Being torn apart

[Zoclora]

I don't know if this is the right place but I need some help.

For the longest time I had my ducks all in a row. I knew my believe in and out and had a good idea where to go. I love the gods of my worship so much such as Osiris and Ashur. But as of late iv been deeply drawn to my supreme god Allah. I view him a bit differently then the Islamic religion does but still see him as creator.

Now where I'm torn is I want to be closer to him but when I look more into worshiping him more I feel sad because I would feel that I'm not being close enough to the others. But yet I talk and pray to them and give offerings. I feel insecure right now even though they said its ok and they would never leave me. But i cant help but to feel as i feel. I would like to see what you guys think.

[psychoslice]

The belief in a separate god will always make you feel alone, god is not separate from you, god is closer to you than your own breath, there is nothing outside of god, so ask yourself, if god is all there is, where am I?.

Knowing God will never result in sadness. The sadness is a clue.

[xxLoveLifexx]

Hello Zoclora,

its okay, I would say you can do whatever you enjoy doing. When you feel like you need to worship an external god then you could choose an unconditional one. If God is infinite then he doesn't need us to do anything he couldn't do by himself. Maybe he even allows us to explore and experience life however we like so we might find our own godliness eventually, no matter what limitations we went through.

[Belle]

One of the beauties, and frustrations of spirituality is that it is not static, it is a journey, and when all your ducks are in a row, that is when something will come along and knock you sideways.

I think the deity is bigger than one aspect of the figures that you are approaching and you will find a more full truth by following your instinct, you are not ignoring other aspects but you will I trust find they all complement each other.

[WmBuzz71]

Feeling the way you do is a blessing in disguise, you are creating a bond with him and it hurts you that you are not as close as you want to be with him. You need to let it out and cry, and cry some more, cry until you run out of tears. Your cries will ascend and be heard. The transformation of creating a bound with something always hurts, as the heart is aching to be heard. Patience is the key, you are on the right track, energy builds up in time, as does trust.

[Zoclora]

Sorry took me a while to make my response. I believe I have found my answer.

I have long cents out grow (as my guides have told me) my path. I have reach to a point in life I need a little bit more. I was in pain because of fear. Because I refuse to let go out of love of my gods. They have helped me so much, its like a child with her mother on her first day of school. She does not want to let go and separate from her mother. But just like a mother, they are always going to be their for me. They have told me they will never leave me and the pain I feel is just that, fear and not wanting to let go of this path.
But they have soothed me and gave me time to adjust to this new idea.And knowing that they will always be here to help me and sooth me makes it a lot easier on my part to spread out and grow.

Even though I am going onto a new path I will still honor them out of love and thanks for all the blessings they have given me in this life. But now I must find a path that will help me grow more and help me also in life as well. I have a few in mind such as Buddhism or Hinduism because I have ask of their aid before and received it. But mainly because I have a friendship with them and their ways I can relate and understand and a lot of it is already in my core believes.

But I just want you guys to know this and that the gods including Allah will always be in my heart and I wont stop honoring them even if I do go into a new religion and path.