Friends

[RedEmbers]

I am starting to feel, that my friendships seem to hold more weight in the relationship department.

I have been married and celibate and partnered and single and yet those most emotionally intimate connections I have developed over time have been my friendships.

Over time, many things have faded for me, those shiny, pretty things have passed away and yet those, mundane day to day interactions with friends have remained.


Conversations about what's for dinner and how bad our shoes smell after a full day's work.

It seems like I have had so many expectations from relationships outside of friendships, yet I have come to value the love, commitment, irritations and working/ironing things out which true friendships have fostered and that deeper respect I have developed through it all.


Who is going to be there, holding my hand at the end of it all, when I am drooling and messy and dying, probably my friends who have seen me in all of my states when so many other, shiny and superficial interactions seem to pass away.

[JustBe]

It’s interesting I look at friends as kindred people. So for me it might be family members who just get me and I get them.

I’ve been in friendship circles and have noticed there can be a great deal of superficial relating going on and I struggle with that. I can do it, but after a while it wanes. Don’t get me wrong, I can relate to most anyone, but true friendship runs much deeper for me.

Kindred people and deep connection allows for all of you to be expressed and the other to be in this way too.

I think a lot comes back to where you are in the stream if yoursekf and life as to who and what you are connected too.

Sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable with some and not others. Sometimes it’s easier to be more open with some than others. Intimate relationships are no different.

I used to say you can’t get all your needs met through one person. Yet now I see that in an intimate relationship you can meet someone close to your own needs. But first you have to meet yourself..

Sound like you have very good friends! Some are not that lucky. I have read close soulmates are reborn as family members and friends, seem true in your case :)

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by JustBe

It’s interesting I look at friends as kindred people

Kindred people and deep connection allows for all of you to be expressed and the other to be in this way too.

I think a lot comes back to where you are in the stream if yoursekf and life as to who and what you are connected too.

I think so too.

In opening up towards those who I feel a "kindred" connection to, it really could be anyone and at them moment, for me it is currently friendships.

A friend of mine was sharing with me a few days ago, how their kindred was with people with (egalitarian) authority within the community, such as spiritual mentors, teachers, chaplains of shared religions, values and such.



I am in a place of wanting to honour different connections not to the exclusion of what I have possibly idealised in the past through some sense of "FOMO" haha.

Narrow vision of meeting a very desperate need through a very narrow lense of what I believed relationships to be.

How things were presented to me in the 90's of idealised soulmates and how literally I may have interpreted those ideas. My childhood home town was very "idyllic" too and the people who resided there.

If that makes sense?!


All while not discounting the validity of any other kind of relationship

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Sound like you have very good friends! Some are not that lucky. I have read close soulmates are reborn as family members and friends, seem true in your case :)

I have not recognised how lucky I am in this area of life until quite recently, when life felt quite challenging and I realised that I have many people I felt safe enough to turn towards

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

I think so too.

In opening up towards those who I feel a "kindred" connection to, it really could be anyone and at them moment, for me it is currently friendships.

A friend of mine was sharing with me a few days ago, how their kindred was with people with (egalitarian) authority within the community, such as spiritual mentors, teachers, chaplains of shared religions, values and such.



I am in a place of wanting to honour different connections not to the exclusion of what I have possibly idealised in the past through some sense of "FOMO" haha.

Narrow vision of meeting a very desperate need through a very narrow lense of what I believed relationships to be.

How things were presented to me in the 90's of idealised soulmates and how literally I may have interpreted those ideas. My childhood home town was very "idyllic" too and the people who resided there.

If that makes sense?!


All while not discounting the validity of any other kind of relationship

If your friendships are kindred then your doing well.

I’m very much in this zone now.
I guess we live according to what’s available to us, until you know more, understand more about how connections can be, but definitely the ‘times’ and environments affect our views about relationships. At the core though, I think we consistently reflecting through, mirroring and eventually building lasting or temporary relationships. I think also the journey through friendships teaches us about what’s important and like you shared, who are the ones that will stand the test of time and always be there.

For me personally, growing up I never fitted in anywhere. I had friendships, people generally liked me, but I was so confused by people’s behaviours and ways of relating. It just all appeared so false and things like drinking and one night stands never really appealed to me. I could see clearly what they were trying to become from it and even that turned me off. So rather than participate, I often isolated and avoided it.

