I feel normal again - my Twin detached

[~Lioness~]

Originally Posted by MadalinaDiana

A twin that got away makes you replace them before leaving.

What does this mean? Find someone that makes you feel better than they do? How do you know if you have replaced them... and replace them before who leaves?

Just wondering.

[Green.Heals]

Originally Posted by MadalinaDiana

A twin that got away makes you replace them before leaving.

I was thinking perhaps he is just a false twin.

If I go up there, than my dream goal will be hindered. It is back to where I came, in all ways.

He & I both have a lot of inner work to do. If I go up, maybe we come together, & than there will be true heartache worse than what I just went through...

Someone said if the Universe had your back, & the path was cleared for you, & so you could do anything, what would that be...all the things. If he was a true twin, than maybe I'd draw him to me as he was ready, to what I build for myself, & even if he is a true twin, it could still be platonic friendship, or help in the 5D, & maybe there is something more.

The energy of the other man has no baggage, has healed, knows what they want, with the same drive in life. Nothing wrong with that, I just feel like, I feel sad for him ( I know he has drive) , and I want him to do well, he doesn't think he is deserving, & he is, just like me! I feel sad to leave him. & I still long for him. & maybe I could just let it go after a time.

[dianamadalina]

Gas station, kitchen,salon,door,street,door,samara morgan,remake of a tape, bunny,tymothy.
10 NDE fear that I am down the rabit hole.

[Green.Heals]

Originally Posted by MadalinaDiana

Gas station, kitchen,salon,door,street,door,samara morgan,remake of a tape, bunny,tymothy.
10 NDE fear that I am down the rabit hole.

FEARMONGERING!! RABBIT HOLES!

[dianamadalina]

Deep dark web reminds me of a car still runing . Cupidon and Psyche,lovely statue .2"nd twin flame took mask down and told herself about being good looking.

[Green.Heals]

Originally Posted by dianamadalina

Deep dark web reminds me of a car still runing . Cupidon and Psyche,lovely statue .2"nd twin flame took mask down and told herself about being good looking.

Even though I have a slight difficult time understanding you, I always do.

Yes, it comes and goes. I have the ugly duckling feature. I have a hard time with self care, I am told it is because at my core I do not feel deserving. It is not such an easy thing to tell someone they are enough, they must feel it deep within, and that takes work. & experiences. When I do not take care of myself, I do not look so attractive, but also, I am trying to be all of me, and not be afraid of anothers reaction. I still have a lot of fears.

The other energy that was coming in, also actually seems like him..grown, but I don't know. & I have been addicted to watching them, but they are fading from my feed, which is a good thing, as I am told that this path I am walking on, it is a wish fulfillment, so I am seeking the funds I need, and there are so many road blocks, & I cry, but I keep going.

________________


to whomever was following my journey a few months ago, this is the update.

Aside from the above, I could not take the leaps of faith God/Source/Universe wanted of me, & I was told there would be reconciliation/rebirth, I comforted myself in the readings online & it just caused the heartache to stay.

Ironically, his Higher Self came in full force in my surroundings. I had just found out his HS is my guide, & I asked him to leave a couple of weeks ago out of fears, & heartache, & now he is gone. I have asked for him to come back & told him what it was I needed of him to stop. If I'd just asked.



His Higher Self was answering me, telepathically, & I was being channeled, songs, a dream, our heart chakra's opened one night I could feel it, I wept for a couple of days straight, I felt the vibration & opening, touching me, he could smell me, he watched me, he would flick the lights in the physical to let me know. He even came literally crashing into my bedroom one night when I was terrified of something happening & I called out to him & his spirit self showed up in my readings too, (so it is almost like dealing with two different people, the relationship you have with their higher self is completely different than that of his actual self) & I was picking up on his 3d emotions again, just not as strong as before, such as the "waves" I was feelings. Cravings, addictions, tiredness, thoughts & notions on wanting to improve parts of his life, things like that, I had a HUGE block in all of June, & I found out that he & she broke up (his karmic) & that he is ascending, or awakening but um. He is still in the back of my mind on the daily, and it hurts a lot.


I just did not think it was healthy to hold on, you know. Not in this way. as I could not do the work I needed for me.

I've been doing EFT (emotional freedom technique) with a therapist & we processed this event earlier in the year, & the feelings are still super strong. I was afraid to share it with her, but she has been really amazing.

I wanted to heal it to try to move forward. To not be in heartache.

The reason I was attracting both men & women from afar, was not pheromones, it was the Kundalini. It was activated through both of us. It was quite phenomenal. The Kundalini opening is to bring the union together, so that you can find one another, it literally strengthens the "invisible call" to one another through the soul.

