I'd like to ask another question

[Guff779]

I'm sorry I have to ask a quick question again.

My father says go to the Christmas party of the relatives and another one and he says I have to keep going to their events, so he has this ridiculous family pride when it's not recipricated.

I've been to every Christmas party from 2000-2019 (one of my uncles will not go to this one)

I've been to every birthday party of the cousins and small

I've been to their milestones

I've been to their events

I've been to their houses

And more

I have plans for Christmas day and I'm allowed to go somewhere else?

I doubt they will come to my party in march for something else i highly doubt it for success, I'll tell my sister that

My sister too does not tell the truth and lies when they ask and says why do I want to spend one month abroad

I'm not even allowed to go out?

Even before I had something else to do on weekend and all he can say he male excuses to a 32 year old.

Would you say they are both lacking huge respect and its not right for my father to control me when I'm allowed to go somewhere else?

Then he says I make excuses.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Guff779

Would you say they are both lacking huge respect and its not right for my father to control me when I'm allowed to go somewhere else?

Your father and the rest of your family can only control you if you allow it.

At some stage you have to acknowledge that you are participating in this process and enabling it to happen.

Do you want to avoid family conflict? Do you want to please your family so they will approve of you?

Perhaps the problem is not that your father and sister lack respect for you, but you do not respect yourself. Which makes it difficult to set boundaries.

Your family situation will never change until you change.

Peace

[Native spirit]

I would have to agree with that



Namaste

[Traveler]

Your profile says you're 29 years old. You are an adult. You are the boss of you. Not your dad. Don't go to the family get together, if you don't want to.

[Izz]

I understand you might be feeling some gaslighting and confusion, as it's easier said than done to just "walk away from it." Those with experience know better

You might be worried that your father and family would manipulate you with unnecessary guilt, and you are second guessing yourself

For the time being, as you are still struggling, try to find ways to emotionally disconnect from your father and family's actions - and figure out ways to make yourself happier, healthier during the holidays. Pursue those other plans that you need when necessary

[Guff779]

Thank you very much everyone for your replies.

He's not going to listen, he will not change.

I am 32, I stated 29, like I don't reveal my real name as to protect my identity.

I am an adult and need to live my own life, I feel I simply have go move out, he feels he can control and do anything and not listen and speak angry and he could be on top with every need catered.

I've done so much for him in the past, present and too much finical security, everything and being very nice.

Unfortunately enough has to be enough and I have to move.

[Traveler]

Originally Posted by Guff779

Unfortunately enough has to be enough and I have to move.

Your sanity, stress levels and self esteem are important. That should be enough. He's a grown up. He'll have to learn to take care of himself without you. You need to start putting your needs first. Make a New Years resolution that you start taking care of yourself and start looking for a new place. You can still help him if he needs it but you don't have to live with him.

Originally Posted by Guff779

I am an adult and need to live my own life, I feel I simply have go move out, he feels he can control and do anything and not listen and speak angry and he could be on top with every need catered.

Hello there.

It's upto you to decide based on what you feel more important in your life. Your dad is in One hand and the rest of your plans in your other hand. You can only take one. Your Dad or Your Dreams/Desires?!!!!

If I'm in this situation, I will surely choose Dad, because I know those dreams are not that much important more than to respect and take care someone who wants such or dependent. An year back, I was chasing dreams too. But when I seen it's real nature, interest on it dropped and started to become a Serving one. There is lot of Happiness one can both receive and give in this kind of "Making others wish fulfill". There is beauty in it more than the pleasure derived from any dreams/plans of their own in this world.

Think about it. But if you see your plans are more important than your dad's happiness, nothing wrong in it. It's upto you to decide and now is the right time.

Take care.