Are You Good At Forgivness?

[Flexi-Girl]

I am curious how people here are with forgiveness. Do you find you forgive easily or hold onto stuff more?

[inavalan]

You asked as if forgiveness is something indisputably good. Forgiveness implies a negative reaction that you have and that you magnanimously forgo.

You, intentionally or unintentionally created what's happened, so the only reaction should be to further create what you want, neither forgive, nor get upset, nor anything else. Be creative, not reactive!

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by inavalan

You asked as if forgiveness is something indisputably good. Forgiveness implies a negative reaction that you have and that you magnanimously forgo.

You, intentionally or unintentionally created what's happened, so the only reaction should be to further create what you want, neither forgive, nor get upset, nor anything else. Be creative, not reactive!

Forgiveness could be a creative act.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Forgiveness could be a creative act.

What do you mean? Can you give an example?

Do you mean to forgive yourself? You don't need to.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by inavalan

What do you mean? Can you give an example?

You say we created what's happened intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps the act of forgiving someone could create the space for a better outcome.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

You say we created what's happened intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps the act of forgiving someone could create the space for a better outcome.

I don't follow, probably because we have different beliefs about what reality is ... By "intentionally or unintentionally" I meant that you create by default. You create what you focus on. If you don't control your focus, either because you don't pay attention, or because you aren't able to, then you create unconsciously.

Somebody posted about how he wanted something very strongly, it didn't materialize, then he gave up because he wanted something else, and his first wish materialized. His conclusion was on the lines that when you give up, your wishes materialize. What actually happened was that embedded in his strong wish there was the doubt that his wish won't materialize. When he stopped thinking about that, there was no more doubt, and the wish materialized, as there was no contradictory wish to prevent it anymore.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by inavalan

I don't follow, probably because we have different beliefs about what reality is ... By "intentionally or unintentionally" I meant that you create by default. You create what you focus on. If you don't control your focus, either because you don't pay attention, or because you aren't able to, then you create unconsciously.

Somebody posted about how he wanted something very strongly, it didn't materialize, then he gave up because he wanted something else, and his first wish materialized. His conclusion was on the lines that when you give up, your wishes materialize. What actually happened was that embedded in his strong wish there was the doubt that his wish won't materialize. When he stopped thinking about that, there was no more doubt, and the wish materialized, as there was no contradictory wish to prevent it anymore.

Thanks for sharing that Inavalon

[lancing]

I don't feel I have much value to add here, because I forgive others very, very easily, but with myself (forgiving myself) it's a long drawn out process. Even tho, forgiveness is a process in general...

I think it's easier to forgive if you can apply understanding/empathy, instead of judging, placing blame, or letting your anger, disappoint, sadness, counterfactual thinking, and/or general pain consume you...

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by lancing

I don't feel I have much value to add here, because I forgive others very, very easily, but with myself (forgiving myself) it's a long drawn out process. Even tho, forgiveness is a process in general...

I think it's easier to forgive if you can apply understanding/empathy, instead of judging, placing blame, or letting your anger, disappoint, sadness, counterfactual thinking, and/or general pain consume you...

I definitely think there is a strong empathy factor, so you're probably highly empathic if you're the forgiving type. There is also a trust factor which is a very valuable trait to have. Trust is so essential for every kind of relationship to thrive.

[Rah nam]

to me, forgiveness is synonymous to letting go


and the people around you, who might have a part in this role play, are just that, players in your theater


ultimately, its about your development in this reality