I also understand that it is the soul's deep longing for one another.

I think I've self sabo'd in this 5d & 3d relationship it is just all a loss, sadly.

It has been such an upsetting journey. & I am still walking my path. I have finally started looking for funding in my project.


I was also told that he & I would come back into union in these last few months, & I was also told that I could only do so if I healed my codependency in finding funds. & carrying on in my life.

Than I was told the cycle ended & that I am being rerouted.

When I asked his higher self to leave, he answered me in readings, as being quite upset. He was upset, as he said that we'd promised to come into union here in the physical, but I don't know why or how, when I am someone that deals with mental health disorders, why would the Universe or he & my higher self soul choose this for me? Because due to it, I damaged our connection. So I am working to forgive myself to let go of it. As I type this, I cry. I know that is not seen as a TF but it is mine to walk alone in. I guess.

I asked the Universe through tears one day, why I was chosen for this, can they not see I am not strong enough? Take a look at my past, & I have worked hard on this project, & I still will, as mentioned I am going after funding but I am alone as I was not able to get people to come onto my board. & although I am told repeatedly I am gifted with strength, compassion, and a big heart, I just feel alone. Apparently, too, I am heavily protected in this endeavor by spirit & Angels.

A lot of the readings have come through in the physical, so I am going to stop doubting that I will get the funds, I have a lot of idea's where I can find them, and I hope to make connections so they may come easier. I need to get back into meditating as things started coming to me easier, as I was present & grounded as my therapist states.


I have been working on all of the layers of me from past traumas, and in childhood, & working on the past patterns to heal in my present so that I do not keep recreating those same mistakes. I have a lot of fears still, as I am afraid to be vulnerable, as I have been through a lot of hardships.

When things started clicking for me, his energies showed he was on his way to me. But with June, it was a wash. Right now I am finally coming to terms that he is gone to me in this life time. & that I must forgive myself, & self care.

What I don't understand is why every reading still shows him in it, possibly it is because I have yet to let it go? Even when I think I've let it go, something triggers it, & a flood of tears begin. Spirit in June kept asking me what it is I wanted, as I was so blocked, & I wanted for myself to be in a healthier state, and I wanted long term stability, & I wanted to be successful in all ways, & to be able to share it with a loving someone, hopefully him. I do want all of it, but that my fears are strong even though not always real & with the adhd & bpd, it has been hard to not be extreme in the thoughts.

[~Lioness~]

As for the letting go, if you still cry when triggered by something then you still carry unhealed parts. Try to let go of fears/fear.

[SaellekStar]

I've tried to block my Twin as well...the connection can never be broken and it will come back. If it doesn't, it's not your Twin. That separation is for you both to grow and heal.

[Green.Heals]

Updating once more. (Last Time)

I reached out when I should not have in August, because I thought it would never happen. & he responded in a not so nice manner. but that quickly 180'd, and we talked but it was fleeting, and he still never shared his feelings. I also know that he was seeing someone at the time, as I knew it in the readings.

Than in September, I started to become channeled by his higher self again, once to twice a week, songs. Which have happened often throughout the year, I sing them upon waking up. Songs I don't even know all the words to, yet upon waking, I do. Because well it is spirit singing through me. Songs like, Miss you by Aaliyah and I wanna love you by Akon, things like that, Oh, and a money mantra meditation that I had been doing before sleep.

& btw these songs, I wasn't listening to, to begin with.

I was still not consistent in my self care. Though spirit kept pushing me to be consistent. I even used charts above my bed to try to keep track in my consistency.

At times I was full fledged in my panic anxiety and he seemed to see past it, or just idk. He would tell me to send him a smile.

& than he stopped messaging. Yet, I felt him either longing for me, or deep love for me. About 1.5 weeks later, in late September, I started to watch some of the reads again, because I was trying to ween myself off. Spirit also sends other titles of vids into my feed. & other things. Anyhow this only the first year, first time this has really ever happened.

& in late Sept, the reads began saying things like he's chosen you, he's coming in, all this time you didn't quite believe it bla blah...the next day I felt him longing for me. & something else I am not allowed to say on a family forum. Than the next day his tears. Than 2 days after his depression, which I pushed through. & I saw a read that said it was over forever, and I freaked out & believed it & all the energy readings were amuck. & I reached out to him in despair. & I wish I'd just deleted the # as he'd stopped chatting with me. I fell into depression for 2 weeks, and again stopped working on my project the application for charity status - that was another thing those reads said the week before that because I am on my lifes path, he was coming back in.

