Trouble understanding people’s emotions (there’s a “mean” person in my environment)

[CosmicWonder]

Hii all,

I know this girl that because of circumstances I can’t take distance from. She lives with me in a setting. We’re both autistic and both having our issues.

Now there are lots of interactions in such a group. One of which is her responding to things in frustrated ways. She seems irritated by some.

Another is me always giving space and making jokes. I might seem pretty insecure and pretty strong at the same time. Depends on perspective.

I often make compliments. Also to her. However all too often with people in general it gives me this sense of rejection. Because they either can’t take the compliment or in her case say something mean back. Like me:“oh you did that great” her: “yeah duhuh”. She isn’t particularly mean in an intense way. But it’s these moments and this vibe she gives away.

I analyze and memorize more the energy of people than the actual thing happened. So her energy would be mostly sour, 1/10 sweet, 3/10 bitter. Or something like that. And she would feel like she wants something else. And like how I am and the situation is in her life in general, isn’t pleasing her. She feels like she has a little pride with it. Like “I’m better than this this isn’t what I deserve”. Or “I am much better than like everything out here”.

I wouldn’t say she is a mean person. A while back we had such a safe and comfortable conversation about life. I had manifested some quality time with her. And it worked out very well. An hour we had talked. About our youth, her background, mostly her life. I sometimes told her a memory.

While I’m writing this I’m getting a grip on what I do understand. But I don’t understand and feel confused by why she just won’t get in that safe spot anymore. I’m trustworthy. She just shouldn’t scare me with her direct and compensating attitude (okay maybe that sounds mean too, but it is what I get. I compensate too, in a way.)

What I would like is her just being safe and feeling secure with me. And not constantly having to defend herself or feel the need to reject me.

What can I do better? Any advices? Thoughts? Reflections?

Much kindness,

Cosmic Wonder

(PS: I normally don’t post about people, and dislike it too. Hope this won’t backfire)

[CosmicWonder]

Am planning to talk to her later on

[CosmicWonder]

I talked to her. And understand everything much much better now. It was very difficult, but worth it

Hi CosmicWonder!

You work fast =) Glad you two got it sorted out.

I would only wish to add that her not being able to accept a compliment without a touch of irony as to when answering you is down to her, not you. It is the self view one has of one self, true or false or somewhere in the middle that is how you accept compliments.

Take care!

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks asearcher! That might be something I still need to learn

[CosmicWonder]

Okay so this oversharing works great it seems.

So right now the situation had come to a better state, I feel safe with her. She feels like she’s truly a part of me. I feel like I have this big balloon when I talk to her, filled with safety. And she steps into that circle. Like I hold her, with protective intention. And also there is a part of my heart opened up to her. I’ve never felt this way in my life. It isn’t what I understand as falling in love, so that isn’t it. It is more about truly holding a safe space around her when I talk to her.

Not sure what to name it, as I’ve never experienced it. It feels loving.

[CosmicWonder]

What I understand now is that I’m being protective

sound like it is the start of a beautiful friendship between you two =)

[lostsoul13]

Maybe you need more time to settle your energy down? Having put loads of effort in might be a good issue...maybe need time to settle?

[CosmicWonder]

What do you mean lostsoul? Can you explain what you mean by settling down energy?

And thanks asearcher :)