How to cope with feelings of envy?

[Bonge]

I find that the biggest issue I have when dealing with break ups is this idea that the person will eventually move on and forget about me. That they’ll find someone else who will make them feel better than I made them feel. I feel bad that this is always my biggest concern, because it’s such a fearful and incredibly selfish concern to have. As if I want people I care about to suffer just so I can feel better about myself?

I really want to look at these issues from a different angle. How do I reform my thinking? Thank you.

[RedEmbers]

No one can ever replace you because in this world, there is only one of you.


I have moved on from so many relationships and not one person or relationship is ever the same as the last.
That is why I miss some people so much, because I know that there is only one of them and once they have left my life I know they cannot be replaced.

Nobody can replace me to them either, even if on the surface they have moved on, good for them but I know there is only one me so there is no replacement option for one of a kind model hehe.


You are truly irreplaceable because nobody else like you exists.

[Redchic12]

Bonge, for what it is worth, I feel most of us get that exact same feeling but most will not admit it, so don’t let it get you down cos it’s pretty normal. It will eventually pass as everything does.

What’s helped me in the past is by saying “I owe them nothing and they owe me nothing”. That got me thru it.

Also try not to think about it in terms of something ending instead think of it as an exciting BEGINNING with so many possibilities.

The old cliche is “time is the greatest healer” and there is so much truth in that.

[energy4ever]

Who's to say they will find someone to make them feel better? Maybe you did too once and then
that past. Someone else will maybe and then maybe that will pass. Could it be it is down to you feeling that you have failed? Maybe you are not the one who failed, maybe your ex is? You then should not take on his/her quilt that is camouflaged as envy
Maybe you were the one.
Maybe your ex will never be as happy as he/she once was with you.

Feelings come and go. All you can do is to work to be a better person for the future. Maybe you will meet the man/woman of your dreams and your ex won't. How about that one? Maybe your ex will be caught in the same game because he/she learned nothing from it?
It is not always the first instinct of a feeling we get to feel that is the true cause of what it truly is. It is more of a symptom of the real cause, like you go to the doctor for one thing but turns out why it is this way is because of something else.

I don't believe it's right to suppress or feel ashamed of any feeling we have but more think of what could be the true causes behind it. Often at first we don't have a clue. Once you got that down, and work with that, you will be free of it. You won't longer feel that way, I promise. My ex would tell me when we were together that he had such strong feelings for me that he did not know what to do with himself.
He could be so happy one moment and then extremely angry and having plenty of other negative feelings other moments that I hadn't caused. He blamed me for them. They were his before invisible baggage of not dealt with issues from before. They had been asleep before he met me.
It was easier to blame me .
He wanted an easy love. He would tell me that. He would when it was over after a long time of behaving like the pig he once was, come out on the other side (great job he did there) and ask of my forgiveness and of his great love for me but when he had me his so called great love for me was his enemy but it camouflaged as me being the enemy.
I wasn't the enemy.

All this time I wasn't the enemy. But no way he could see that back then.
I thought before we could just be happy and have a stable life and family life and I was ready to do that but it wasn't possible with someone like him, how he was back in the day.
Him feeling happy with me was scary to him because it would make his feelings grow even stronger and it was easier for him to then say, do something to cause some disturbance when I did not understand what was going on.
I believe you first of all have to be happy in your own skin, not having "ghosts in your closet" and then if you meet someone that is like you you will have no trouble then being happy together.

[Tatiana Mari]

Dear Bonge,
I see that you easily attract possible partners and they want to be with you. Do not feel sad because of he left but take it as a sign that you do deserve a better person.

Try to think about your self esteem as this is the key in your situation. Find 10 important situations in your life where you felt valued by yourself and where you're proud of yourself. And write all 10 examples down. Look and them and feel thankful that you could make them.

And in the end of every day be thankful to your self that you did something, that you could do something. Say "thank you" words even for a little improvement.

I wish you all the best.

[Redchic12]

Here’s something for all of us. Don’t know who wrote it but I like it

REASON SEASON OR LIFETIME

People come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is you will know what to do for each person

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support to aid you physically emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer that you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons - things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Bonge

... As if I want people I care about to suffer just so I can feel better about myself?
I really want to look at these issues from a different angle. How do I reform my thinking?

Well, you've already made the huge big step!
Recognizing this is not a great thought or feeling!
Yay!

[Bonge]

You guys are all so great, I can’t express how much I appreciate all of your words but just know your posts all mean more than you know. Thank you.

[lamb1]

Hey.
I have something to say about envy. I feel a lot of this feeling toward people I love and people I do not know. This is very unpleasant feeling and I think its should be treated as a signal and thing that is pointing something. Where you still Łąck od your Love. For example : i have a lot of envy when my loved one was meeting some woman. This means and this shows that I feel insecure in the matter of my femininity . That I do not appreciate my own femininity and I don't feel good about myself in this part. I feel all the time that I need to prove that I'm beautiful and worthy, and im fact I don't have to prove anything because - I feel and believe - that I'm a child of the Divine and am worthy and beautiful because of the Simple fact that I am here :) same is with you and about you. Lastly I came to the realisation that our - human - worthy is inalienable - like Copyrights ;) do we can calm down, breath and let ourselves feel good without any guilt. This is , I think, the starting point :) in exploring life.
I wonder, what can I do to become my own fan. Because I Reserved it.
All the best for you. I wish you come to the point where joy and laugh will take place of this envy. I also found out that APPRECIATION of this what makes you feel envy is a great way of dissolving this maybe important but not necessary to carry feeling...
One thing more: I have a tendency to act somehow to make someone feel good, not BORED etc. but I think this is only desperation to prevent rejection. And this shows that Im not giving someone anything but only try to get (avoid rejection).

I Hope it helps anyhow . And forgive mistakes, will try to correct them later

[txsha]

I think that form of thinking is natural for some and is part of the grieving process. I say some, because I think those with lower self esteem would feel that. Those with higher self esteem might think, sucks for them they'll never find someone as great as me.

In any case, these are natural feelings. So the first step in reforming your thoughts is to not beat yourself up for it! Shame does not allow us to move forward, it makes us hide and stay where we are.

After that, just know that you two aren't together because you aren't a match vibrationally. That person may have aspects of them that you don't actually like. And you just may not know it yet.

What you really want, is your own perfect match, not a specific person. Keep the focus on that, which is focusing on you. And in doing that, you aren't thinking about them and what they are or aren't doing.

When you find someone you absolutely adore, you won't want your ex to suffer. You'll be so happy that you will want all to be happy.

Kind of like when people happy in love go on a mission to play match-maker for their friends, whether their friends want it or not When you feel happy, you want that for everyone else too.

So, don't beat yourself up. This is natural. You are just grieving. Let the process happen.

Remember you want YOUR person, not just any person - even if you think you want them now.

There is no competition, no one can take what is yours. True love and happiness are yours to have.

The happier you are, the less you will have these kinds of thoughts.

Maybe mute them on social media so you aren't exposed to what they are up to. Make it easier on yourself.