another grandma dream

[ragdoll]

I had a dream last night where I went up to see my sister. They live in the high desert and it takes me 1.5-2 hours to go see them. On the last bit of road to get to their house, I stopped at another house where my grandma and grandpa on my dad's side lived. I don't remember seeing the outside of the house, but the inside was a mesh of their apartment in Arizona (I'm in California) and a more modern apartment. Grandpa didn't really want to come out and talk, but Grandma was more than willing to talk.

It was as if everything that kind of burdened her was gone? She was very happy and ready to talk. I even noted it to her, I said you look very happy and healthy, like you've just bounced back from Alzheimer's (which she suffered and died from). I said, "If I had known you were so close, I would have visited more." Meanwhile, the part of me that was kind of still awake was like, no, she died of Alzhiemer's, sick and skinny in bed, this can't be real. But in the dream, Grandma was like I'm all better now, everything is great.

I remember at some point the blue couch in the room was suddenly a bed and I was laying on it. Grandma went into another room and was watching Star Wars Episode 1 (which is so weird, because I haven't seen that movie in ages, and she died before it was ever released). I remember when I was laying in bed, there was a mirror pointed at me, but at an angle where I didn't see myself.

Then the dream shifted and I was not in their house at all. But I woke up because I knew that before that last part in bed, the dream had moved from a very clear visit to my grandparent's house to some random dream. It was just very strange, but I could tell that my grandma was very happy and sort of released from burdens of life. My grandpa, not so much. He was still grumpy and offputting, like in real life. I dunno if that means he still has karma to sort out or maybe he just didn't want to see me.

It made me think, recently, where I realized that my life is everything my grandmothers and even my mom could never achieve. I live in an apartment that I pay for myself. I can be single and still be happy, I can live without kids and still be happy, I am free to do what I want, when I want it. and I don't have to get married to survive. I have multiple degrees from college, and they were unable to go to college. I can express myself without a man telling me what to do or what not to do.

I always thought that I should look up to and emulate them, but, maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe striking out and living a life they could never live and achieving what they could never achieve is what I am to do.