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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #21  
Old 12-11-2020, 01:02 AM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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Okay, I think I understand a bit more. You need to cut your physic connection with your ex. You haven't done that.

No wonder your love is feeling turmoil.

This is not your fault. You are a very sensitive person and don't want to hurt anyone! You did not intentionally mean harm to either the ex or your current fiancÚ. So give yourself a hug. You deserve it! After everything you have gone through. What a forest of emotions!

First go here and compare these people with your situation. They are very similar:

https://www.psychic-experiences.com/...hp?story=10203

and here:

https://www.psychic-experiences.com/...hp?story=10192

Now you understand what you are going through, others have also gone through.

Go here to see how Amanda instructs how to cut your connection with your ex.

https://www.amandalinettemeder.com/b...rds-easy-steps

Once you are able to free yourself from your ex, turn around and don't look back. Ever.

Let me know if this works. Fingers crossed from this side.
__________________
Deb

If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

You know nothing, Jon Snow. Ygritte from Game of Thrones.
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  #22  
Old 12-11-2020, 08:18 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 879
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by linen53
Okay, I think I understand a bit more. You need to cut your physic connection with your ex. You haven't done that.

No wonder your love is feeling turmoil.

This is not your fault. You are a very sensitive person and don't want to hurt anyone! You did not intentionally mean harm to either the ex or your current fiancÚ. So give yourself a hug. You deserve it! After everything you have gone through. What a forest of emotions!

First go here and compare these people with your situation. They are very similar:

https://www.psychic-experiences.com/...hp?story=10203

and here:

https://www.psychic-experiences.com/...hp?story=10192

Now you understand what you are going through, others have also gone through.

Go here to see how Amanda instructs how to cut your connection with your ex.

https://www.amandalinettemeder.com/b...rds-easy-steps

Once you are able to free yourself from your ex, turn around and don't look back. Ever.

Let me know if this works. Fingers crossed from this side.
Wow, this is so amazing, thank you so very much :) I have not tried it yet but will do so during the weekend as I don't want to fail at it and have interuptions. I will say how it goes :)

I thought really long before that it was my mind doing this, old memory based, or that it was real but that I was crazy to have it and could not tell anyone. I would ask myself truthfully am I still in love with him? Is that why? This during my single state or even too when I was in a relationship. But I was not. My feelings had changed. But I was still in love with him and heartbroken right after the break up and some time after. After that something changed.

I thought too that with time passing by it would get weaker, this strange connection, but instead it stayed.

The only time I can remember it weaker, but still feeling him was when he was in a period where he suddenly began making lots of money and had a blown up proportion of himself, but empty inside, and I thought to myself this cocky but new happy style will only make him more empty as he goes along. I saw him like that one time too by accident and he looked just like I had felt before. One of the times I thought this is real, somehow? Another time he was almost gone but would return and that was during a new relationship, I think he was on his way or was in love with her but later they said they were just like buddies and broke up. Again friends were afraid he was still in love with me. During this time I felt he began to switch real fast between happy-go to deeply-unhappy and there were longer periods of deeply-unhappy and him still tr ying to be happy. but when he was focused on something he really liked this was disconnected and I think maybe that was one reason why he chose to stay too long focused, as an escape. I think it was an escape from his emotions but too he was pushing his brain too hard. I don't think it got the rest it needed.

it was so unreal to read the other people's stories, to think there are people out there that has gone through this when i have felt all alone with it for so long, I can't believe it (but I do :) sometimes it was like reading my own words. Totally spooky!!! But so great! Thank you.

I also read about getting rid of things. Can't help but think there was a difference there. He would keep stuff of me, photos etc.

He too told a friend "she doesn't trust me" and thought if he could just be my friend he would show me i could trust him and over time he hoped for more. so he did hope for more just like my luv thought. But that never made sense to me because he had been the one to break up. Maybe this was the guilt I felt?

