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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #1  
Old 21-07-2021, 12:27 PM
Honza Honza is offline
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How can I heal my deep self rejection?

I have a deep sense of self rejection. Any advice on how I can heal it? Many thanks.
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Old 21-07-2021, 01:45 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honza
I have a deep sense of self rejection. Any advice on how I can heal it? Many thanks.
What exactly are you rejecting, is it really yourself or is it just a self-image? What does self-rejection look like in practice, how does it manifest from moment to moment?
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'Our feelings are safe, no matter how intense they are. It is our tensing-up around our human feelings, our rejection and refusal of them, our unconscious efforts to destroy and annihilate and purify them inside of us, our shaming of our vulnerable inner life and the smothering of the inner child, which causes so much pain and suffering - not the feelings themselves.' - Jeff Foster
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  #3  
Old 21-07-2021, 07:48 PM
iamthat iamthat is offline
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Can you trace your deep sense of self-rejection back to any specific events when you were growing up?

For example, did your parents or teachers make comments which made you feel that you were unworthy, bad, stupid, or simply not good enough?

Or were there family issues where you internalised whatever was going on and decided that you were somehow to blame because you were a bad person?

These are just two typical examples where someone might grow up feeling unworthy and self-rejecting. The result is a lot of suppressed pain and grief.

We heal ourselves by going back into these events and bringing our sub-conscious feelings to the surface. It may not be easy, as we tend to resist experiencing our painful feelings, which is why we suppressed them in the first place.

Peace
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Old 21-07-2021, 08:58 PM
misterdude misterdude is offline
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Oh yeah. I recently became aware that I let that same feeling create (and thus I created it) a huge (understatement) divide between me and the rest of the world. Now that I have realized that, I'm filling the gap.

Tracing the cause is important as it will help you find the motivation to close the gap. The two typical examples above are indeed a general start, but bear in mind that in the end, you are the one who have accepted that, and made it your reality (unworthiness, while others deserve the best).

Cheers !
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Old 21-07-2021, 10:42 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Originally Posted by iamthat
Can you trace your deep sense of self-rejection back to any specific events when you were growing up?
For example, did your parents or teachers make comments which made you feel that you were unworthy, bad, stupid, or simply not good enough?.....
This for sure!!! ^^^^
These things are inner child (childhood) traumas and these do not go away with affirmations as the impact is too great.
So do inner child work (Google and see if you can find something that works for you, there's also books on inner child work & healing).

What you can also do is start working with a mirror. Really look at yourself in the mirror (face) and look yourself in the eyes. Start saying something that you really like. Your hair, or your eyes, or your teeth, or all of these. If difficult, maybe just a freckle.
Keep doing this, EVERY time you look in the mirror and make sure you do that a lot!
Build it up from there... I'm a nice/caring/good/positive/strong/resilient/.../... (choose what applies most, or all) person... the slowly move to "I like myself!" to "I like you!" and build that up until you can look into your eyes and say "I love you!"

And again, do that a helluva lot!!
But don't forget the underlying childhood issue(s) as that won't easily go away and will otherwise keep surfacing.

Last edited by Miss Hepburn : 21-07-2021 at 11:38 PM. Reason: Admin has asked 2-3 sentences when quoting others
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Old 22-07-2021, 03:00 AM
Honza Honza is offline
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Thanks everybody. I will certainly check out books on inner child healing....
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Old 25-07-2021, 10:49 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Honza, much love and light to you as you work on healing your heart centre. I think FC's suggestion is spot on, is needed to heal deeply, and really is something nearly all of us should be doing. I feel ya, mate. It's been a rough couple of years for us Gaians. If you feel what needs healing may even go beyond the trauma of this lifetime, realize that past life trauma is also contained in your heart centre. And is often tied to your history with others in this lifetime. The same inner child healing will help to deal with all of it.

I have been working through some heart centre healing myself. Long guided meditations that involve vision quests that are personal and specific to the individual soul or souls.

I had grief that I needed to bring to the surface and it was causing numbness and pain in the heart centre. What I have realised (you forget) is that you need to talk about it and you need a non-judgmental listener. It may be that is a guide or guides. If you can share with others you trust, that's the ultimate. But if it hurts them or puts them in a place of judgment, then you may have to turn to the guides.

I came to a place where I needed to say, I am having trust issues with myself...I opened my heart and it (I) was damaged or broken. Perhaps from parents, from other life experiences, from past life experiences, etc. And I needed to speak that and be heard and acknowledged without causing others pain or anger toward me. Because then you can allow yourself to feel your feelings, without fear of immanent harm or injury, by speaking to your heart center and expressing love, acceptance, and forgiveness, while asking for the same in return from your heart centre.

