2 years of reckoning?

[Stargazer]

I'm sorry this is so long but I really need some help/thoughts/guidance.

I know we're all here to learn and grow. I don't even know where to begin with this drama/karma that I'm dealing with presently. I really could use some help with anyone that is intuitive/insightful or able to tap into the other side of things to help me get my footing here...cause I'm stumbling all over the place or so it feels...

A little about myself first. I'm an empath, born January 5th so I'm also a Capricorn. My empathic ability becomes much more profound around others that have similar abilities. Its like they amplify my own abilities. Away from them its like looking through muddy water. I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling or from whom. I've gotten really good at shielding. Too good it seems because I feel I've lost some of my ability on my own (without the amplifiers to help).

So now entering my situation...two years ago I met a man (Latino and I only tell this because Latino men are raised to be very "manly") online in a forum for writers. He and I immediately connected. I learned he is a Virgo (9/3) and I discerned from my abilities that he also has some empathic qualities. He must. I say this because immediately into our online relationship that went from friends to much more I could feel it when he thought of me. Any strong emotion he was going through, I felt it, especially if it had to do with me. It was strong enough to wake me out of a deep sleep.

I've never felt a connection this strong before with anyone. The year had passed and our relationship became extremely close, in spite of the distance. I loved him deeply almost immediately and it seemed the same was true on his side of things. He was extremely loving and every day we spoke for hours. We would write together and chat. We were best friends and we loved each other. I knew in my heart I had been with this man in at least one if not more past lives. Not a day went by that we didn't talk. I gave him my cell phone number but we always just talked on the forum since it had a chat app. We emailed a bit too but it was just easier via the app to chat. We shared many things with each other, the deepest parts of ourselves. Sounds great so far right? If only it could have stayed beautiful like that.

Off and on in the last two years I've discovered a darker side of him that seemed to go downhill in the last 11 months. Initially it was just depression that darkened the waters now and then. Much of it stemming from the broken relationship with his dad, from what I could tell. His dad is a drunk and abusive at least to him in his youth both physically and emotionally. Not sure if his dad hit his mom but I do know that the emotional abuse was there for her. He would also get jealous now and then over me writing with others which seemed to worsen over time and turned into rage. Believe me when I say I stood up for myself because I did. In the last 11 months, we've had some ugly fights, all verbal of course.

I wasn't sure the source of his rage other than to say he directed it towards others but I feel certain most was really rage over himself and his feelings of inadequacy. I tried to be loving and understanding while standing up for myself. He was a handful to work with towards the end. Eventually I backed away from him because even while I loved him dearly, I couldn't handle his rage on a vibrational level as an empath. So now the real drama starts.

I was so frustrated with how he was treating me I had vented to a mutual friend. She in turn went to him and castrated him verbally. I wish she hadn't have done that because he lost it completely with me. I shattered his trust apparently. I needed someone to talk to because he would not work things out with me and it went ugly when she went off on him. Things were never the same between he and I. He wasn't sure what he wanted any more and I felt badly so I tried very hard to atone for it (even though he had been the one mistreating me all along). I grew frustrated and he and I parted ways or so I thought.

So I created a new account on the forum because I wanted to continue to write with others and did not share this with him. He somehow learned of it and created a new account to chat with me pretending to be someone else. Of course I felt it was him and he eventually admitted it - in a fit of rage. This was absurd because I learned in November that he already had been on another account that I wasn't aware of so for him to be angry over that which he was doing...yeah. That's the other thing that I found frustrating with him is that he would be mad at me for doing stuff he himself was doing. But I digress.

So this November, we parted ways again - or so I thought. He had started ignoring me when I tried to chat with him either out of spite or who knows. I was tired at this point of even trying. So, I said my goodbyes and I left the forum altogether, telling him I wished him well and I hoped one day he would see I loved him with all that I am and that he would not hear from me again.

After leaving him I was introduced to a man who reads astrological charts, does past life regressions and such. For a fee of course. Being a mess as I was emotionally I gave it a try. He told me that the man I loved and I had shared a minimum of 8 past lives (2 as married, 1 as his parent, 1 as his slave, 1 as a neighbor, 1 as a sibling, 1 or 2 as best friends and 1 as his enemy). I told him the entirety of all I've written here and he said I needed to close this chapter and move on. I agree and it was good to hear this. Then he went on to say that he would reach out to me again. I asked how. He said likely he would try to visit you. I dismissed that idea out of hand because I know he doesn't have the financial means to come 8 hours to where I live from where he lives. So the man told me he would call me but would use a different phone number sometime soon, December maybe.

Guess what happened. I got a wrong number text from a man December 1st. Initially I was like ok, just a wrong number. The guy never did say sorry and stop texting. He continued to text me that day, claiming his name was Jermaine, age 28. He wanted to know more about me, etc. I looked up the number and its a Google Talk account phone number, meaning not a real phone number at all - with a zip code in another state. My gut instincts told me it was "him". I texted back stating I hope everything works out for you. Take care. Bye." Then blocked the number. That was yesterday.