Truth was that I did not take it too bad at all when he had turned down the idea to get a baby back then, as I knew he was only being practical about it and I did not doubt his love for me, I knew it was about the baby and when he thought it would be a good time to be a dad - he would let me know. I guess it was because from my view I had a stable income, I was not thinking of changing job, I was happy where I was, and I was in this - what it felt like anyhow - very safe relationship. I was not afraid to have a baby with him at the time. I thought he was the one. We were for life. But I absolutely did respect his wish to keep that til later. I did not even know he had thought he had made me insecure of his love for me afterwards when thinking about it. But still when I did get pregnant it was really like darn it, now he's gonna think i did not respect his wishes. (when I truly had) and I thought I had to get strong enough to have a grown up conversation to him about it and I have to have enough walls around me, mentally, in order to hear him say this is your fault, what were you thinking? you tricked me, I want you to have an abortion. All of that - I thought I had to consider hearing and I think too that was why I postponed telling him.trying to get stronger. It did not help when I learn he had started dating someone too while I was pregnant, don't know if that was the one last thing that did it for me - I fell out of love. Later said it was nothing that went on there, but too late, just wanting to make me feel jealous (had opposite effect). I guess because I am like you say very sensitive and having been hurt by him that even if he from other eyes, views, did not hurt me as deeply as he did, I still could not help it. I could not even think of going back to him.


I can't thank you enough for helping me this way and for understanding that true, I never meant any harm in either relationships. It really means a lot to me.


Last edited by asearcher : 12-11-2020 at 09:28 PM.
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  #23  
Old 13-11-2020, 12:35 AM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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I can read your sincerity like an open book in bold all CAPS print . It gushes out of you. You don't have a mean bone in your body.

I thought the other stories might help you understand yourself better and help solidify that this really was/is happening!

Lastly when you fell out of love with the ex, I believe you finally saw him for who he was and not what you thought he was.

Much love, Deb
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If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

You know nothing, Jon Snow. Ygritte from Game of Thrones.
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  #24  
Old 19-11-2020, 12:24 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Hi Linen53,
thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. I have followed the above and too been on you tube and seen videos on cords of attachment. Think that is where we went wrong somewhere after the break up.

I have done this step by step. I had to first see things from my view, why it was so strong for me. What the problem was. Because after all I am the only one I can change. The problem for me was I could never understand why someone would want to marry me but in the next minute call it off without me having done anything like cheating or called him a bad name or what ever. I was so up there one minute and the next he smashed me as if I was a bug. It was shocking to me. I did not know what to say. What to do. I got paralyzed. The entire play dead stress reaction. Then I got the run stress reaction.

I have tried to connect with him now and ask for answers to why this happened. I think I never understood it. And if I understood it then I would be able to forgive him for it. I never understood my own part either. So I asked to please be enlighten. Did not know if it was going to work. If he was really going to visit.

What came through (sorry, you got the long version here, I can already tell, ha ha) was that he communicated to me (if now him that is, I can't be positively sure about that) the following: He did not trust my Mum. He did not think I was strong enough to fight her. He wanted to get back at her for not fully approving of him. He thought if he deleted his family from our wedding I could delete mine, just like that. That that would make it fair game. That would make him less selfish. He did not want my Mum at our wedding. He did not think I could see her for who she was. He was envies of my Mum too. So in frustration as I was backing away from his plan he put me on the spot. He made it into who do you love the most? Who do you most want to spend your future with? me or your Mum. He said nothing of this with his mouth, but that was how he thought. And he was angry and hurt and felt rejected and doubted my love for him because he would in a blink of an eye chose me over his father. He was too envious because his real mother had died and he was the only one holding on to her memory. Him seeing my Mum at our wedding and him not being able to have his would place a hole in his heart. He was not at all sure that Mum would support our wedding. He would go as far as thinking she would not come. But I can't think that.

I asked if we had (or well he) had just been able to talk about this like civilized people I would have understood where you were coming from. But you too wanted to do me harm. You wanted to sabotage my relationship with my Mum. He said no, he wanted us to have a healthy relationship and he did not think we had that. He said he was aware of that and she was aware of that and they were rivalries and the only one not aware of this was I. "She wanted to keep you a child". He said it wouldn't perhaps be so much our wedding, but more her wedding. She would go think of this, think of that. He did not want nobody "In our businesses".

There was a moment, he reminded me, that he thought he was winning this - he thought I looked relieved.That I was going to go away with him and marry. That I would be happy.

He knew from first time he saw me and asking around about me that I was shy and did not want all eyes on me. He thought it was perfect. We get away. We marry. It's done. Without all those eyes. All those opinions.

He thought that were my light in my eyes, what I wanted, not what my mum or he or anyone else wanted. He said "I saw it in your eyes - you wanted this too. But then as usual you took it back. You took it back to please someone else. You took it because because you knew your Mum and you knew she was never going to forgive you". He did not think that was the right reason. We never spoke like that with our words, it is only know in this after-contact this came. In reality he had just been silence about my Mum.

