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Old 16-09-2023, 01:22 AM
ReturningMoon ReturningMoon is offline
Join Date: Sep 2022
Posts: 74
Is parenting something that's possible to do without making any mistakes?

Hi everyone. In my opinion the answer to this is no. This would explain why I made the decision not to be a parent myself. I know that I would make the same mistakes my parents did so the best "parental decision" on my part would be to not have children.
There's alot that I don't agree with about how my parents raised me. I don't think that's just me but do you think parenting is possible to do without making any mistakes?
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Old 16-09-2023, 02:35 AM
wstein wstein is offline
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Location: Austin TX USA
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No human is perfect enough to do anything for ~20 years without making mistakes. Even 20 hours would be a challenge.

Also keep in mind that every child is different (even those from same parents), so what is 'perfect' for one might be a disaster for another.

The core of the issue is that you feel ill equipped to do an adequate job as a parent. This might be inherent or just a lack of training.

Until recently, children were raised by at least two adults if not an extended family or village. This balanced things out so most children were raised without too much damage being inflicted by any one person.

While I think you are being too hard on yourself, I do applaud not wanting to ruin a child's life.

I choose not to have children because I didn't have a reason to want them. It's a big responsibility with a big impact. I figure its not something to do unless you have a strong personal reason to do so.
no sugar coating here, I tell it straight as I see it
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Old 16-10-2023, 07:17 AM
Joe Mc Joe Mc is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,751
There is awful lot in your post, very interesting points, thanks for raising them.
I would say in a very general way that even if we decide not to have children
ourselves we are still obliged in lots of ways to participate in the 'Bigger Family' of the world.
This in itself draws us into Morals, behaviours, rights and wrongs, etc. Even if we decide to withdraw up a mountain etc.
that act itself has been dictated by something like how society is, how we don't agree or like it etc.
So we can't escape as such our moral or love/hate natures and inclinations as humans.
Having children probably just amplifies these feelings and focuses us to act accordingly.
Of course the bond between a child and and a parent, especially a mother, is the profoundest bond on earth it could be argued, so it can run far deeper than something like a political party, a job, or other areas of life.

I feel the word mistake is also an interesting one and needs to be looked at ? Can someone who is conditioned and blindly acting out be considered to have bad intentions etc.
So many questions, thanks once again for your post.

__________________________________________________ ________
Too much intellectual pride and not enough intellectual beauty

To Thine own Self be True

The Frost performs its secret ministry,Unhelped by any wind. Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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Old 16-10-2023, 08:45 AM
AngelBlue AngelBlue is offline
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 5,123
As has already been pointed out , none of us are perfect.
I don't know why I went through life feeling as though I had somehow let my children down, but I always felt that.
One day I went to see a medium and she asked me "why do you feel as though you have been a bad mother ?"

I was quite amazed that she picked up on this .
I just answered that I didn't know.

Spirit was telling her that I could not be more wrong and that in fact I was the most amazing mother to my children.
This has stayed with me.

Testimony to that ( some 20 years later ) my children themselves confirm this.
I know that they love me.
I now know that they appreciate everything I ever did for them and with them.
I devoted all my time and attention to them growing up.

One of them recently said I was the singular biggest influence in his life .

I could do a million good things for my children, but I think I was focused on those one or two little issues that quote honestly were beyond my control when they were growing up.

And as I said none of us are perfect.
We are not meant to be.
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Old 16-10-2023, 09:01 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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My children tell everyone that I was the biggest supporter of them but if i had to i could also dish out punishment not in a negative way.
I always strived to be a better parent to my kids than I sometimes had in mine

The Spoken Word Always Comes Back As Whispers In
The Wind
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Old 16-10-2023, 10:18 AM
AngelBlue AngelBlue is offline
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Originally Posted by Native spirit
My children tell everyone that I was the biggest supporter of them but if i had to i could also dish out punishment not in a negative way.
I always strived to be a better parent to my kids than I sometimes had in mine

You've hit the nail on the head there Native.
It was all to do with my upbringing too that I swore my children would never feel as I did growing up.
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Old 18-10-2023, 02:42 PM
Redchic12 Redchic12 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2022
Posts: 2,767
Parenting…………..welllllll……..everything I needed to know, I learnt when I didn’t need it anymore!!! Lol

Didn’t have a clue what to do and didn’t have any family or friends here to run to as I was 12,000 miles from home, living in a small mining town. Literally in the bush. Made heaps of mistakes. Got some things right and some things wrong but I guess I had good communication with them and that made a huge difference.

They’ve both turned out pretty well as adults considering.
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Old 19-10-2023, 06:09 AM
Starman Starman is offline
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Parenting is influenced by our own culture and how we were raised. Most people say they “are not going to be like their parents.” The fact is we inherit mental and emotional traits from our biological parents as well as physical characteristics.

Coming out of the dark ages as we literally are, incoming generations will feel more enlightened and creative, then the generation which is now their grandparents. Lifestyles are changing and normalizing very rapidly.

Its’ amazing how much abuse and pain lots of children survive. I have found, through research, that a large portion of spiritually oriented people come out of an abusive background. Most are vigilant about not letting the painful beast they acquired control them.

Children do not need to behave to be loved but they must be loved in order for them to behave. A person who develops compassion and empathy for others can heal themselves. Whatever we did not get as children we have to give to ourselves as adults. Most people I know came out of what they called “a dysfunctional family.”
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Old 19-10-2023, 10:40 AM
Altair Altair is offline
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Yes, I guess it's really hard to put the mistakes of your parents aside when you raise your own children. I guess you have to be really aware about it and continue to remind yourself of shortcomings and actively try to do things better. One example, I know on one side of my family there's a poor attitude towards visiting dentists so in part I grew up on that, had to make appointments myself and as a teen I didn't feel concerned. I still feel the consequences of that, having had a root canal treatment as a teen, a tooth which in recent years got so weak it had to be replaced with an implant. That's costly treatment. So that's poor parenting and if I had child(ren) I would do things differently.

I find it relaxing knowing I'm not a parent, because making mistakes is inevitable. You think you got topic X covered only to be surprised by topic Y. And you get a partner who brings his/her own baggage to the table. You have to ''deal'' with that as well. My god, what a mess to get entangled in. So much stress. Jogging on from one issue to another, how pointless life can be. But not for me, I would not make a good parent because I'm a natural introvert and prefer to immerse myself in what I wanna do, not immerse myself into baggage of others and sacrifice lol.
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Old 19-10-2023, 06:28 PM
eputkonen eputkonen is offline
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Saint Petersburg, FL
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Originally Posted by ReturningMoon
do you think parenting is possible to do without making any mistakes?

It is impossible to do something so complicated over years without making any mistakes. I would say don't worry about making mistakes...you have never done it before...and besides mistakes are a certainty. All you can do is try to do better than your own parents.

If you are only willing to do something you have never done before if you can do it perfectly and without any mistakes, then you won't do anything new again.

My parents did the best they could and they did make mistakes, but I turned out alright. I don't hold their mistakes against them, because I love who I am now. I am and know what I know now because of everything that happened in the past.
Eric Putkonen - YouTuber on https://bitly.com/AdvaitaChannel
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