How do you stay vibing high with a low vibrational spouse?

[Rue11]

I try to approach my problems from a law of attraction point of view, as in, what you focus on in your life gets amplified. There are a lot of things I don't like that I can brush off and ignore. But some things aren't so easily ignored.

If I am trying to attract being treated better, is that the wrong way to go about it? Should I be trying to change my perspective on the way I am treated or change how it affects me? This feels like allowing him to treat me poorly. If I am trying to keep my vibration so high that he just vibrates out of my life...that's so much easier said than done. It's hard to remain in a higher vibration when someone is trying to drag you down to their lower vibration.

[inavalan]

In such situations the advice is "ignore" it, don't "avoid" it. Accept / recognize it, ignore it, move on. Don't feed the negative situation with your energy.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Rue11

I try to approach my problems from a law of attraction point of view, as in, what you focus on in your life gets amplified. There are a lot of things I don't like that I can brush off and ignore. But some things aren't so easily ignored.

If I am trying to attract being treated better, is that the wrong way to go about it? Should I be trying to change my perspective on the way I am treated or change how it affects me? This feels like allowing him to treat me poorly. If I am trying to keep my vibration so high that he just vibrates out of my life...that's so much easier said than done. It's hard to remain in a higher vibration when someone is trying to drag you down to their lower vibration.

You say "If I am trying to keep my vibration so high that he just vibrates out of my life...that's so much easier said than done."

This sounds like you want the relationship to end and this man to be gone. If this is how you really feel then take action to bring this about. Maybe give him an ultimatum - "Treat me better or this relationship is over."

If you don't want to end the relationship then use the power of visualisation to mentally create the kind of relationship you want with him. Or use the power of ho'oponopono to bring about change. If nothing succeeds then maybe it is time for you to go your separate ways.

Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes we attract a partner because there are lessons to be learned. Then it is time to move on and find someone new who resonates more closely to our own vibration.

Peace

[John32241]

Hi,

I vote for 'change how it affect you'. You seem to be doing that the best way you can.

There is a term 'drop your karma'. That happens when we shift out of reaction mode to reflection mode. He will say some thing very unkind and the first thought that comes to your mind is 'I wonder why he said that in this instance'. That is an exampe of reflecting instead of reacting. It takes practoce like any thing else.

When you respond to him this way, he will get upset, not you.

John

[sea-dove]

Originally Posted by Rue11

This feels like allowing him to treat me poorly. If I am trying to keep my vibration so high that he just vibrates out of my life...that's so much easier said than done. It's hard to remain in a higher vibration when someone is trying to drag you down to their lower vibration.

When you say that you want him to just vibrate out of your life, it sounds like you no longer want to be with him... and YOU ARE allowing him to treat you poorly by staying. Sometimes what we need to do is find our inner strength to leave a bad relationship (why wait for him to leave? the power to leave lays with you) and this is how you prevent another from dragging you down into a lower vibration.

Trying to just ignore the situation and be okay with it.. is accepting it and sending him a message that it's okay to do what he does. It doesn't help him to become a better person and just encourages his negativity to continue.

I know many in the Jehovah Witness religion are told to ignore their abusive husbands (mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse) and told to just pray more and be positive and taking up that stance with people at times has lead to people being killed or more psychological damage. So yes you could just ignore how he acts and try to not allow it to affect you.. or you can choose to really take action and be clear "No treating people like this is not ok" and just leave.

LOA is good and works well but a person also needs to take actions if they do not want situations to continue other wise it is like praying but not being willing to do anything about ones situation on the physical level.
best wishes to you

[FairyCrystal]

Law of Attraction is not meant to keep you together with someone who's not a good fit. It shows you who you do match with and who not. It's not the idea to try and use LoA to make someone higher vibrational than they are ready to be. It won't work. It's their own choice. If the gap between you and another isn't too big and there's love and/or positive feelings, then it will 'rub off'.
If you'd truly be on a high vibration you wouldn't want to be with someone who treats you poorly/bad either. When you're on a high vibration you know you deserve better.
It's also almost impossible to get to a high vibration yourself when with a person like that. It's exhausting and you can't really grow much either because the other keeps dragging you down.
So instead of thinking you can change this situation and this person you may want to think about it being better to simply part ways.

[Rue11]

Thanks all. I am dependent on him financially and we have a child so it isn't a simple thing to leave.

It's not so much what he says. I can talk myself out of being upset over words. It's his actions that make my life more difficult.

