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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #1  
Old 14-01-2022, 08:57 AM
Guff779 Guff779 is offline
Knower
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 114
 
What can I do her can you depicter behaviour?

What's her problem and what can I do here?

For the starting 7 years she didn't want to talk to me and speak back angrily in one word answer. From 2005-2012

Even after this she would react back to me angry and not talk well.

I asked her a few years ago to give images from the group whatsapp chat and she said why when everyone is entitled.


She's put me down a lot years and acts manipulative.


Every Saturday complain and complain. Wants her own way.

She says 'whatever' when I state I'm approaching women and she goes why going month america and im going to cause trouble.

The other day she acted like a dictator telling me and my father to clean up and do this and that as and when she wants to and she told me if I do not help she will tell uncles.

She twists things.*

She didn't listen ever for years when I said I got bullied.

Her wedding is £50k where she has to put half. My father has to pay for new kitchen for her and give possibly I could be wrong about £7k.

She has everything career, education, some income,* social, community, family.

She puts me down a lot and acts like she can boss around. I get visions of handcuffed and jail and she did threaten. I've been scared of her for 17 years.

I done nothing wrong, but my sister can twist things

My sister again put me down again saying I do nothing when I stated I did everything and so much for my dad way beyond her.

Also she doesn't want to listen to me, I am busy too and I also do so many things and earning.

So what if she has to go to the shop? So do I

I told her about their behaviour,very poor of her to dismiss

If I live in fear of her, how she treated years and combined with forum asking for suggestion for yrs

She puts me down so much so consistently

It's not only bullying, it's cruel behaviour from her, total cruelty, I've never seen, so selfish and can't

Unfortunately because my dad as to give so much money to her and she made that ridiculous choice, he blames me, I gave so much money to him, 2 years nearly paper round before and since June 2020 money to him everytime and do all chores

And we do all her piles of washing up 2020 and every evening she hogs the tv.

I think I need to leave, it's cruel and madness

I'm not supposed to have a life? Not suppose to work, earn a second income, go out, work possibly abroad, go abroad. She doesn't listen. Im also a very busy person.

Two peoples lives she could ruin and I feel she could certainly take away my life

She's stopping my life and stopping me from being very successful. I don't need her approval or permission but she things she can say anything and think I have no life.
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  #2  
Old 14-01-2022, 09:36 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,974
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The time has come for you to leave. live your own life


Namaste
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  #3  
Old 14-01-2022, 06:01 PM
iamthat iamthat is offline
Master
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Golden Bay, New Zealand
Posts: 2,585
 
Ah, Guff779, all your posts seem to have the same theme.

That theme is that you are the victim of your family, helpless in the face of their unreasonable demands, being bullied for no reason, always having to give but never receiving anything in return.

At some point you have to make a choice. You have to choose to stop being the victim. This may be difficult because it is the only role you seem to know.

As Native spirit says, the time has come for you to leave and lead your own life. You also need to do some serious introspection on your tendency to be the victim, so you don't leave home and then simply repeat this pattern with other people. Because as long as you are willing to be the victim then life will always provide people to victimise you.

It is entirely your choice if you could only see it.

Peace
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  #4  
Old 14-01-2022, 07:53 PM
Guff779 Guff779 is offline
Knower
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 114
 
Thank you very much to the both of you for your comments and suggestions.

I'll seek introspection and get professional if needed.
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  #5  
Old 14-01-2022, 09:35 PM
Traveler Traveler is offline
Guide
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 502
 
Eleanore Roosevelt, First Lady said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleanor_Roosevelt

I agree with Native and Iam, it is time for you to get your own place and put distance between your sister and father.
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  #6  
Old 15-01-2022, 09:00 AM
Guillaume Guillaume is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: May 2021
Location: Europe
Posts: 482
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Traveler
Eleanore Roosevelt, First Lady said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
This is easier said than done, and I'm not even sure that's the right approach.
Check narcissistic disorders.

I think I could get rid of my family by understanding the Dharma.
Life is not about ego and achievements. Life is not about us, individuals. No one cares about our individual life, except us.

What they express is their suffering. They are locked in their ego mind and habits.
You need a higher viewpoint, one need to let go (a lot), and move on. Most people can't do it, it requires a certain effort to break that cycle.
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  #7  
Old 15-01-2022, 05:53 PM
Guff779 Guff779 is offline
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 114
 
Thank you very much for your insights again.
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  #8  
Old 16-01-2022, 05:54 AM
Izz Izz is offline
Guide
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 507
 
Sounds like narcissistic abuse on her part and that is not acceptable. I could PM you an affirmation I use if you want

Also I suggest. At this point rather than asking why the narcissist is the way she is. Ask, what can you do to heal further and break away from narcissistic abuse
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  #9  
Old 18-01-2022, 12:28 PM
Ewwerrin Ewwerrin is offline
Master
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 1,053
 
Don't ask other people to be your Source of happiness. Life doesn't work that way.

That's like the idea of an eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind, haha.

You be happy and let other people decide for themselves if they want to be happy or not.

The only help, and the best help, and the only help, that you can offer another, is to simply lead by example and be happy yourself.

Don't ask the entire world to change before you decide to be happy. That will never happen and that will never make you happy, and thus that will never make anyone happy. Because your happiness does not come from the world. It comes from your own true alignment with your own True Self.

Hope that makes sense.
__________________
Sharing perspective.
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  #10  
Old 21-01-2022, 06:58 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 762
 
I agree with everyone who has written here :)

I have edited my answer because well, surprise, surprise I always or at least very often tend to write too much!

Do not tie up your finances with your dad - and for your sister to have free access, you have to find a way to get out of there.

My only fear is why you are still living with your dad is because your finances are already tied up, or if you are to make money - they somehow make it their interest to get hold of it somehow.

If I were you I would book an appointment with the bank, come clean with what ever the situation is, and tell them you want your own place and what they would recommend. Ask too for a plan to split up what ever it now may be that have your finances tied to your dad's or your sister's.

I mention the money part as I see it is a recurring theme that money gets mentioned in your threads.

Money is one of the superficial factors that narcissists use one way or the other as they see it as more of a status, as more important than normal people do, and if they can use it for something bad that only looks good on the surface- they will. It will also be a way for them to gain control over you.

I have seen someone be in financial dependence with a narcissist and believe me there is a price to pay for that. It is better to just go to the bank or to live under more poor circumstances than to suffer the cost, the emotional cost, the humiliation that comes with it if your own finances are tied to a narcissist's.

So I urge you to take control of your own finances and go to the bank. Never ever mix your own finances up with your dad's or your sister's. Protect yourself.

For a person your age you should really be more into creating your own life and I mean that with the best intention, and not let no dad and no sister drag you down.

You can do this! :)

Last edited by asearcher : 21-01-2022 at 12:11 PM.
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