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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #31  
Old 06-07-2020, 01:08 AM
hitch hitch is offline
Pathfinder
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 74
 
OP,

I was thinking about your post today & if you feel stuck, itís becuz you were. For me, I couldnít move on until information came to light. I still donít know why the Divine needed me to know these things & gave me a correction on something I was mistaken about, but it did.

I was extremely frustrated. I felt like a character who kept coming up to a red light and I wanted out!! I had major victimization going on because of how acutel aware I was & relegated to a holding pattern, so even when the energy in my life started to propel me forward, my brain was stuck on high alert. I was very much in trepidation because it had taken years for all this to happen & now all I wanted was an exit! Thatís how our brain is wired & to tell you to just ďstopĒ is going against your own wiring.

What needs to be done is healing, forgiving and slowly giving your brain and neurotransmitters enough space to know youíre not gonna wait around for this person anymore & youíre free to leave. Thatís how our minds work. Just give it space, be very grounded & know that something better is always coming for you.

My heart goes out to you. I know that feeling and Iím glad to be out of it.
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  #32  
Old 06-07-2020, 01:18 AM
ONEsoul ONEsoul is offline
Knower
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 136
 
I have attempted to reply multiple times , with no luck
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  #33  
Old 06-07-2020, 03:42 AM
utopiandreamchild utopiandreamchild is offline
Guide
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Auckland New Zealand
Posts: 511
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If you want out then simply walk. It's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. Leave with love and no regrets is my advice. Amen
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  #34  
Old 07-07-2020, 05:16 AM
InquiringMind InquiringMind is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 19
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyVictoria
Wow! You have some really strong opinions and beliefs regarding your supposed "twin flame". Not very flattering in the least.
A fair point. I really idealized her and put her on a pedestal when I first started spending time with her. I couldn’t imagine that she had any serious flaws, in spite of the fact that 3 people close to me warned me that she had some real problems. In fact, one of my close friends (who had lived in the same dorm with her and knew her fairly well) said that she was “a terrible person” and he said “I would never date her because of the way she was when we lived [in the dorms].” He had a pretty low opinion of her, and I defended her against his bad opinion of her, but after reflecting for several years about her character I have to agree with my mom, sister, and friend: she’s got much bigger character problems than most people. I actually think it was part of my growth experience to go from idealizing her to seeing her (fairly serious) character flaws for what they are. So is there another step after that? Is this about seeing the good in someone whom others describe as “immature” and “very into herself” and “a terrible person”?
Quote:
Originally Posted by hitch
I was thinking about your post today & if you feel stuck, it’s becuz you were. For me, I couldn’t move on until information came to light. I still don’t know why the Divine needed me to know these things & gave me a correction on something I was mistaken about, but it did.
I’ve very open to the idea that I am desperately in need of new information that will change my perspective of the situation. I would be quite happy to learn that I am completely wrong here and that I have badly mishandled the situation. I just don’t know what that information would be. If there are new lessons to learn, I am eager to learn them. I am eagerly awaiting the Universe to give this new information to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by utopiandreamchild
If you want out then simply walk. It's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. Leave with love and no regrets is my advice. Amen
It does seem that it should be that simple, right? Just walk away and find someone new. Easy. Well if it was that easy, why would there be a Twin Flame forum and a gazillion online dating apps?

I don’t think she’s very happy in her life, but she refuses to change. I’m not sure what to do with that. If a better relationship prospect came along I’d take it without hesitation. But a better prospect - at least as I perceive it - has not come along.

I’m here because I still feel a very powerful connection with her and I still frequently have dreams about her at night. These dreams are often symbolic and have common repeating themes. I want to believe that there’s still some important things that I need to learn from her, but I can’t think of what they are. And I have some hope that she might learn something important from me, but she’s very closed off and doesn’t seem interested in discussing much of anything at all with me.

