in need of faith, trust, confidence and positive vibes...

kindheart · #1 13-09-2011, 01:04 AM

Good evening you guys,
I feel bad that I seem to only come on this site when I feel down and upset, but I need your help once again.

Been through a streak of dating men that only caused me pain and heartache, some of them even stealing money from me. I fall in love easily, and with the wrong persons. I keep wanting for them to be the one, but kinda knowing they aren't (but trying to look for signs that they may be), even though I'm unhappy.

I took some time for myself, let go of bad relationships. Without expecting to meet anyone knew and interesting, I met this guy this past april (or end of March). I didn't know if I was interested in him at first, but kept seeing him and going on dates. The more I got to know him, the more I liked him. He is the most caring, affectionate, fun, sweet, thoughtful guy I ever met. He treats me like a princess, we have so much fun together, if we argue about something we solve it very fast. For the first time I thought "finally, THIS is what love is supposed to be like, and now I know what people meant when they say when you find the one, you'll know". And I've been thanking Angels every week for him.

Now I'm falling in love with him, but he still hasn't been able to say I love you. We had a conversation this weekend, and he finally admitted that although he thinks I'm so precious, and that he cares about me so much, and has feelings for me (beyond friends), he was badly hurt a year ago by this girl he thought he was going to marry. He worries he will never love again, and he fears he'll never be able to love me, although he sometimes feel like he could but is holding back. He sometimes I think I deserve better, someone who can love me. We almost broke up, but he decided to stay and get help. He feels empty inside, but at the same time is so thankful for me.

I'm so saddened by this, and so scared, and fear that he will leave me, or will never love me like he wants to. I need to stay positive and stop fearing, or else my negative vibes will break us apart. It's so hard to stay positive and stop fearing, it's so hard to try and be confident that things will work out in the end and that we will keep on having this great relationship together. I had written a list of all the qualities I wanted my future husband to have, and asked my angels to bring this man to me when the time was right. That was before we met. And he corresponds to that man I described and hoped the angels would bring to me. It's hard to believe that there's a chance he isn't the one, nonetheless.

Can you guys please send us positive thoughts/vibes to help us out? He wants to love me so much, please send him positive vibes to help him trust in himself, and in love, and to help him heal and fill that empty hole with love and joy? And could you please send me positive thoughts/vibes to help me have trust in us, in him, in his abilities to trust again, and to not fear about what might happen to us? I need to keep having faith in us, and in him, and I need help with this. I have so much fear and anxiety, and it's not good for either of us...

Any suggestion would also be appreciated... sorry that is was so long... Thanks for reading :)

#2 13-09-2011, 04:22 AM

It was a big deal that he admitted his being hurt to you. Have patience w/ him. TRUST that he will get over his past hurt. Don’t rush him.

Even if you love him, avoid saying so as this will put huge pressure on him that he doesn’t need right now. What counts isn’t the words, but how he treats you.

Why are you holding tightly to anxiety & fear about this??????

kindheart · #3 13-09-2011, 04:41 AM

Thanks so much for this response... We kept talking and I know he has some feelings for me, and whishes he could love me. I now realize it will take time, if it does happen. But he treats me so well and is so loving and caring even if he can't say it and holds back from actually loving. I guess I'm hurt that I love him more than he does me, but I also understand where he's coming from. After realizing he does have feelings for me even if it's not love yet, I told him I accepted him for who he was and that it might take time, but he will love again some day. If not me, someone else. But that there's no way he will never love again. And told him I realized 5 months since we met can be early and that I was sorry I may have put pressure on him. He told me he hoped I was feeling better today, I said as long as I know you have some kinds of feelings for me, I'm ok, and I'm ok with you not being able to love yet. I think it reassured him a little.

He is such a wonderful person in and out, and I believe I treat him right. He tells me how precious I am. I've been trying to send some positive vibes today, he deserves to be happy and to be able to love again. I want it for the right reasons, he does deserve to be soooo happy, what a wonderful person he is and it breaks my heart to see him hurting. But part of me feels selfish for sending out those vibes since him healing could also benefit me...

I've suffered from anxiety all my life, since I was a young child. I fear the unknown. I hate the feeling of no control over my life. I think I think negative so that I'm not so shocked IF it turns out to not work out between him and I. But I know that this fear and anxiety is triggering bad things. For once I found a guy as special and caring and sweet and fun as him, with whom I feel comfortable and that I can trust, I don't want to lose it. It was way overdue that I found a great guy that I can see myself living the rest of my life with, I would feel so devastated if I did lose him... I need help to trust in his abilities to get over his ex gf and hurt (as he needs to also trust it will happen... and he doesn't believe it right now)

#4 13-09-2011, 08:08 PM

just remember actions speak louder than words - he certainly doesn't (from your description) sound like he loves you less than you love him. just that he is afraid to say it or admit it.

have patience and most of all, have faith. it sounds like he already loves you and is more afraid of saying it out loud for fear it will end like his past relationships. seeing as how you do have similarities in your pasts, i believe that you can come through this and grow together. lots of love and light to you both that the connection you feel can become even more open :)

kindheart · #5 13-09-2011, 10:15 PM

Thank you all so much for your positive messages and vibes. The other thing that makes me wonder is that he isn't over his ex... I'm not sure if he still has feelings for her (he was the one to break up with her though), but he says he misses who she was, and that he had it all planned out with her and would have married her in a heart beat. But his plans fell short when she started lying to him, ignoring him, etc., and he had enough. I don't think he'd go back to her though... but I wish he could get over her. He deserves happiness. I know he cares a big deal about me. I just hope he can trust in his abilities to love someone else again. We understand each other and are both loving and caring people :)

kindheart · #6 13-09-2011, 10:20 PM

I think if I can keep having faith in him, and patience, that things will work out between us and we will go on to have the loving, fun, caring and trusting relationship with both deserve. And I think you guys are right... although he is a very kind man in nature, I don't think he'd be so caring and thoughtful and affectionate if he didn't love me in some way, even if subconsciously...

Miss Hepburn · #7 14-09-2011, 07:52 PM

I have found - personally - that when a man has been hurt - but also cares about me- being independent, strong, detached is like a pheremone sp?to him.
As in : What? You don't care? You're not pressuring me? You're fine if I don't call you for 2 weeks? What do you mean you're busy this Friday going to a party you didn't think I'd be interested in?

All of a sudden I am more attractive and some ancient "hunt" kicks in...
they smell the disinterest.

Ha!

I'm serious.

kindheart · #8 20-10-2011, 06:45 PM

Well, i was very patient, did not push it, prayed for him to find happiness, love for himself and the world, prayed to god and the angels to fill his heart with joy and help us both, as we both wanted this to work out between us. We had a great relationship. He didn't want to let me go. He's hurting badly. So am I. But he had to let me go two night ago, since he realized he couldn't love anyone and it wasn't fair for me. He fears never to love again. Our relationship felt so right at first, I was happy for once, and he says I was the best gf he had, that I was so easy to get along with and he could see himself living his life with me... only he couldn't fall in love cause he's unhappy with himself and his life. Why did God and Angels not answer our prayers??? He wanted this to work, he wanted to love me, he asked that I prayed for him... We had met at an unexpected time, it was so awesome... We both thought we had an awesome relationship. This was the only thing wrong with it. We both deserved to have each other... We didn't deserve this pain. It's not fair.