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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 31-03-2021, 03:38 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Family curse?

I woke up this night with the old remembered feeling of guilt.
In my first family someone I loved very much was an alcoholic, all of it's life felt guilt about not being able to save someone who got sick and died, someone else that was in the family.

I never suffered much at all that I can recall of that individual drinking, no mean eye.
It became too a problem that was kept from me, for most part, and when exposed to it did not put me in any danger. But I do remember feeling like I did not want to stay up but go to sleep and I did because I felt there was no real connection between me (sober) and this other individual (intoxicated and getting more and more so).


Later in life my first boyfriend was not an alcoholic when I met him and got involved. We were young when starting our adult life. Drinking and partying was part of it, as well as steady jobs and taking responsibility. He was starting to drink more and more after someone he had loved had passed away. He had fought so hard (hospital visits to the extreme, helping out in any way he could) and then when that person died anyways it was hard on him. It was the same story, as my other family member. The trigger of what started it.

We would talk about this person who had died, visit the grave, the family thought he was lucky to have me then in his life. It got to feel in some way as if it was my fault, I had failed to be a good as a support as I wanted to be and because I wasn't, his drinking got bad.

I feel as if the first time it happened I was a child and could not be blamed but could use it, pick up the valuable information and use it to then get my boyfriend into rehab, to save him. But when I wanted to save him, his first family, friends were against him going to rehab, told me it wasn't so bad. They were confusing me but I kept going back to me knowing he had to go. It wasn't a money problem. It was I think more that they were ashamed if he was to go to rehab. That was when I made the comment to his parent so you rather sacrifise your son? This person refused to help me on my terms (that is rehab). Later in life he would say this person still cared for me and welcomed me back. But at the time I felt miserably alone. i was afraid too he would dump me but I resonated that I could not let fear stand in my way, I had to fight for him, I had to be tough and I was.

When we were first starting to go out he would tell me he was very stubborn and I would say so am I and he didn't believe me, years later as an argument led to our final break up (his fault, or so I look at it) we could never sort it out. He would say he didn't remember. I thought he was not man enough to own up to his own words (him dumping me), and playing it casual.Or that he simply did not take it as bad as I did. I had no knowledge what so ever that what he was saying could very much have been true. He had done rehab on his own before, when we were a couple, taking vacation just for that, I was so nervous seeing in the bad shape he was in, wanting to call an ambulance, he didn't. Then came the period of him having anxiety, not wanting to be around people. Then he was fine again and sober and in control and I thought alright, this is in the past, now we move into the future, we were gonna be married, yada, yada.

After the break up he called me, drunk. That was when I knew he had relapsed.

I feel like such a failure. Like I came here to help out, to fix him and I didn't. It's like a curse of quilt and failure.

Last edited by asearcher : 31-03-2021 at 09:02 AM.
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Old 31-03-2021, 10:32 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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You can only help a person when they are willing to Accept it. it is up to them.
you can guide them but the choice is theirs,


Namaste
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  #3  
Old 02-04-2021, 06:13 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Native spirit
You can only help a person when they are willing to Accept it. it is up to them.
you can guide them but the choice is theirs,


Namaste
Thank you, Native Spirit.

(Same thing happened in the recent past life too, keeps coming back. I don't understand why.)

Last edited by asearcher : 02-04-2021 at 08:27 AM.
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Old 02-04-2021, 09:19 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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Maybe going to see a Past life regressionist would help. put everything in order for you



Namaste
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  #5  
Old 10-04-2021, 06:00 PM
Ziusudra Ziusudra is offline
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In most, relationships with family members are worse than with enemies. The best way to deal with it is to disconnect with dysfunctional family connections.
I had to for most of my life, except for the one that has been mooching off me and probably for the rest of his life. Yeah, really a bad karma with that one.
Family has been nothing but a headache, chores, and heartache for me.

My advice is to avoid the same dynamic that you had with your family in your future relationships.
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"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore". - Andre Gide
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Old 14-04-2021, 06:58 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Hi Ziusudra, thank you for your advice, I agree, sorry you gone through that with your family.
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