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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Past Lives & Reincarnation

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  #1  
Old 24-07-2022, 09:02 AM
PecaS PecaS is offline
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Maybe I am wrong? Help and guidance ... please

In this lifetime. My father was a garden-variety piece of ****. to mention a few things, he would ask my mother for a divorce and then back down. However, each time he would run my mother through hell, one time, he kidnapped my sister and me (with full knowledge of his family) and made mom suffer.

At another time, he *Sorry, deleted* because "they hindered his plans" even though I had managed to get pet sitters (after begging his brother, my uncle), and then, he boasted of the deed for years afterwards.

My sister is an ENT, and at some point of her school, she faced a bunch of deadbeats who were planning on raping and beating her. We knew, and my father said: "good! I hope they do it so your sister learns that she has to obey me". Of course, I did everything to manipulate him (and I did and saved my sister AND my mother) as they were staying together and both at risk.

There are three jewels of how he was like for us. Of course, he was wonderful to friends and HIS blood family. Due to many things happening we got rid of him and he died alone. As he wanted. He was the type of man who would believe anything any "spiritual" healer would tell him, it did not matter if it was crazy or hazardous to one's health.

He would "feed" mom things to "exorcise her" because "she was friends with a ***** who wanted his body" and I saw my mother convulse while sleeping... IDK you could do that.

Anywho, my mother currently is dying from cancer and liver nash (non-alcoholic cirrhosis) I am sure that he had things to do in this, and I loathe him for many reasons. But

I've always believed that I came to this world to help my mother who, in turn wanted to "save" a soul that had been pleading for help for eons: my father's and that, in the scheme of interactions, it was only us three: my mom, my sister and me.

But now, with mom in the process of transitioning, I worry that I might be wrong and that, all this resentment I feel against him is just because of this lifetime. and in the next one, we are all good.

Also, If I may ask, I do not want to reincarnate. At least not in this earth. which returns me to the idea of us three are part of some sort of "heaven militia"?

can anyone give me knowledge, wisdom, help??
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  #2  
Old 24-07-2022, 01:26 PM
Miss Hepburn Miss Hepburn is offline
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This may or may not 'help' or be in the category of wisdom...but I also had a terrible father. (And maybe I've told you this story before...)
I prayed, begged, went to therapy for years to forgive him somehow...I just 'knew' it was not a good thing to hate him
or carry this anger, plus, it was effecting my relationships.
Short version: Suddenly one Saturday morning - I was given a vision that stopped my in my tracks...like a deer caught in headlights...

There was my father saying to me, (before incarnating), "I will be your father and you will be my daughter and I will treat you like you treat women -
so you will stop it once and for all." And there I was, calmly, saying, "Ok".

So, the 'bad' person in my life was actually my buddy, so close and caring about me - he took on the job
treating me so badly, like wow...just to break me out of my cycle of being mean, myself. This was the plan or agreement we both made.

Nothing is what it seems. (Said by some Buddhist monk.)

*To read about such things I always recommend the 3 books by or interviews on youtube by Rob Schwartz.
Why?
Because, nothing is what it seems.
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  #3  
Old 24-07-2022, 07:48 PM
inavalan inavalan is offline
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Although you may get honest advice from other people, eventually you have to learn to tap your inner-guidance. It is the more accurate helper. That will allow you to develop a model of reality, will give you answers to existential questions, and will direct you what to do, what to choose.

Our thoughts and emotions bring in our life situations that will create more such emotions: hate - hate, fear - fear, anger - anger.

Your interpretation about the higher connection between you and your parents follow a widely held belief about these things, that I don't subscribe to.

In contrast, I believe that from the pre/after-life, this life is perceived as we perceive here our dreams. We don't go to sleep with such plans in our mind as the connections you describe. What's happening in our lives is only the result of our individual choices; not even the result of others' choices.

Looking back now, and trying to make sense, in my experience, isn't helpful mainly because it means that you're focusing on negative aspects. This focus has detrimental effect on your current life and possibilities, and what happened in your past isn't the basis for your current and future life.