I could also stand to do some inner child healing, where I ask my younger self to speak her feelings and truths. I have done this with my other selves too, and it was very healing. I think loving the self is a lifelong journey, and it's especially hard when our mainstream culture is so amoral and utilitarian, so transactional. This approach toward everything, including personal relationships, does not inspire trust. To put in mildly. And trust in ourselves is what we need most. So, we have to value and love ourselves simply for who we are...because society doesn't do much to reinforce this spiritual truth...that we are love(d) and we are worthy simply as and for who we are.

I get that it is a tough issue. Many of us have faith that all is to the good over the span of eternity, and that the tapestry is always complete from God's perspective. But it's ourselves that we may need to learn to love, or to trust...nothing on God or Spirit.

Thank you for raising this issue. Very timely, IMO.

Peace & blessings
7L
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  #8  
Old 27-07-2021, 05:11 PM
lemex lemex is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honza
I have a deep sense of self rejection. Any advice on how I can heal it?
First realize this is more common an experience and others have the same experience. I agree it is true the present is past based and we hold on the past as it were the present. It even seems so much of what is going on in the world today is out of our past. We hear this a lot these days don't we, the past. Not only on an individual level but group level as well. The past is affecting. A very important experience of cause (past) and effect (present). Past and present effect are the same. It is important to see how we treat each other is important and carries forward and this is a lesson to see. All experiences are ripples that involve learning (lessons). This is a lesson to. But in reflection realize the past isn't real it is not (the) reality, the present is the now and is not the present attached to past. It remains a false perception that is not true. One cannot change the past and recognize the present is the true now. The past was once a now but not now. One realizes it is a choice.

Last edited by lemex : 27-07-2021 at 07:44 PM.
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  #9  
Old Yesterday, 04:55 PM
zorkchop zorkchop is offline
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If I can offer a humble overview of this topic … I consider this topic to be *much* more important to everyone on this planet … and elsewhere … to let the thread stop here.

Inasmuch as we each are anything … soul … ego … mind … emotions … physical body … consciousness … we are creatures of habit … we are centered, based, compelled, and controlled … by the familiar … most often brought along as part of our so-called baggage from more past lives than many care to consider that we have undergone through the eons.

The experiences that we set in motion from the beliefs we hold today can happen so many lifetimes ago that we have little chance to uncover the root cause of many of our habitual patterns and viewpoints. With each incarnation … from birth on … we perceive by the foundational understandings of these facets … and these patterns then adapt to the current set of circumstances and lifestyle we will develop to use during this incarnation … changing a bit here … tweaking a bit there … but always compelled by the seedbed belief. More often than we wish to believe … even in infancy … the carry-over experiences and beliefs dictate much of our lives. Current situations will spark memory of old patterns and we are right back in it again.

This is about as common as the human animal having to breathe air to exist.

The mind and emotions have been so designed that their prime use is to learn from personal experience what to do … and what not to do … the latter being the more intense … for we always wish to avoid what will bring us pain, grief, or displeasure in any way. All of morality and virtue is built on this. Certain actions bring such-and-such effects … many of which we wish to avoid.

There is only a hairsbreadth of difference between thoughts of “Don’t do this because it’s gonna cause this pain … “ or “I’ll get myself into trouble if I do that again … “ to thoughts of “I can’t do anything right … “ or “I must be really awful if I can’t make any good choices … ” or “I am no good … “ etc. The variations of all of this are endless. We all face self-rejection to one degree or another … some quite strongly … others run rather mediocre to it all … but are still compelled to follow the habitual edicts … while others have begun to use discipline and mental control to guide the thoughts away from the negative and to look for … and live from … the more positive side of life.

I understand that going back and dredging all of this up is a popular way to address this. More often than not … the initial or root cause of these beliefs go back so far … we may be reading about them in history books. They would be impossible to uncover. We have very little memory of living through times when situations and circumstances were much more dangerous and detrimental than today. It is not just “the past” … it is what we use to understand life around us and our place in it.

I for one would rather put my efforts into revising and recasting the beliefs and patterns I view from. It is not an easy discipline … as mind much more prefers the habitual to any viable change. Habit and change do not go together well at all.

It is exceptionally difficult … if not impossible … to force mind to do much of anything … but it *can* be led … by constant … nurturing … repetitive … gentle but determined mental claims in the direction one wishes to develop into. Much of the strength of the old cliche … The answer lies within … shows that if one has an inner issue … then the answer not only lies within but lies in the opposite direction of the problem. Mind may not like claims to the opposite of a favored habit … and therein lies the discipline. It is a lifestyle … it is a constant revision … until the new … replaces the old.

Enough said. Just my two cents worth … well … maybe more like a couple of dollars worth.

On we go.

- - o-0-O-O-0-o - -
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