Letting other people's problems be their problems.

[blackraven]

Returning Moon - Good thread! Yes, it's a gift to yourself when you let other people's problems be just that. I don't mean to be cold, but I've had to step back out of other family members problems in order to protect myself from taking over and trying to solve everything for everyone. In my opinion, it's unhealthy to take on problems that aren't your own. Life is hard enough as it is. When I've given in to people in the past and compromised myself, I ended up feeling tremendous resentment. I don't like operating like that.

[Redchic12]

One of the things that I have found to be useful is that when one of your family members starts telling you their problems you can say “you know I feel that you are smart enough to figure out the solution to this problem”.

That way you are actually empowering them and of course buying out of the responsibility of taking on board their problems.

Just my view of course.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Redchic12

One of the things that I have found to be useful is that when one of your family members starts telling you their problems you can say “you know I feel that you are smart enough to figure out the solution to this problem”.

Great idea Redchic12!

[SaraTherase]

I feel 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. You never know when you might need some help from someone yourself so help if you can just try and be aware of your own limitations and have some boundaries otherwise you may become unnessasarily entagled in someone's else problems.

[Redchic12]

SaraTheres

Some good points you have made. However I feel that there are two ways that you can be helpful to others who have a problem to solve.

One, you explain to others how you think they can try and solve their problem.

Two, you go off and solve it for them.

Number one is the skilful way of doing it and number two is the unskillful way of doing it.

That has been my experience in life.

Just my opinion of course.

[sky]

Originally Posted by Redchic12

One, you explain to others how you think they can try and solve their problem.

Two, you go off and solve it for them.

Number one is the skilful way of doing it and number two is the unskillful way of doing it.

We can share our 'Tools' with others, but we can't put them into their hands.....

[RedEmbers]

Having come through the other side of emotional enmeshment with my mother, learning to let her have her own problems and not trying to cushion and protect myself by fixing anything about her or her belief systems has given me back my own life and mental health.

Sometimes it takes time to change those coping strategies but it is worth it to become a healthy and emotionally well adjusted person

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

Having come through the other side of emotional enmeshment with my mother, learning to let her have her own problems and not trying to cushion and protect myself by fixing anything about her or her belief systems has given me back my own life and mental health.

I can relate, RedEmbers. I was the mother to my siblings growing up because my mother spent a lot of time in bars while my Dad was away at work. It actually took me years to shake off the dysfunctional relationship I had with her. Good for you, getting your own life back and protecting your mental health.