How do I begin to make new friends after years of being a hermit?

[Clio_86]

I made new friends by joining the website meetup.com and finding events that interested me. There are all kinds of groups and events to join depending on how big your city is. Many of the events I participated in had people of all ages, from early 20s to 60s.

[Traveler]

Volunteer somewhere that interests you.

[Altair]

Originally Posted by JimmyJam92

what would be the first step?

I read that you are 30 years old. I don't want to be a downer but I'm going to share a bit of reality here. I'm a few years older. The reality is that within the age range of roughly 30-60 it is probably the hardest to make friends and it takes the most effort.

First of all, when we are kids, teenagers, or perhaps students later on we see the same people most days. Bonds form naturally and there is not all that much effort required. You see one another frequently so it builds naturally. Most people don't have to ask themselves ''how do I make friends?'' in those age groups.

Second, from the late 20s/early 30s most people start settling. They become part of a new family unit and their dedication outside of work is to their partner and their kids. Of course, many people do other activities, but over the years people have settled in that area also. Most people do become more conservative and less open over time with age. They have a fixed group of friends for instance, and when you try to make new friends they may go home earlier than you in the early evenings ''because my wife..'' or ''the kids...''

I have noticed this in my older siblings and I'm now noticing it myself in people of my generation. Also, my parents are retired and have a new house and place, and many people in their neighbourhood are either retired or work part time, which makes it quite easy again to make friends in a new setting.

It is in that 30-60 bracket that things are just more difficult, and it's not a simple matter of ''go with the flow'' or ''it will happen naturally''. We are not kids any more, we are not among fellow retired people either. So it takes effort and time, and from my experience, to really build something you gotta see people at least multiple times a week. So yeah, anything that requires some commitment can help.

[iamthat]

Following on from Altair's comments, those over 60 with no immediate family (such as myself) may find that they are less active socially. Twenty years ago I could easily be out five nights a week. Now I feel little need for such social connections. I see a few people on a regular basis but I rarely get involved in group activities. I am content with quiet evenings at home and early nights. As we change over time so our requirements change.

Peace

[Redchic12]

Really interesting read Altair.

Pretty spot on too.

[JimmyJam92]

maybe free church events

[CosmicWonder]

BTW,

Good job on being THAT independent. I can’t go a day without social interaction. It’s a long journey to be so far as a soul to not break down under aloneness.

Kind regards,

CW

Depends. Maybe you could talk to someone you already know from long time and just say hello?
And if they ask where you have been you could apologize you haven't kept in touch and for the (maybe?) random spurs every now and again. There can be misteps it happens.
Also, internet is a good start. Look up some interests of yours, maybe there are forums about it too. Also remember to be patient with others too!

The important is to take things at your own rythm and letting others go at their own rythm too. Who knows, you may meet people along the way..

[lostsoul13]

I was the same, mainly because I was so aloof ~ with my self and others… I started to make friends online gaming(cod,fortnight,gta) and also buying classes in stock trades.. I would sign up to their signals class meet like minded people- my confidence went up and I was doing and educational work for the self…

I took walking groups, swimming with friends, holiday activities (arts and crafts)

Even if it was for the hour (where I would try my hardest not to want to curl up on the own) I figured life as an observer is seeing how much you can change your life and only you witness it.. but I figured from a young age (joining a church) and making friends~ I’m type to palm you off but a pizza out , ice skating and camping really made me realise you need people in your life to see you succeed- and part of that success was keeping and maintaining friendships even if they were just acquaintances…

I’m starting a coffee mornings Monday (with two of my acquaintances)

It’s about being positive that you can always go back to spending time with the self after it eek!!!