how do you let go?

Originally Posted by kindheart

Thank you guys :) And thank you FHTF :) How are you so wise? lol I guess I'm gonna try to just be, acknowledge my feelings, accept that this is the situation at the moment and that this is how I feel as a result of it. Trying to hurry the process may not be better. Maybe later, once I feel better, I can work on manifesting?

It's actually only a question of self identity. You made your bf a part of your self image, like Silvergirl made her son part of her self image. And now that part is missing and both of you feel robbed of something essential. So it's logical that you wish for him to come back or at least find a new one to feel complete again. But that's not a long term solution because your point of view is still the same. You need pleasing circumstances to feel good. Therefore it's going to be different places, different faces but same outcome if you should go for a new bf right now. It's most likely that you will create the same scenario over and over again. What's manifesting around you is an indicator for what is going on within you. As soon as your point of view shifts, everything else will also shift effortlessly.

If you are mentally strong, you can shift your focus easily by going general with your thoughts. If you are not so strong and easily distracted then you have to take some action. Change your daily routine, take a different route to work, hang out with different people or even move to a new place.

But no matter what you do, it's all about self identity in the end. I don't know if that makes sense so far. If you are interested I can go into more details.

[kindheart]

Originally Posted by Funny How Time Flies

It's actually only a question of self identity. You made your bf a part of your self image, like Silvergirl made her son part of her self image. And now that part is missing and both of you feel robbed of something essential. So it's logical that you wish for him to come back or at least find a new one to feel complete again. But that's not a long term solution because your point of view is still the same. You need pleasing circumstances to feel good. Therefore it's going to be different places, different faces but same outcome if you should go for a new bf right now. It's most likely that you will create the same scenario over and over again. What's manifesting around you is an indicator for what is going on within you. As soon as your point of view shifts, everything else will also shift effortlessly.

If you are mentally strong, you can shift your focus easily by going general with your thoughts. If you are not so strong and easily distracted then you have to take some action. Change your daily routine, take a different route to work, hang out with different people or even move to a new place.

But no matter what you do, it's all about self identity in the end. I don't know if that makes sense so far. If you are interested I can go into more details.

Thank you :)
It's true, I did lose a part of myself when he left. I mean I still enjoy doing things, with friends and on my own. Even if I cry at night more days than not, now only cry a few minutes, and I still am capable of enjoying myself, laughing with friends or watching tv, etc. But it doesn't make my wish for us to get back together go away. I would like to learn more about defining my identity without a guy. I've actually always had a hard time finding my identity, on many levels (e.g. fashion\style (for instance, I love the punk, hippy and metal cultures, yet don't fit with either. and i need to dress professional for work, would love to have my own professional style with a "cool" twist to it, but don't got the money or don't know what i look for anyway). Even for sexual orientation: I'm bisexual, yet don't always fit in with the straight population because of it, nor with the homosexual population because i'm also attracted to men. I have many amazing friends, am loved by most people (or so I believe), yet often feel I don't belong... or don't exactly fit in. I also look very young for my age, no matter how I dress (I have a baby face and am only 4 feet 10)... I'm 28 and at least once a week I get someone asking my what grade I'm in, thinking I'm in high school. As a result I always need to work extra hard at work (I always need to interact with new people) in order to gain credibility... I always need to prove myself or else they don't take me seriously. It's frustrating. Ugh

This thread has quite deviated from my manifesting problems, sorry!

Hi Kindheart, I was wondering how you went with all this last year? I am going through the exact same thing now so I almost cried reading your posts! My problem is that I did let him become part of my self identity and i relied on him for happiness, he broke up with me and kicked me out of his house but he still wants to see me, he knows that I'm not that person because I was so strong and independant when he met me but he wants to give me time to sort myself out and see what happens, he is focusing on work at the moment. But I feel obsessed and I've read all about letting go and getting into the vibration, thats what makes it all so frustrating, when I'm genuinly having a good day and im happy he texts and calls but when im down i notice i get nothing, its all about the vibration the problem is i struggle with the fear and I cant get past it! I just wish i could just get on with life because that will attract him more if im happy with my own life, he will want to be a part of that but I cant seem to find that space where I am. Ahhh maybe i just needed to vent, writing helps but usually on for a few hours before i need the tissue box again!