At this point I feel shattered. I don't know what to do, which way is up, if the psychic is right and now I have to worry about this guy showing up at my door or if we're finally done with whatever karma needed to play out. I'm sorry this is so long but please if anyone has any intuition here I could really use some non-judgmental help. For good or ill I really did love this man. And I know in my heart, at least at one point during the last two years, he loved me too.

[Clover]

Hello Stargazer

Pardon, I am a bit of a skim reader on the forum, so I miss these from time to time. I don't think there is a medium or intuitive that can tell you where this relationship is headed. We do have a tarot section. Personally, there isn't much the cards are going to tell you that you may not already know. You would really have to speak with him directly to get clear answer from your whole situation.

If you had some ugly fights and your friend has to castrated him verbally, maybe it was for the best to let this one go?

You probably need some kind of closure, Imo, I would contact him directly to get clear direct communication. Unfortunately, there is not a spiritual tool or guide that can predict an outcome between two separate individuals

[Stargazer]

ok thanks. I didn't figure anyone would be able to help.

[Really!]

(((STARGAZER)))

I'm so sorry you are caught up in this awful learning lesson, but it doesn't take a psychic or tarot cards to recognize abuse ...
I'm certain others recognize it also, however, since you asked for "non-judgmental help" many might not answer in fear they will sound judgmental rather than believing/having confidence their honesty is helpful especially in a situation like yours ...
I am of Spanish descent, that being said, I will not tolerate any type of abuse/macho b/c
I love & respect myself as well as completely understand I cannot fix anyone nor is it my job ...
The only thing needing to be understood about abuse is it is about power & control ...
Abusiveness can be verbal, physical, &/or emotional (link definition of Gaslighting below- named after the 1938 British play titled Gaslight) ...
His unacceptable behavior was taught to him either from interacting w/the world or by being taught (alcoholic father).
They always start off charming, friendly, interested in the person to get her/him hooked ...
Sadly, he caught you at a very advantageous time - doing something you enjoy ...
He believes it's okay to be abusive b/c people keep tolerating it by walking on eggshells in giving chances or trying to
understand his problem, his upbringing, who taught him, how to change him &/or yourself, and the "why" questions keep going in a vicious circle even when the answers are clear as day ...
Its best to take control of your life by completely ending it w/no hint of the door ajar for any type of contact not even an apology ...
Do not allow yourself to feel embarrassed or ashamed for any of it, but if you do, learn from it, forgive yourself , move on to the better people, places & things in life ...
In time the answers you seek or have found will become clearer after you detach yourself from him and concentrate all your efforts on learning to care for yourself ...

http://www.loveisrespect.org/content/what-gaslighting/

http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/edu...ionship-abuse/

http://www.domesticabuseproject.com/...ted/red-flags/

http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-ab...relationships/

Peace, light & happiness ...

[Stargazer]

Originally Posted by Really!

(((STARGAZER)))

I'm so sorry you are caught up in this awful learning lesson, but it doesn't take a psychic or tarot cards to recognize abuse ...
Peace, light & happiness ...

(((Really!)))

Thank you for actually taking the time to read my drama and giving me some good advice. I feel very broken and empty inside just now. I'm sure my guides/angels keep rolling their eyes at me because I can't seem to get myself together. I know he's being abusive. He feels like he owns me and that is a past life thing, I know. What kills me most is that I know he can be a better person than this. In other lives he has been - but he won't be in this lifetime or if he will it will be much later in life and I need to move on. I'm just struggling to do so. God, whatever karma or lesson to learn...I hope I've learned it and can move on to something else. lol Right now I just wish I could forget the love I feel for him from this life and the others. I almost feel like I'm suffocating in the grief.

[Really!]

Sounds like the lessons being taught are: 1.) Self awareness/attunement/centering 2.) Abuse & betrayal 3.) Protection 4.) When to let go 5.) Recognizing one's self as lovable 6.) Accepting what is not to be - you can love him but you cannot keep him 7.) Wishful thinking ...

Because you recognize his abusiveness means you have to let him go to be good to yourself as well as get out of his way to allow him the karmic experiences necessary for change ...

Peace, light & happiness ...

[Delsol]

Did you know that empaths are often attracted to narcissists?

Have you ever read about narcissists, or even psychopaths?

Please do, because the relationship you describe has many of the tell tale symptoms of a relationship with one. They will always leave you shattered, because you are not real to them. They don't have the same emotional capabilities, but they are masters at mimicking them. First they find out all about you - your deepest feelings - then they mirror you, love bomb you, isolate, degrade, discard - etc.

Even deeply intuitive people can be caught by surprise by a predator, because narcissists and psychopaths are so deeply skilled at making everything seem magical and destined. Some can play others like a fiddle; usually the victim - who trusts their own 'knowingness' never sees it coming. The victim becomes so embroiled in thoughts of them, care for them, etc. they can think of little else but that other person's well being, despite what others would describe as obvious abuses or disrespect at best. It can be humbling. It is quite possible all of that magic was simply pulled out of you - your own feelings and emotions. Narcissists love empaths because they are so caring, they can string them along for years. The person thinks they are being loving and compassionate by helping them work through 'issues" but the narcissist does not identify with your feelings except to wonder how they can use them to validate who they are, or rather who they want people to believe they are. They have no real feelings of their own, except fear and insecurity - all else is a mask.