He said he had felt my emotions during this "conversation" after when it actually happened and said "You were afraid. I made you afraid. She made you afraid." I think he meant in the life review?

He said he took longer to go to his heaven because he was not ready , it was not because someone else stopped him or he could not find his way, he said spirit came to talk to him and try to get him to come along. He said he wished he had gone sooner, but he just was not ready but he wasn't in pain or confused or anything like that. He just didn't want to go. (me thinking ok so it was you tickling my feet in the morning then...and the songs...and so on. But he said he was not healed then, he was healed now, he understood now. Still the song by beegees he played, the only love was a message from him when he had not yet reached his heaven but it was not to give me guilt. You didn't think you mattered and I wanted you to know you mattered more to me than anyone else, your love was tr uly real, mine was, not that he had regrets or no love for someone else. But he said I had lived in the wrong world thinking he had done what he did to me because he did not love me. That he was sick in the head and ready to hurt me some more.

He said what he had said in life that we were the same. I ask if his twin flame was not his last girlfriend, they look and sort of acted the same way but he said no, said they were soulmates, but they were alike on the surface, we had a different kind of likeness, we did not look alike, we did not seemingly act alike but we were alike underneith. He said my way of refusing to talk to him about what had happened, because the hurt, pride? was there was just like he always was, this why people would say that of him "sulking". "In what way are we not alike, you say?", he said.

He too amazingly enough made me realize something I have realized actually way before. He was the one to take my virginity (sorry one should not talk of these things) and when he talked it was out of this world I thought it was only because we were in love and he said you know what it is, dont you? it is when one is so connected, spiritually and physically, so beautiful, so no wonder he thought I were never into less stuff, but he said because he had been with others before me he knew there was a difference to it and the difference was because of our spiritual connection then and there in the relationship, but because he was my first I did not know. He said the worlds melted together. And that is "out of this world". He said you know why you are not like some of your friends who did, do nightstands, you know this - follow your heart. Then he bowed in a sort of honored way, old fashioned, like on stage, and I smiled inside, he was so silly.

He said too in life after the parting he wanted us to sort it out, to have a new beginning, and part of him trying to do that was to pretend it wasn't so bad as it was, and the times he was emotional and trying to talk to me I was cold and hostile and not speaking.

He was a total yerk, forbidding and strict boss attitude sort like afterwards I remember but it was because he felt superior to me, that I had done him wrong, which I found terribly humiliating when I was still vulnerable and so I did not want to speak or see him no more. That attitude was like kicking me when I was already on the floor. He was in defense of himself. He had done nothing wrong. He was the one who got us engaged, not me, he was the one who had the plan on how to get married, not me, he was the one who wanted to hurry it up, not me. He feared he was coming out of this as the bad guy and that I would tell my mum and others that he had cancelled the wedding, this why too he would tell a friend that I was impossible. He said I knew he had a trouble with this that he was ****ed off with people and would not talk to them for days or weeks after a fight, just glare at most, if not ignoring that person totally, making them like me feel like a bugg, smashed, but he thought he was a better man because he did not shut me out, he did talk to me, he did call, he did show up, that he was a yerk in his attitude was a much improvement to him not talking, he thought.

But what ever he did I just kept coming further and further away from him. It really was as if he was in denial about him breaking up with me, that it was just words caught in a storm, and he blamed us both, and he couldn't bare loosing me when reality sunk in and so he did not know what to do.

He did not in life blame this actual argument of the wedding as the cause as I did to him loosing me. (And here I thought that was cristal clear. When you break an engagement there is no turning back, there is nothing left. That is like saying one has no hope. Of course its over. A 2 year old gets that)

He thought when looking back and felt remorse about it that it had been some other stuff that had happened before that had made me insecure about him, such the case of me wishing to start a family before he did. So what ever he thought he had done wrong was strangely not about him cancelling the wedding and being a yerk afterwards, it was before that, that he thought that was the start of me getting the wrong idea about him, about us, and if he could have changed anything it would have to go back to that period and just said yes to it, and believe that everything else would work out. He said I was "all emotion" and he had that little part of him holding on to practical matters and wanting to do success first and family later. But he was close to just wanting to give in. I said I have always understood and respected he wanted to wait and to wait to be a dad I did not see as a sign of him not wanting to be in our relationship as much as I did. To me it was 2 different things, but he had mixed those two up. He said I had look a little vulnerable then and said Ok or something like it and then we hadn't talked about it, but from his look at me I had been almost a little hurt or confused about it, but then just acting as if it was fine so he thought it was fine, but he could tell there was a vulnerability. I remember it as if he had talked to me what names he wanted our future children to have if it was a boy or a girl, and because he did it not as a joke, but by free will and seriously, and explaining why he thought what he thought of the names, it just came natural for me to ask him if he wanted to start a family now, I was all for it. But the way he talked he was like no, I mean 10 years from now or so, or maybe sooner, I don't know. I just remember I said OK, you let me know when you're ready. I did not know myself if we would be able to have kids. I just left it at that. But from his view he thought this was when I withdrew a little bit. That it gave me the wrong idea about him, about us.