I tend to relate better to men than woman. I’ve always struggled with woman. But then I grew up in a predominately male household, with six brothers.

I’m very close to my sister, but growing up she was more a mother role being older. It took time and maturity to build a relationship differently.

I would say my closest friend is my eldest niece. My sisters daughter. We tend to share everything and always have.


My mother as the main feminine role model, was introverted and very busy with family so she generally didn’t have time or didn’t seek out others. Her life was full in other ways. My father was extroverted but being a sensitive he liked his alone time. Both my parents only had a handful of close friends, but generally they got on well with anyone.


A lot of people around me tend to friendships far better than myself. Sometimes I think i am quite a lazy friend lol..

I see people catching up, going out together and all that kind of thing. Me, I’m happy to do that ‘sometimes’ but generally I need more creative, nurturing me time. Especially with working, when I get home, the last thing I’m needing is socialising. lol I’m talking all day to customers, giving a great deal of my presence to each one.


I think being open, there is a depth of connectedness that moves everywhere you are. So in this way of being, I feel very different about relationships nowadays. In being open, your birthing a deeper level of relating, it’s more fulfilling. It fills you up. The shared space is full..

Perhaps that’s why I don’t have to be with a select group.

Being open and connected your meeting life, everything flows to you more aligned to that open state.

[Izz]

You sound very blessed in the friendship realm. May it continue prosperously for you

[RedEmbers]

Thanks Izz,
That is very kind. It has not always been this way, just after a few crises in life, I kind broadened my circle a bit.

[RedEmbers]

Thanks JustBe.

I can relate to being a "lazy friend" and occasional catch up's once every few months or so haha
I think that is one of the reasons why it seemed to take a crisis for me to open up a little bit, lol.

I only just sort of realised that there are other people out there who feel the same way except that they are often not out in public enough to meet in the first place. I am lucky enough to know one friend who is similar in that regard, it is quite comforting actually, very low pressure and a bit more intuitive.


I do kind of get what you mean about your last few paragraphs.
I actually very consciously gave up on having friendships in my early twenties, it felt like a relief to me because my motivation to seek relationships was not quite as strong as it seemed to be in other people around me at the time.

Then, naturally, that decision sort of opened me up to a more "in - flow" kind of approach to relationships, which in hindsight has possibly been more fulfilling then the sorts of ideas I may have projected onto friendships.

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

Thanks JustBe.

I can relate to being a "lazy friend" and occasional catch up's once every few months or so haha
I think that is one of the reasons why it seemed to take a crisis for me to open up a little bit, lol.

I only just sort of realised that there are other people out there who feel the same way except that they are often not out in public enough to meet in the first place. I am lucky enough to know one friend who is similar in that regard, it is quite comforting actually, very low pressure and a bit more intuitive.


I do kind of get what you mean about your last few paragraphs.
I actually very consciously gave up on having friendships in my early twenties, it felt like a relief to me because my motivation to seek relationships was not quite as strong as it seemed to be in other people around me at the time.

Then, naturally, that decision sort of opened me up to a more "in - flow" kind of approach to relationships, which in hindsight has possibly been more fulfilling then the sorts of ideas I may have projected onto friendships.

I think you and I would make good friends. See you in a month for coffee lol..



I think part of opening up is that everyone’s your friend. Lol. It’s sounds strange but I’ve gone from being closed off and fearful to being fully open and without fear. So you end up with so many choices and ways to connect. It’s beautiful, but the other strange thing is, that abundance moves you into simplicity, so I’m always trying to keep my life simple, beautifully simple, low key, but engaged.

I’m lucky I have a best friend as my partner. That’s not something I’ve had before. So there is a void filled in ways that support you more holistically. Often we have friends who call, want to catch up, go out. We do it, but afterwards we both look at each other and say, “ok that’s done”. Lol. They are really good and lovely people, but I think we just enjoy simple things like sitting in the sunshine, drinking tea, reading a book, sitting with your animal companion. The rush and need in us is different to others..

My partners been a big social person, big drinker and party person. He’s quite content in that, that scene is done. I think in life you get many opportunity to realize yourself, alone and together. So each stage builds a greater understanding of you and your place in this world.

I’m in a stage of realising how to be connected to myself, in balance of me and others. Myself and life. Also too I’m only a novice when it comes to myself and the natural world. And that’s a great big world of discovery..