I try not to put blame on others for the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel helpless. So if I decide to stay and put up with things I don't like (at least for a while, maybe a few more years) then how do I change my negative thought patterns surrounding the situation? I'm trying to talk mysf out of being mad at him for doing things that make my life difficult. I get headaches and anxiety over this and I just want to feel peace.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Rue11

Thanks all. I am dependent on him financially and we have a child so it isn't a simple thing to leave.

It's not so much what he says. I can talk myself out of being upset over words. It's his actions that make my life more difficult.

I try not to put blame on others for the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel helpless. So if I decide to stay and put up with things I don't like (at least for a while, maybe a few more years) then how do I change my negative thought patterns surrounding the situation? I'm trying to talk mysf out of being mad at him for doing things that make my life difficult. I get headaches and anxiety over this and I just want to feel peace.

Very difficult.
What I did -automatically- was put up walls to protect myself. But stuff will still get through if they are real nasty and know your most tender spots and go for these.
You can change your view about the situation by telling yourself it temporary. You can NOT change the situation, nor him, so starting to tell yourself fairtale nonsense will only damage your self-esteem and self-respect further.
Be realistic. Say this is not what I want, this is not what I deserve, and this is not how I'm going to live my whole life!!
You can even focus on what you DO want, how you do want to be treated by a partner, how you do want to feel in a relationship and what that great relationship should offer you.
Start looking for options. Do you have qualifications to work (eventually)? What kind of work could you get? What child care / support options do you have? Like parents or good friends etc.
What kind of house could you live in? Do you need to register for this on time? Do you think your partner will pay child support if you split?
Etc etc. What are your options? What are possibilities?
As opposed to doing nothing where you are now you can plan (the above) and prepare.
Cos bear in mind, it is NOT healthy for your child to be in this situation either, even if he doesn't treat him/her badly, the child does get so see and feel how its mother is treated like ****. That gives a child a whole skewed idea of how a woman should be treated and what his mother deserves.
Chances are he/she will begin treating you the same way your partner does.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Rue11

Thanks all. I am dependent on him financially and we have a child so it isn't a simple thing to leave.

It's not so much what he says. I can talk myself out of being upset over words. It's his actions that make my life more difficult.

I try not to put blame on others for the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel helpless. So if I decide to stay and put up with things I don't like (at least for a while, maybe a few more years) then how do I change my negative thought patterns surrounding the situation? I'm trying to talk mysf out of being mad at him for doing things that make my life difficult. I get headaches and anxiety over this and I just want to feel peace.

It may help you to look into the work of Byron Katie. Her core theme is that if we resist the reality of how things are then we suffer. Wanting people to be other than they are is hopeless - they are what they are until they change.

This may sound like a very passive approach, but it is really about letting go of our resistance to the reality of our situation. In other words, becoming free from the negative thought patterns you mention.

Byron Katie teaches a process to help people change their thinking about their situation. And usually that situation involves dealing with a person we find difficult. And what often happens is that when we change our thinking around a difficult person then our relationship with that person also changes.

A good place to start is her book Loving What Is.

Peace.

Originally Posted by Rue11

Thanks all. I am dependent on him financially and we have a child so it isn't a simple thing to leave.

It's not so much what he says. I can talk myself out of being upset over words. It's his actions that make my life more difficult.

I try not to put blame on others for the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel helpless. So if I decide to stay and put up with things I don't like (at least for a while, maybe a few more years) then how do I change my negative thought patterns surrounding the situation? I'm trying to talk mysf out of being mad at him for doing things that make my life difficult. I get headaches and anxiety over this and I just want to feel peace.

I think you try to set an example and disregard any negative stuff he dishes up. BE optimistic. Think your own thoughts and visualise a better situation in which you'd like to find yourself. And simply don't respond to negative stuff. I know it's going to be difficult but with some practice - and turning elsewhere to find something good about each day - you'll notice things changing. When he's negative, shrug it off as best you can. Try to take up an interest that allows you some insulation - maybe reading or a dance-fitness group.

I'm no believer in LoA nor do I fully understand what this high vibration stuff is - I interpret it to be a tranquil optimism, a sunniness about one's life, a sense of wellbeing - if I'm even a percent right then I can understand you feeling held-back. So you need to disconnect yourself spiritually from him; leave him to his own devices. Let him be as negative as he likes while you KNOW you're on a different level of positive. OK, it's putting up with things - and I agree with FairyCrystal - there's only one real answer which you aren't able to do at the moment - but you may be able to insulate yourself a little. Insulate - insula (Latin) - island. Become an island in your own right.

There's nothing wrong about visualising the kind of relationship and circumstances you'd like to find yourself in and seeing it as a longer term goal.
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