Stopped the self care routine. & when I slowly began coming out of it, he than popped into my thoughts freaking out of nowhere, I was beginning to rake the neighbors lawn/yard work...he wasn't even on my mind. & than in the afternoon later pm, happened again for awhile, and than for 5+ days straight other again constant.

& by this time, the energies had come back to him coming back in, and I was pretty done. For the last 2 months I had been seriously considering getting all cords/attachments dissolved. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I know people say if they're your true divine counter part than cutting cords would not matter...anyways, the two weeks before when Id freaked out that he was gone, I asked to energy workers, one said, yes he's gone, he's moved on, and the other said, I was given the go ahead to do a cleansing ceremony of your cords.

Now into the 3rd week, out of the depression, felt him strongly for those 5 days, and the last day, the cords were cut. I freaked, and had them reformed. Told the healthy ones only. & than told by this healer to move on.

Ironically that afternoon, my twin messaged me, asking me what I was doing. Unfortunately I reacted on impulse in a negative way as I thought his question was a reaction to my statements I'd left the days before. & that I'd unfollowed him. It gave me anxiety & I did not know how to answer. At this time, I'd only just begun again the self care routine. This was last week.

The energies were still not showing up in a form to confirm our interactions. Sounds weird, but any time I'd feel him, or he & I would have some odd convo, or his higher self was flicking the lights when I'd ask a question or what have you, I'd see a reading that would confirm what was going on. But in the month of October they were ALLL OVER THE PLACE. & I guess it was meant to be, as I'd become unhealthly obsessive with the reads. & they were now tripping me up and creating terrible panic anxiety within.

I kept putting myself down to him and told him truthfully what was coming up for me, &&&& I shared something way out there, on all the things spirit had shown me in which I knew about him, but shouldn't have. You see I did this one other time in August, and he thought this to be uncanny.

So I did not think it was too terrible to share, although I figured he was gone.

I just wish I would have been able to self care and have belief in myself this year, & be consistent and not have watched the energies, and just taken care of myself, and NEVER reached out to him, as he was to be the one to do so.

& he came back to tell me to move on, just 5 days later. & that he & I are way too different in that I don't self care enough. Ironically he said this.

Of course I came by a read that stated he had divine wisdom flow through him. He'd gone back to her for marriage. & now all the reads state I missed the love of a life time, and without him I cannot do my project. Which is my life's path. so now I feel like spirit has pulled away, and like the amazing blessings that were happening are falling away too. & I feel terrible. & he's detached.

& 3 mornings ago, I awoke to a vision of his higher self in agony and felt the heart break.

My soul also knew the day that he had told me to go, before I knew as I'd been crying that day out of the blue for no reason.

Spirit is now telling me to let go of him. To release this. To move on.

In a way I have actually stopped doing the project anyways, as well by the time I submit my application for charity status I have 6 months to wait to see if it even happens, and to try to look for funding..which I cannot do without a tax # (registration # ) hence why he was coming back in when he was. & he was to help out greatly with the project, and reduce the funding I would need for it.

Now, I don't really know to keep going forward or not. I don't have anything else. & this project was to help my mental health to heal, and to help others heal. so I don't know now.

I think all this happened to bring us into union for this life time. but I couldn't do the work because I don't feel well because I haven't released my past, I had started doing so earlier this year, but fell away from it when it got painful. I found out that he did the work, and his energies were I guess higher than mine, yet at the same time he has just come into his emperor energies.

So. I lost him. I wanted the home, and the babies.The commitment. The Family. The work. That won't happen now.

I don't date and I don't typically get into relationships. I wondered why spirit thought I could handle any of this.

I really wish I'd not reached out, because I really wanted to hear his apology and truth, and have the healing. I reached out because I felt spirit wanted me to, and to tell him I forgave him, when I didn't quite yet.

Now, time to try to heal & release with help again, but not an healer, because those haven't worked out. Plus spirit tells me that if I self care, & work on healing my past that there will be an accelerated healing, plus I really need support and to manifest money by myself now again for my project, as it will be an income.

Spirit told me that coming into union with him was to unlock a lot of good luck for us. I know we still would have had hardships, and one may say, well, if it did not happen it wasn't meant to be, but I believe otherwise because all year he would coming up in every read. I did have 2 powerful messages come up at the beginning of October divulge on reconciliation but I did not believe them.

3 other times this year I had healed some of this heart break with him, so it is not so painful, but still if I give it too much thought, it is. SO I wonder, I know not good to suppress but also not good to linger. & with the type of adhd I have, I re run thoughts all too often, and it hurts.

I know the best thing is to move forward, keep being stable, and work on the self care. Hoping spirit has not left.

[Mused]

i miss you by Aaliyah is a beautiful song!!