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07-08-2020, 08:56 PM
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Knower
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 180
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The idea of practice making it easier gives me a bit of hope....however I don’t know if I can befriend the pain....my mind just became so conditioned to react to the sensations. I don’t feel like I have connection to a base level of love/equanimity to work with right now...I am just compeltely dry, disconnected, and in thought, so I don’t know that practice will get me somewhere...I have just watched myself grow more and more disconnected as the months have gone on. Time has done me NO favors. Again I attribute this to lack of ego structure, just shattering my mind and fragmenting me so much.
I do know that nobody and nothing can save me...but there must be something that could happen, some magic to pull me out of this. I can’t believe my mind, for several weeks now it hasn’t worked to pray for overnight salvation and yet I still bank on it
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