The basis of your current life are only your current beliefs and expectations. You make your choices now, exercising your ego's free will.

I hope this helps. It was my only intention in writing this to you. I'm sorry for all your pain.
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  #4  
Old 24-07-2022, 08:07 PM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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I know a lot of people believe that we choose the family we will be born into
I don't believe that at all.
Because i would never have chosen to be born into the family I was born into.
The hate you feel for your dad doesn't matter to him,
But it makes you ill. Let it go don't hold onto it.
I have been in a similar situation and I found letting it go frees you



Namaste
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  #5  
Old 26-07-2022, 07:34 AM
PecaS PecaS is offline
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Hello guys thank you for all your words, they did make a sound in my soul and mind. My concern was not about the terrible relationship with my father or my resentment... well, not entirely.

You might have read Brian Weiss. he's kinda cool IMHO; but he does state that we have these soul groups or families (and now that I type it, it makes a lot of noise) and he says that each time we incarnate, we change roles.

in that context, it would be terrible for me to hold a grudge against him. specially since it is not something that he "chose" to do, more like what happened to and with Miss Hepburn... I do not feel that way, I kinda feel that we are done with him as a soul. that we will not cross paths anymore with him.

but since I might be very biased, I wanted your input.
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  #6  
Old 27-07-2022, 04:33 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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It's good you feel you are done with him, mean too the trauma bond is easier. You were/are the real man of the family and no doubt they all know it. And I mean your "dad" too. Very sorry about your Mom. Wish you healing.

I think one lesson is to have self love, self respect and have your boundaries where they ought to be. That is for sure something your dad used/abused to violate. I think actions of evil makes others suffer and think more and be more strong of what is right and what is wrong and fight for good.

I've seen in my own family a clear contrast between the selfish/immature ones and those I call the "gentle people". I can not say if the "gentle people" are taken for a ride or not, but I still wonder how the souls of the selfish/immature, even "evil" ones got mixed up in there in the first place. I can go back and see one generation after the other. It is two pieces of a puzzle that fit, but where as the gentle people are less benefited from it. The other kind pick and chose those as it will be most beneficiary for themselves (selfish). It is also the story of opposites attract, and why is that? I don't know. Just something in the energies, I suppose.

I hope that the few people in my life that has made my life very difficult at times are in reality "up there" good spirits and have only taken on the bandit-mask to play in this life. But it can too be that they will be more or less bandits in lots of lives ahead as that is their chose to be, that is their pattern, that is what they have learned, til they finally change. That is their road. If that is so I hope/think you will recognize such a spirit in life ahead and avoid. I've made 2 past life regression discoveries of 2 of my "bandits" in my life, 1 of which I was at first sure was not part of my soul group. This because I had difficulty connecting like I normally do with the others. I had trouble connecting as that someone was wearing one mask after another (psychopathy), the only time I felt a connection was when I didn't, that was when his mask came off and he showed me what he was really made off, (and from that I still have memory blanks). The other bandit's energy I had felt way earlier I even met this one in this life and knew when we first met there was something wrong. From what I can tell even if it is only fragments is that either of these 2 were particular good spirits in our previous lives together, so then that is not so encouraging I suppose. I understand your thoughts, I think, but I don't have a clear answer for you.

I think in one way I was taught to show empathy even for those who has not showed it to me, and that that will lift me higher in my own development, but that don't mean one is suppose to expose one self to more of evil actions just because.

I sometimes wonder if we just are born into and follow the energy streams of the past family history and just go there as part of a wave. I know now that my mother was not sensitive but my dad was and she pretty much moped the floor with him in court getting custody of me as part of her revenge. I had been close with my dad. I had had an emotional connection with my dad. And he was completely erased from my life. There was childhood trauma for me. I had been independent early on and my family would always say they never worried about me. My mom had unrealistic expectations of me and she violated my boundaries, would do silence treatment, would try to quilt trip me...she was out to dominate her relationships. This all from her fear. Thus my boundaries were not were they were suppose to be. I was programmed to first feel in the other one's emotions before mine. That had at first been my way of survival and now it was in my nature and normal to me. But too because I had been shown empathy from my dad and the gentle people. While I was to later be in a relationship with a man (even engaged) he had no sensitivity to him at all (psychiatrist thought he was on the psychopath scale) and I swear it, I was numbed. I could not feel my own emotions. My survival had been adapting to his. I worked well on the surface but there was sleep deprivation, anxiety, even depression at some level, increasing. Once I got far away enough from him and he was trying to pull me back in I had my first experience of what a panic attack was. I went from having no feelings, to denying too if I felt something (I would cry alone at times, overwhelmed, hiding in our place, but still not being sure on why I was so unhappy) to feeling everything. All that accumulated fear.