[Sammy]

We cannot know every path we will walk down. Its good you have hope for your ex getting over his past, and it could even be you to help him. This is not your task though, we can only help not "change" ones emotions. The most you can be in this is a guide, its up to him to change his tune. Loving ourself is one of the hardest lessons to learn. But this is how we achieve self worthe, and without that you will try to gain it from another. Depend on yourself to be you, not others.

I feal much the same when alone, and before I met my wife I had resided in myself that I was going to be single forever due to my circumstances. You know what path's you see, now try to find the path's you dont see.

Originally Posted by Funny How Time Flies

You can't let go of anything. Letting go is not an action, it's a happening. It will happen by itself. Letting go means not focusing upon it anymore. And if you want to do that directly and say "I will let go of THIS" then your focus is on THIS again. It's a vicious cycle. You can't get rid of anything directly, only indirectly by focusing on something else until what you want to let go slowly falls into the background and loses its momentum.

But there's something else for you to discover here: Do you want to be surrounded by things/people that make you happy or do you just want to be happy? Do you want the conditions to be right so you will be happy by observing pleasing things or do you want to be happy regardless of the conditions? If you can only be happy when the conditions are right, that's hell. If you can be happy regardless of the conditions, that's heaven.

Well said. Focus on other things in the Key- as well as focusing on how you Can help yourself move on and regain your sense of power and control.

Incidentally, as it's only been two months, I'd say you're in a normal place/stage in the grieving process. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

[Jatd]

I'm going through the same thing you are right now The EXACT same thing. He was my best friend, he was the man who warmed my heart after it hade been damaged by others and froze like ice. He was beautiful and what we had was amazing. Nothing like anything I have ever had before and one day.. he vanished. Just gone. He stopped answering, calling, responding.. no explanations, nothing. Just gone. The pain was unbearable. I had no answers, no closure. This was almost 3 months ago, I am STILL mourning.
What I will tell you is this: ALLOW yourself to mourn. do NOT try and force yourself to move on. It will happen naturally. Time does lessent he pain, but be not confused because it can still come rushing back in an instant. When your heart belongs to someone else it is hard to put yourself out there, to move on, to enjoy things you used to. Here is my advice, and what I have been doing to help medicate the pain...
-Spending alot of time alone, reading, learning to play guitar, writing ... these are my outlets. I prefer to be alone because there aren't many people who want to hear me talk about whats on my heart.. so i if I can write .. it helps.
-finding boards like this.. these people DO care, because they are going through something similar. We are each other's shoulders.
-Mediate (I had never done this before) finding quiet time, clearing my mind
-exercising, this has helped alot. I walk/run 5 miles a day with music and I enjoy this more than anything! It helps me release the built up, anger, confusion, hurt. etc...
-Write him letters, but don't send them. Save them. Get off your chest the things you need to

I hope some of these things help. I am sorry you are going through this heartache ((hugs)).. pm me anytime and we can chat.

JATD
Good advice, I wanted to say also that when I found myself alone after two wonderful extra ordinary years with my TF and he 'ran' (for about 2 months) I felt like all those things I did were mere diversions. He did come back and we are near the 'harmonizing' stage HOWEVER, I am left with the pain and hurt and working through the feelings of betrayal etc...so if/when they return there is still another bout of 'baggage' to tend to and I am living it now even though it's been a year since we reunited after our short break up.

I know this sounds crazy on all levels but one thing I do A LOT is walk my dog and go through the local cemetery. YEP I do want to know why? It brings it ALL Into focus. How short this life experience is, do I want to continue in 'low energy fields' as I call it? Staying stuck in the past or worry of the future robs me of the moment I am in and seeing grave stones reminds me that ultimately THIS IS MY soon to be destiny (and I am 40 btw) and I choose what to place my focus and energy on. I realize while walking through that NO ONE should have THAT much control over my well being. Believe me...by the time I get home, the walk has (even if it is for the moment) left me refreshed, refocused and ready to move forward.

By now I can name off about 100 of the grave stones LOLOL but it is still a constant reminder to me of my choices and I have the ability to manifest positive energy or negative and what is more worth it?

I DO UNDERSTAND ugh way too much how you feel, I AM THERE with you, I can "feel" your pain LITERALLY but just know that when it comes down to it, you must LOVE YOURSELF regardless of his choices and actions.

