I'm sorry I can't take it with my father

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by dragoness_crysta

...After researching about getting old, and watching people's reactions after a certain age, I found out that when a person reaches his/her 60th year, the health problems start to be evident.

They become like spoiled kids that need attention...
A first step for YOU to be ok, is acknowledge the fact that your dad will not sit down to understand your point of view... he is turning into a child mentally after all...

Wow a great post! Welcome here!

[BigJohn]

I had a dog that would have puppies. At a certain age, she would whack the puppies. The puppies wanted to nurse and she wanted them to grow up and be on their own. Finally, the puppies, one by one, grew up and got on with their own lives.

Maybe....... you should politely move.

[Traveler]

Has he always been like this or is this newish behavior? The outbursts and lying could be dementia. He gets angry because he can't remember like he used to and he's taking it out on you and your sister. If he is in mental decline, recognize he is reacting to what is going on with him by taking it out on you so don't take it personally. He's not attacking you, it's the illness.

If he's always been like that, then call elder services and ask them for referrals for help. There are adult daycares out there that will get him out of your hair for a while and give him stimulation and something to do.

Remember, you can leave. You are not being forced to stay there with him. You don't have to continue to taking the abuse

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Traveler

Remember, you can leave. You are not being forced to stay there with him.
You don't have to continue to taking the abuse

But, if you can not financially...maybe the lesson is to learn to be clear, confident and strong...Ah novel idea,eh?
Look the dad in the eye and tell him,"Look, ..."
Fill in the blank. ( I can give you, the op, suggestions that are clear, not emotional.)
And be free of him and anyone else that bullies you, ever again!
Why? Because you overcame this particular issue of weakness.

(From my personal exp---I will never again in any lifetime have some domineering mother type, boss,
neighbor, friend in my vicinity.
Now, I have advanced to OTHER issues to overcome...oh the joy. Hahahah lol...but it's all growth.)

[Guff779]

Thank you very much again everyone.

Once again he complains and argues too much.

I just brought a new modern car which he complained so much about.

Again I threw everything in my room and now he wants me to get rid of very important letters, documents and files.

He can be proud, have pride, doesn't have to worry, have no problems, we have excellent track record.

24 months almost and same behaviour and he has got everything catered for and far beyond.

He's never going to stop after I've told him.

[Izz]

I'm sorry to hear about dealing with a narcissistic family member. Reminds me of a family member who tried to curse me for leaving droplets of water on the floor FROM CLEANING DISHES USED BY OTHERS IN THE HOUSEHOLD yet my sibling can leave floors wet without being cursed

Sending you love and support

I'm thinking if your dad really is a narcissist than his behavior has I'm guessing gotten worse with age, and narcissists tend to go worse.

One of my partner's parents is a narcissist, a big one (they can have different degrees of it), the explanation, background can be found in it's childhood. I suspect it was raised by a narcissist as well from what I have been told so this is something that goes generations back. There were early signs something was wrong.

I don't know your situation but what I can say about the narcissist I'm writing about is that it holds it partner close, in the shadows, and this has always been the case, so much so that I see it as if my partner has always been on the outside of this duo. I can imagine that if, when the partner is there no more that the parent will then put that energy into a child or someone else, and that could be a reason why you have not been so subjected to this before? This kind of behavior I mean? The other parent also hold distance to people, including own son, but that could be a protection skill. I remember while I was in a relationship with a man I was later told by a professional fit into the description of a psychopath that i was trying to protect other people the same way. Also I felt ashamed. Also I was afraid. On the outside, on the surface, I functioned "just fine", but I was numbed and not doing too good on the inside.

Narcissists also see their children as if they have to follow their rules even as adults and that they have every right if they feel like it to sabotage their adult lives.

My partner has the ability to sort that out, he will not let it effect him in that way. I have not thought of that so much before. I only felt vulnerable, alone and frustrated in their company as the narcissist began to target me and my partner did not do anything about it, "sleeping", "oblivious" or "shocked".

He has learned, somehow, somewhere in his life, to turn off. Nothing that comes out of the narcissist's mouth seem to effect him at all. it can be good words and bad words. He says he knows it is just empty words. He does not share his parent's view. He is detached in a strange way to me when ever the narcissistic parent is around and when I pointed that out he said he had not thought about it. He was so used to it. So he had not thought about telling me either.

I am not saying accept the verbal abuse, but one thing you could do is to get help how to turn yourself off - so he can't get any negative or positive supply from you. Then he will move on to someone else (sadly, this is because he needs the supply).

While me and my partner broke up for some time I got to hear that the narcissist had simply replaced me (that is picking on me for no reason) by starting to do that on someone else.

I am still learning on how to act, what tactics to use around a narcissist without giving away my dignity.

If you do not want to see someone to talk to about this than there are lots of material on this on the internet and on youtube.

I don't think I can ever transform and be as "cold" as my partner is, but there are different approaches one can make that still fit one's own personality.

[Guff779]

Thank you very much again asearcher for your suggestions!

You're welcome, I hope your situation improves soon :)

[lostsoul13]

I manifested a mother—- a father is like reincarnation… I couldn’t deal with both… I have memories from being adopted and spanking with adoption father…I didn’t do nothing wrong - these were just inserts… domineering behaviour rules me now and I sweep authority under the rug… could do without it.. I wish I could sweep reincarnations under the rug- it’s the only father I have left—- I don’t know either it’s good or bad- or relief… I am relieved…