My patterns were in my childhood, unresolved trauma and I was reliving it and not understanding why I had such trouble in my love life when most of my other relationships in life were stable and positive, and still are. I was not aware.

Me choosing a man who was not sensitive was me choosing my mom (kinda disturbing if you ask me, first time I heard it I went Whaaat...?) and what had gone wrong in our relationship and now in a way trying to fix that. I too chose a man who was not sensitive because I believed (and here is the tricky part, the final step of abuse) I was not cut out, I was not strong enough because I was so sensitive, so I needed a "strong man" by my side. Choosing a man who is not sensitive...is not choosing a man who is strong (What was I thinking?!)

I know "the gentle people" in my family would tell my mom that she had to think about how she expressed herself to people, that she could hurt people. She complained that that made no difference at all and then that was the receivers problem and not hers. She didn't care. My husband has the mix of being not sensitive, but also sensitive, and I saw both elements in him, and know now that is one of the signs of someone on the autism spectrum. when I first saw the not sensitive side of him I remember I backed off and thought something like "Not again" (a reminder of my psychopath-ex), but then I saw his sensitivity (and in that I think I saw one of the sides I had missed in my dad) and I was pulled towards. Let's just say there has been a pull back and forth ever since, LOL. My husband has said himself that he knows and been told he can come off as not sensitive when he speaks but that his intention is not hurt and there has been times he has hurt me real bad and then I can see too that he suffers from that. Me being as tolerant as I was of that before was because to me that was normal, that was my mom's way of talking.

I think what ever one is going to look into it is going to be one layer after another of finally understanding how the dots connects, and then I think when we do we free ourselves, and we go "up, up" where we belong. I hope so, at least.

You seem to have much more clarity of your family situation and yourself, than I have had. I too think that your mom having been exposed to that kind of evil for as long as she was has effected her body for sure. In the end I believe in the laws of the Universe, karma and believe that good will win in the end, and your mom is good, and so are you and your sis.

Last edited by asearcher : 27-07-2022 at 05:46 PM.
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  #7  
Old 31-07-2022, 03:02 PM
Greenslade Greenslade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PecaS
can anyone give me knowledge, wisdom, help??
Deal with this incarnation in the context of this incarnation, otherwise you're heading for a mental health issue. It was what it was, you're feeling the trauma and you're looking for answers that might alleviate it or help you understand. The mind is very capable of creating all kinds of rhyme and reason just to fill a void and frankly sometimes it doesn't make sense.

I'd think that a mental health professional would have a field day with your father. Do yourself a favour and find a way to resolve your feelings because if you don't, all you'll be left with is inner demons that you can't get rid of. Believe me when I tell you that harbouring all of that emotion that you likely have inside you will only hurt you and, by extension, the people around you. It's likely that your father behaved the way he did because of his experiences and an inability to resolve them.

Looking to resolve what was created by what is not Spirituality by using Spirituality is not very wise at all. If you can't cope, go speak to a therapist and specifically a cognitive behaviour therapist. They'll help you 'dismantle' the framework that created your issues in the first place. It worked for me under very similar circumstances.
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  #8  
Old 09-08-2022, 01:39 PM
kris kris is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PecaS
but he does state that we have these soul groups or families
Notwithstanding Brain Weiss, I think there is nothing permanent about soul groups. Such groups form and dissipate as we interact with each other, resulting in formation and breakages of karmic linkages. Hence letting go is always better than holding a grudge against anyone.
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