So if there is something important to learn from her or some important thing I need to do, then I’m very open to that. But after six years I’m out of ideas and I can’t think of what other lessons there are from my connection with her as long as she remains unwilling to discuss anything with me.
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  #35  
Old 10-07-2020, 09:02 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
Master
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 7,809
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by InquiringMind
A fair point. I really idealized her and put her on a pedestal when I first started spending time with her. I couldn’t imagine that she had any serious flaws, in spite of the fact that 3 people close to me warned me that she had some real problems. In fact, one of my close friends (who had lived in the same dorm with her and knew her fairly well) said that she was “a terrible person” and he said “I would never date her because of the way she was when we lived [in the dorms].” He had a pretty low opinion of her, and I defended her against his bad opinion of her, but after reflecting for several years about her character I have to agree with my mom, sister, and friend: she’s got much bigger character problems than most people. I actually think it was part of my growth experience to go from idealizing her to seeing her (fairly serious) character flaws for what they are. So is there another step after that? Is this about seeing the good in someone whom others describe as “immature” and “very into herself” and “a terrible person”?
Even so, we all have to allow people to be themselves. They alone don't have problems. Relational problems always involve at least two people, no matter whether romantic, business, parental or whatever.

She'll most likely eventually meet someone with whom she'll fit in. Could be she mellows, sees that her 'character' is narrowing her chances/satisfaction with life and contemplates what she needs to do to change. Maybe she'll meet no one and end up without really having lived.



Quote:
It does seem that it should be that simple, right? Just walk away and find someone new. Easy. Well if it was that easy, why would there be a Twin Flame forum and a gazillion online dating apps?
Do you want an honest answer to that?
Because it's fashionable. A while ago someone unearthed a Theosophic belief created by a certain Blavatsky (who many still consider was a fraud - she kept changing her beliefs) and turned it into an industry. You want to know how phoney it is? You'll find "Twin flame matchmakers" on the web, ready to lift $400 from you for finding your Ms Right - so they say. Nothing about a money back guarantee. But it's still fashionable and lots of people have come up with lots of theories about being born with only part of a soul; souls splitting and things, some of which beggar belief. Most of it is on the snake oil stall on the web.

You hear a lot less about twin flame match-making in Europe because bogus spiritual teaching is covered by consumer laws so there's always a disclaimer!

Quote:
I’m here because I still feel a very powerful connection with her and I still frequently have dreams about her at night. These dreams are often symbolic and have common repeating themes. I want to believe that there’s still some important things that I need to learn from her, but I can’t think of what they are. And I have some hope that she might learn something important from me, but she’s very closed off and doesn’t seem interested in discussing much of anything at all with me.

So if there is something important to learn from her or some important thing I need to do, then I’m very open to that. But after six years I’m out of ideas and I can’t think of what other lessons there are from my connection with her as long as she remains unwilling to discuss anything with me.
Those aren't actually signs of a twin flame match. But - just my personal view - you're now in the process of learning one big lesson. Besides, she seems to have exhausted what she can teach you.

Good luck.
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  #36  
Old 10-07-2020, 08:46 PM
InquiringMind InquiringMind is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 19
 
I'm still very curious about something. What story is she telling herself about what happened between us, or what may still be happening? I know the story I'm telling myself: she and I meet, we feel a cosmic connection, I'm willing to confront the problems in the relationship but she is not willing to confront them so she runs away. Years later I have done a lot of work on myself but she has not and she remains unwilling to confront any of her own problems. She stubbornly refuses to do the things that would make her life better, including in areas of her life that have nothing to do with me.

That's the story that I'm telling myself, but I recognize that she may be telling herself a completely different story about what's going on.

The thing is that the stories that we tell ourselves about what we're doing are just that - stories. They may not actually reflect our real motives at all. We may be completely unaware of our real motivations for acting as we do. Or we may deny our real motives.

I can say that I ran away from a few good relationships in the past. The story I told myself was that those women had some physical imperfection or personality flaw, or there was something about them that wasn't quite. But after a long period of intense introspection, I can say that the real reason I ran away was that I did not want those women to see my flaws. I felt flawed in their presence, and I did not want them to see me for who I really was, so I ran away and blamed them. It was only years later that I can own my motivations for running.
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  #37  
Old 10-07-2020, 09:30 PM
Ziusudra Ziusudra is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 908
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Maybe you should just talk to her directly and ask.
Tell her what you really think about her and ask her if she wants a relationship with you.
Give her a call and be direct.