There are tons of data on this topic out there. Forgive me if I overstep boundaries, perhaps your guy is just a normal guy - but it never hurts to educate yourself a little. Best wishes to you both.

[Stargazer]

Originally Posted by Delsol

Did you know that empaths are often attracted to narcissists?

Have you ever read about narcissists, or even psychopaths?

Please do, because the relationship you describe has many of the tell tale symptoms of a relationship with one. They will always leave you shattered, because you are not real to them. They don't have the same emotional capabilities, but they are masters at mimicking them. First they find out all about you - your deepest feelings - then they mirror you, love bomb you, isolate, degrade, discard - etc.

Even deeply intuitive people can be caught by surprise by a predator, because narcissists and psychopaths are so deeply skilled at making everything seem magical and destined. Some can play others like a fiddle; usually the victim - who trusts their own 'knowingness' never sees it coming. The victim becomes so embroiled in thoughts of them, care for them, etc. they can think of little else but that other person's well being, despite what others would describe as obvious abuses or disrespect at best. It can be humbling. It is quite possible all of that magic was simply pulled out of you - your own feelings and emotions. Narcissists love empaths because they are so caring, they can string them along for years. The person thinks they are being loving and compassionate by helping them work through 'issues" but the narcissist does not identify with your feelings except to wonder how they can use them to validate who they are, or rather who they want people to believe they are. They have no real feelings of their own, except fear and insecurity - all else is a mask.

There are tons of data on this topic out there. Forgive me if I overstep boundaries, perhaps your guy is just a normal guy - but it never hurts to educate yourself a little. Best wishes to you both.

No you did not overstep. Nothing is normal right now, about him or the pain I'm in. I'm sure at least part of what you say is true. I don't know if he actively knows he's doing what he's doing but that doesn't matter. What matters now is that I get out of this and do not revisit it with another man. I have to learn. What really sucks is he opened so many things for me. I felt alive again because of him. I'll always love who he presented me with the first time but the man he is now I don't know him and it just hurts. I have to move on. He is full of fear and insecurities. But he is also selfish as hell and like Really! said he is abusive psychologically. It just hurts.

[Delsol]

It does suck big time that some amazing people turn out to be mirages - and that very real pain (even rage) takes time to work through, but here is the silver lining, perhaps; that thing he pulled out of you? It IS you. It was in you and only you the entire time. The 'guy' who brought it out was simply reflecting your own sweet self; was a catalyst for that truth to make itself known to you. In this way, these 'dark angels', as repulsive as they may seem once the mask is taken away, are messengers from God, too. Gifts. You may not have received your dream-guy, but you did receive a beautiful thing; a reminder of how divine and special you are, all on your own. Fall in love with THAT, and never leave that part of yourself. When it is good and solid, share it with someone deserving.

As for whether people with personality disorders know they have them or not, it is an interesting topic, but in the end we can only extend compassion from a distance and plow forward. We can try to influence those we care about and be supportive, but if doing that feels bad, something is probably off. Take care of you! Do things you like to do. Rest. Meditate. Sorry if I rambled. I went through something similar, only a bit more involved (twenty years worth) and I went into hermit mode for over 12 mos because of it - because of the trauma. I had to completely rebirth myself. There are many stages, but it is difficult to have regrets once you pass through each one because you know you are growing, learning - wiser and possibly more 'you' than before because of it.

[Clover]

Originally Posted by Delsol

Did you know that empaths are often attracted to narcissists?

Have you ever read about narcissists, or even psychopaths?

Please do, because the relationship you describe has many of the tell tale symptoms of a relationship with one. They will always leave you shattered, because you are not real to them. They don't have the same emotional capabilities, but they are masters at mimicking them. First they find out all about you - your deepest feelings - then they mirror you, love bomb you, isolate, degrade, discard - etc.

Even deeply intuitive people can be caught by surprise by a predator, because narcissists and psychopaths are so deeply skilled at making everything seem magical and destined. Some can play others like a fiddle; usually the victim - who trusts their own 'knowingness' never sees it coming. The victim becomes so embroiled in thoughts of them, care for them, etc. they can think of little else but that other person's well being, despite what others would describe as obvious abuses or disrespect at best. It can be humbling. It is quite possible all of that magic was simply pulled out of you - your own feelings and emotions. Narcissists love empaths because they are so caring, they can string them along for years. The person thinks they are being loving and compassionate by helping them work through 'issues" but the narcissist does not identify with your feelings except to wonder how they can use them to validate who they are, or rather who they want people to believe they are. They have no real feelings of their own, except fear and insecurity - all else is a mask.

There are tons of data on this topic out there. Forgive me if I overstep boundaries, perhaps your guy is just a normal guy - but it never hurts to educate yourself a little. Best wishes to you both.

Just wanted to say, good write up on a narcissist, Del Sol.

I am Spanish as well. Trust me, D bags come in all races and ethnic groups. Obviously, we cant diagnose his personality, but he doesn't seem like a very caring person. Sol made some good points. Member, Really! also provided some good links. Thanks, gals.