He didn't know about the baby. What had happened. And so he understood and had he known he would have been more sensitive and understood why I had changed so much so soon, and why he was out. because pregnancies do that to a woman, puts them in a bubble, he said. It is the way it should be. He said "I would have understood your concern" and that hit a core because that was all I was trying to do. Protect. He was like "For you to protect my child...", as if that was a beautiful sign of love and best gift I could have given him, then he felt loved, known I had treasured the love we once had. At this point it got emotional and it was close to breaking. The last I tried to say was "I have to let you go free".

After that I have worked on finishing things up. It feels different. I can't really put words to it. I send him off with love. The door closed on it's own but not in an angry way, just slowly, in peace, sort off. All I have left now is a feeling of a tenderness and a fare well, and it feels unfamiliar but right.

Last edited by asearcher : 19-11-2020 at 03:45 PM.
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  #25  
Old 19-11-2020, 03:48 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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What an painful, beautiful, experience. I really don't have words. You are such a beautiful person. I hope you know that.

You did it! You did it the way it should be done. I'm sure you feel the weight of the whole relationship and situation is now gone. You are free.
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If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

You know nothing, Jon Snow. Ygritte from Game of Thrones.
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  #26  
Old 28-11-2020, 05:54 AM
SpiritofZoe SpiritofZoe is offline
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I would have to agree, he seems really immature. In cognitive ego state all the time.
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  #27  
Old 28-11-2020, 10:58 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 879
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by linen53
What an painful, beautiful, experience. I really don't have words. You are such a beautiful person. I hope you know that.

You did it! You did it the way it should be done. I'm sure you feel the weight of the whole relationship and situation is now gone. You are free.
Thank you so much for thinking that, don't know if I really deserve it, though, ha ha. The same to you. Please take good care!
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  #28  
Old 28-11-2020, 11:00 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 879
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiritofZoe
I would have to agree, he seems really immature. In cognitive ego state all the time.
Yes I think he was still more of a boy than a man when we were involved and well use to having things the way he wanted them but hei we're all here to learn and grow in various aspects
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  #29  
Old 29-11-2020, 04:00 AM
Ewwerrin Ewwerrin is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 636
 
There is no right way of fighting for me.
It's all a big waste of time.
Love is not limitted to a condition and never will be. It is eternally ever expanding.
Can you keep up with your own love?
That is the only real question that matters to me.
Because it is this love that you have within yourself, that is who and what you always already are being and becoming the evermoreness of it.
The less you try to chase it, the more you allow it.
Love cannot be gotten by active doing. It does nothing and leaves nothing undone.
Allow. Allow. Allow.
And all that exists, expands forever, in absolute perfect harmony with all that exists. For you, with you, as you, through you, by you, etc.
As all is one and one is all.
Peace is the simplest of value.
Love is the greater allowed realisation of all being and becoming, unconditionally, and energy motionally, in the greatest allowed realisation of you and You. As all that exists.
Namaste.
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Sharing my perspective and enjoying your sharing and our co-creating.
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  #30  
Old 29-11-2020, 04:38 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 879
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ewwerrin
There is no right way of fighting for me.
It's all a big waste of time.
Love is not limitted to a condition and never will be. It is eternally ever expanding.
Can you keep up with your own love?
That is the only real question that matters to me.
Because it is this love that you have within yourself, that is who and what you always already are being and becoming the evermoreness of it.
The less you try to chase it, the more you allow it.
Love cannot be gotten by active doing. It does nothing and leaves nothing undone.
Allow. Allow. Allow.
And all that exists, expands forever, in absolute perfect harmony with all that exists. For you, with you, as you, through you, by you, etc.
As all is one and one is all.
Peace is the simplest of value.
Love is the greater allowed realisation of all being and becoming, unconditionally, and energy motionally, in the greatest allowed realisation of you and You. As all that exists.
Namaste.
Wise words, thank you
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