, more zombie like, more self absorbed, less joyful and more empty. So i can’t really just sit back and watch it all happen. I have no desire to connect with people anymore. I wait and wait for this to end but it doesn’t. I don’t know how to connect with the pain either/m- it manifests mostly as thoughts. I am a zombie stuck in my head.
I know love and truth are already within but I am worried I’ll be stuck forever not being able to find it. I ray that it is revealed to me overnight but it seems it doesn’t work like that
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  #17  
Old 07-08-2020, 07:06 PM
Tuesday Tuesday is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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ItTalk to your doctor and tell tcle is you taking hem the treatment is not working.
Remember to take good care of yourself even when you don't feel like it because it will affect your health.

Eat well, sleep well, see friends and loved ones, hydrate and go outside.

Dont wait for a miracle, it wont come. You patiently taking care of yourself is the miracle youve been expecting.

You will find the spirituality in a healthy living. Staying mentalky and physically healthy is the way we move forward spiritualky also.

Theres not a quick fix.
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I know that i do not know.
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  #18  
Old 07-08-2020, 07:29 PM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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I have heard there is not a quick fix yeah...but the issue is things are worsening... no matter what I do with my body I don’t feel better, it’s like my mind just has soooo much power. I also feel incredibly disconnected from my body no matter what I do. In my experience the more love I held in my heart the more connected to my body I was. If my body is extremely healthy but my heart is still so empty and mind so negative I don’t know if I can’t not suffer. I also know love cannot come from outside it has to come within.
But I worry the moment of surrender and truth I experienced in the past won’t ever happen again because now my ego is sooo strong and fighting so hard to protect me. So I wanted to induce some sort of spiritual awakening
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  #19  
Old 07-08-2020, 08:26 PM
LadyMay LadyMay is offline
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You say your mind has so much power, it’s true, and you have to befriend it, so that power is yours again. Your responses are still very much distressed, you’re reaching out for someone or something to save you and you already know the answer is that you’re the only one who can save you. But you have to befriend the darkness and the pain. It’s the only way (as long as maintaining healthy living as Tuesday stated and considering a new therapist, or at least telling your current one her approach isn’t working and to try another).

You don’t find love and truth, it was my point that it’s already there, you just don’t see it, and you should probably content yourself with not being able to see it and not trying to see it. You can’t turn the tide but you can ride with it.

I would drop all ideas and concepts of spiritual awakening from your mind, you’re just going to frustrate yourself with something that’s not going to come from your pushing. It’s a self-defeating loop.

Don’t worry too much about your symptoms, I’ve been there, I still live with a lot of it every day and I’m happy despite it. I’ve found content in the storm. Practice, and it becomes easier.
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  #20  
Old 07-08-2020, 08:41 PM
Sarahpro Sarahpro is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 180
 
Ok....I guess I have to listen to this.
But like I have mentioned the symptoms are getting worse....I do know the answer, that spirituality is about being in the here and now. But right now the here and now is extreme withdrawal, inability to feel emotions, incredible emptiness, apathy for all activities. I know it’s all about living life but there is nothing I want to do. I do know it isn’t about finding love but realizing it within, but I believe I am moving further away from it.
I was moving towards it until March. Then karma began to get intense and I lost balance, and have been feeling an Increased sense of fragmentation ever since. So how am I supposed to be in it when being in the moment is so blah?
It isn’t even about some intense pain like fear or sadness that arises. It’s about not feeling anything and being so stuck in thought.
I do know that I can’t just wake up like my old self. But I still pray.
The issue is I dissolved my ego structure so it brought all neuroses to the surface, making it impossible to stabilize and heal, creating more fragmentation. It doesn’t seem reversible. So I Know ultimately the best possible solution would be to have enough equanimity to face the fear that is fragmenting me, but I don’t feel I have control over it
I guess this is me making a case for praying for miracles. I don’t trust that things will be resolved without one
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