If you have not done that, it is because you are afraid of the outcome.
It is so much more intriguing for you to continue with this obsession.
You may not want to end this obviously dysfunctional, unhealthy, and even toxic pseudo relationship because you may not want a real serious relationship.
Some guys carry on with an unhealthy pursuit of impossible connection because they don't think that they actually deserve a peaceful happy relationship.

This has nothing to do with her.
This is more about you.

Relationship is difficult.
Why hanging on to one that is impossible?
__________________
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore". - Andre Gide
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  #38  
Old 12-07-2020, 04:15 PM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
Master
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 7,809
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by InquiringMind
I'm still very curious about something. What story is she telling herself about what happened between us, or what may still be happening? I know the story I'm telling myself: she and I meet, we feel a cosmic connection, I'm willing to confront the problems in the relationship but she is not willing to confront them so she runs away. Years later I have done a lot of work on myself but she has not and she remains unwilling to confront any of her own problems. She stubbornly refuses to do the things that would make her life better, including in areas of her life that have nothing to do with me.
But you see, when she's alone she has no problems. They appear when she has to interact. Like I said it takes two to raise a problem.
Quote:
The thing is that the stories that we tell ourselves about what we're doing are just that - stories. They may not actually reflect our real motives at all. We may be completely unaware of our real motivations for acting as we do. Or we may deny our real motives.
Absolutely. It isn't that people want to be dishonest - could be they do to be diplomatic - but we rarely know our deepest workings. I've not encountered anyone here who is ready to try relate a problem, an upset, a hurt, back to their most basic drives.

Just as how it's laudable but questionable why you're so in pursuit of her, holding these post mortems. Do you really know when the thing is now one-sided? Might it be better to shrug at this stage and cut your losses. Ok, we all act differently. The post above this one suggests it's worth seeing if anything can be resurrected. To me, as things stand even if you got back together do you think as a pair, as a supposed twin flame, you think it would last, the problems of the past forgotten?

So a realistic question is - does it matter?
Quote:
I can say that I ran away from a few good relationships in the past. The story I told myself was that those women had some physical imperfection or personality flaw, or there was something about them that wasn't quite. But after a long period of intense introspection, I can say that the real reason I ran away was that I did not want those women to see my flaws. I felt flawed in their presence, and I did not want them to see me for who I really was, so I ran away and blamed them. It was only years later that I can own my motivations for running.
Many of us do - or did. Ageing a little now I've calmed down a bit but looking back, many relationships were transient. As an ex-arch-romantic I knew that "romantics" for many have only a limited time before they run dry. Some even started on the knowledge that they wouldn't last - not that anyone ran away (though I sometimes did), they just lost their impetus, became (frankly) boring or edgy. An argument was a red light to me. It indicated a battle of wills and if compromise wasn't possible it had to end. I didn't like the idea of strained emotions or unease with someone. I learned that being in love with them (in the mundane sense) and liking them were not the same thing.

So I don't think you had a problem there except in worrying about what you think are your flaws. One person's flaw is another's strength. Just be as natural as you can. Air your habits but if they clash, ponder on whether compromise is possible. If it isn't then start the goodbye proceedings.
.
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  #39  
Old 16-08-2020, 11:45 AM
Luciphene Luciphene is offline
Newbie ;)
Pathfinder
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 81
 
If someone told you to jump off a cliff....lol you know the rest!

You donít even like her! Whether sheís your twin flame or not is irrelevant! Why would you even consider having a relationship with someone you clearly hate!? No offence but youíre setting yourself up for a miserable time and a catastrophic relationship failure here!

This twin flame business has gone a wee bit too far IMO. Just because someone is (or you believe someone is) your twin flame, it doesnít mean they are obliged to like you, or want anything to do with you! You canít say....sheís a runner...when the truth of is probably more like....she just ainít interested!

If you were twin flames, and you were ready for that relationship (whatever form it takes, it doesnít have to be sexual) it would happen. Without needing to push it along.

Soul contract...I have no idea if you have one with her or not but, I know this. Contract or not you donít HAVE to do anything. If youíre not happy just walk away, it sounds like that might be best for everyone.
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