I for one can't say that 'doing' anything eased the pain for me it just simply didn't it was just a way to fill my time with activity. However, the daily (just about) walks through the graveyard (its a huge one) is the BEST antidote I have found.

Love yourself and remember that everything that 'is' is perfectly in order according to your chart, WHAT YOU RESIST WILL PERSIST

OH btw when did he finally come back? When I STOPPED CHASING and started to truly move forward. As he says "what a wake up call for him and he was such a fool and couldn't bare the thought of someone else enjoying me the rest of their lives" LOLOL go figure but the pain is still there, is it less? YES but I still struggle with looking in his eyes and feeling anger to the WHOLE situation including THOSE who aided him in his choice to leave.

I suppose it all comes down to what seat do we want to sit in? What are we focusing on that continues to manifest? What lesson is our soul attempting to learn and move through with the process? We do not NEED to 'become' whole, WE ALREADY ARE....learn what that means and move forward with that.

I hope this helps although I know right now your looking for a magical potion that believe me DOESN'T exist its just all a lesson try to detach and become the observer, the director of your own movie screen and be a witness ....

HUGS HUGS HUGS

Originally Posted by kindheart

I've been feeling down lately, miss my ex a lot, feel lonely even if surrounded by good friends. I wish to feel happy and whole again, and for my ex and I to get back together in a healthy, romantic relationship once he feels capable of loving again (which was the reason why we broke up - he is too damaged from a past relationship and although he felt we had a great connexion and he cares about me so dearly, he feels empty inside and realized he is now incapable of falling in love (or so he thinks). If that's not possible or wishful, then I wish and expect someone even better suited for me to come into my life.

The thing is I feel obsessed with this, can't stop wishing for my ex to come back, miss him so much, can't stop thinking about him, keep asking for signs from angels to let me know whether he is coming back or not, etc. I obsess and fear too much over this, can't seem to be able to control my thoughts and emotions and doubts. Not only are these thoughts making me unhappy, but I also know that as long as I keep obsessing over this and wishing every day for him to come back, that I will not find happiness, that he will not come back, and that someone better will not come into my life either.

Knowing all of these things, why can't I let go?? How do I let go? I feel insane, obsessed, crazy...... It's like I'm trying to keep control over things by stating my wishes to the universe over and over, to make sure they heard right, or thinking i didn't state it as good as I could on previous occasions... but paradoxically I know I'm keeping myself from finding happiness and true love when doing so.

What do I do? How do I move on? How do I stop obsessing over this and let go? I feel desperate and need help with this, please :(

I feel the same way a lot. I'm usually very strongly in love with someone once I do fall in love and when it becomes clear that I should let that person go, it's always so hard.

I once fell in love at 17 and it didn't work out. Met him again at 23 and those same emotions flooded back to surface. I was also in a relationship at that time.

What I ended up doing was creating a mantra to repeat to self over and over to reprogram my thoughts. Also, it helped to write poetry to express that longing.

*hugs* I hope you feel better, sweetheart.

[Belle]

No advice, no clever solutions but another one checking in being in that situation of missing the one gone by.

I see now he wasn't a true friend, he adored me when I was fulfilling a role with him but when I couldn't fulfill the role he would disappear and then has terminated the friendship because he couldn't accept my behaviour.

Sure, I'm not perfect, and whilst I understand the concept that he has set me free (which indeed he has), my heart is full of pain.

I was trouble d in the night last night and felt the full sense of injustice and asked my higher self to breathe the truth of the departure into my heart. Whilst that is a temporary fix as I wake up this morning with a heaviness that consumes, I know that this ongoing work will bring me closer in tune with my higher and closer to the healing.

Yes, there is the grief, there is the healing that needs to be worked through, but at the same time, I have the opportunity to heal. I will, of course, be loving myself as much as possible - good food is one sure fire way that engages myself in a loving act!

Abraham-hicks have very good explainations to why we feel so bad when we are left alone by someone we loved. It's all about our connection to our inner being. When we are connected to source we don't need anothers love to get us though the day. We are never Lonely. I really believe this. Being connected is a wonderful loving feeling. Love yourself 'Kindheart', remind yourself about how kind and good and loving you are. You are love itself! Don't be hard on yourself and look for some of those things that make you feel better. ((((((( ;-) )))))