Commanding respect, worth and value

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Seawolf

Your mother is you and the father is you I believe. A part of me can't be separate, like the earth and leaves, we stay close in order to survive. Respect and knowledge in spirituality comes from this forum where we can all be right but we're just like the other. Or else we wouldn't be here. Orthrelm.

Um - sorry I've read that three times but I don't understand it?

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Belle

Um - sorry I've read that three times but I don't understand it?

Sorry, I see the dynamic of family as being complex and there are no easy answers. Our families don't love us the way we want, but then again their parents probably didn't love them right either. It's complex to me because by resisting our parent we become them, but at the same time we should find our own way in life.

[Belle]

Thank you Seawolf. I think I get it. THe more we focus and concentrate our energies on the negative aspects, the more we are drawn to them ourselves and so the cycle continues. Is that it?

I agree about our parents not having the ideal upbringing.

I guess by focusing on the qualities and not being affected by the things that wind us up, we are creating a brave new world?

If yes, I think i am beginning to get a sense of direction in this LoA.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

I think it's great that you refuse to abandon your relationship with your mother. I think you've been trying to make it fit into a pattern that it just doesn't want
to fit into though. You've said, in this thread, that "she is my teacher"; yet the things that you've learned are that you are invisible, dispensible, and unimportant.
I think it's time to find a new teacher. You already know that the lessons offered are not right for you.(!)
What are you hanging around for? You've already learned the curriculum and already gone beyond it.
I've just spent some time listening to some Abraham Hicks youtube vids.
They have a fantastic grasp of the LoA; I highly recommend it for you too.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Belle

I guess by focusing on the qualities and not being affected by the things that wind us up, we are creating a brave new world?

If yes, I think i am beginning to get a sense of direction in this LoA.

I find taking responsibility for myself getting wound up causes positive changes and new opportunities for me to expand and grow.

I believe we're a part of our parents but also all our ancestors. By assuming responsibility and letting the light into our heart, letting go of resentment and pain, heals everyone I am connected to. The people in my life that upset me show my own negative feelings I need to deal with, and try to allow love and acceptance to the feelings by slightly detaching and trying to see it with eyes of compassion.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

I think it's great that you refuse to abandon your relationship with your mother. I think you've been trying to make it fit into a pattern that it just doesn't want
to fit into though. You've said, in this thread, that "she is my teacher"; yet the things that you've learned are that you are invisible, dispensible, and unimportant.
I think it's time to find a new teacher. You already know that the lessons offered are not right for you.(!)
What are you hanging around for? You've already learned the curriculum and already gone beyond it.
I've just spent some time listening to some Abraham Hicks youtube vids.
They have a fantastic grasp of the LoA; I highly recommend it for you too.

Hi H:O:R:A:C:E

Thank you for your thoughts - I need to expand the term teacher. A lot of our teachers in this world are not those who encourage, reinforce, guide us kindly etc - but those who press our buttons, those who challenge us, those who indicate that we must fight and rise above the status quo and that is exactly what sort of teacher my mother is - she is making me confront these issues of self-esteem yadda yadda yadda - it's not uncommon, I'm not unique.

It is teaching by negative experience, it is the negative experience that is presented to us that we need to rise above for one reason or another.

I truly believe that we choose our parents according to the lessons we need to learn - and we choose them to be our teachers - and they choose us to also teach them. The relationship between parent and child (I believe) is massively complex on an emotional and spiritual level.

I'm inches from walking away from her in anger and fury but that would just open me up to a bad karma.

She is, in herself, a damaged and unhappy person - as Seawolf indicates she is the product of her own upbringing and part of the cycle so maybe her way of managing her own appalling self-esteem is to trash mine? Perhaps that makes her feel in control of something?

If I walk away, the lessons will not have been learned. i will attract some other person who will manage my esteem issues in some or other way.

I hope I make sense. I know what I mean.

I guess it is about being the change you want to see - and changing myself and managing the relationship. If I change myself, and that is truly possible then the dynamic of the relationship can change. It's probably too late to create a functional relationship but I want to maintain a relationship of sorts but one where she doesn't control me or abuse me or manipulate me.

And, that achieved, I believe I can open things up so I can attract someone who values me, respects me and treats me like a number 1 - rather than the bottom of the heap which is what she conveys to me.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Seawolf

I find taking responsibility for myself getting wound up causes positive changes and new opportunities for me to expand and grow.

I believe we're a part of our parents but also all our ancestors. By assuming responsibility and letting the light into our heart, letting go of resentment and pain, heals everyone I am connected to. The people in my life that upset me show my own negative feelings I need to deal with, and try to allow love and acceptance to the feelings by slightly detaching and trying to see it with eyes of compassion.

I'm absolutely with you Seawolf, thank you for saying it better and more nicely than me. It's all about light in the heart and a heart expansion.

And that is exactly it: my mother upsets me because she is showing me my negative feelings I need to deal with - "the teacher" role.

And an expansion of the heart will impact those around.

Thank you Seawolf.

[Xan]

Belle... It takes time and persistence to recondition yourself from a sense of unworthiness to self-acceptance, self-appreciation and genuine self-love... but it can be done.

Then if your mother can't give you respect and kindness you may not take it so personally but see it as her problem, poor thing.


Xan

Hey Belle, I'm new here, but I can relate to your post. You said:

I truly believe that we choose our parents according to the lessons we need to learn - and we choose them to be our teachers - and they choose us to also teach them. The relationship between parent and child (I believe) is massively complex on an emotional and spiritual level.

I'm inches from walking away from her in anger and fury but that would just open me up to a bad karma.

I believe we choose our parents as well, and that we teach each other. I have taken distance from my father, not out of anger, but yes out of hurt. It has only been a short time and so it is still difficult, but the more distance I have from him, the more peace in my heart and clarity in my mind.

I've been healing the old messages I got from my parents, and taking the space I need to do so. I send my father love and light whenever I think of him, I am sad because it seems he will never heal. But, perhaps I am teaching him by being absent. Certainly talking to him never changed anything.

I'm not saying to write your mother off, but that taking a breather for yourself to gain clarity and heal is healthy. Think of it like this, your mother poisons you emotionally. You cannot heal by taking more poison.

As far as my opinion on the law of attraction I totally agree that you are likely to attract another person similar to your mom, that is why it is best for you to heal. Perhaps your changes will teach your mother, whether you are near or from afar.

Have you considered therapy? I think it is easy for us raised with dysfunctional parents to get caught in co-dependency as an adult. Though I had deeply held spiritual beliefs before, I realized I could not bypass my human healing...that I needed to go through it to be able to set it aside. Before, I was constantly coping with stress. Though I did this pretty well thanks to my spiritual beliefs, I never healed the root cause. Therapy has been invaluable to me.

Though I still believe in the light within all humans, I've realized that my father has chosen to remain in darkness. That is his choice, not mine. Though I recognize who he is at heart, and pray for his light to shine, I know that it is his choice. I truly hope one day he changes, but I know that even me pulling away may not be enough to instigate change. And I also know that this fact is not a reflection of my worth, or how much he does/doesn't love me. His brand of love is not healthy for me.

I didn't intend to write this much. Your post truly hit home for me because I struggled for a long time with the relationship with my father. Do you have children? What finally hit home for me was thinking:
"Would I treat my child this way?"
"Do I want to allow people to treat my child this way?"

Consider walking away out of love for yourself. Begin loving yourself enough to create an emotionally healthy environment for you. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.