Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

so
im also able
to accept when I'm wrong
now
that was a hard one

I can also
handle
a little of
feeling misunderstood

that was a big deal
because
I thought
only by being completely understood
could I avoid being mistreated!

so i would always be
explaining
everything
I thought
in minute detail
lol...

yeah
and that worked out
so very very well
for a me
lol

well
it seems
i have been doing
just a little bit more
than sitting here
complaining about my lot
for all these years

*twinkle*

[FallingLeaves]

im not supposed
to be talking
about people
I guess...

but maybe
if I just say my feelings
on a particular topic?

it isn't that
I'm not buying into
a certain idea
just
what can i do with it?

I don't really know
anything about
a certain person
whose name came up
in recent conversation
beyond some images
from years ago

but I don't really
feel like
googling the name
just to get a PR view
anyway

i will say though
that some of the synchronicities
I've been getting
lately
make more sense
in light of that name...

i had been struggling
with some of them...

[FallingLeaves]

once the whole thing
about counseling/advice
came up

I remembered
I really
don't want
to be doing
either one of those things.

So,
back to watching my tongue...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i also think
there is another certain road
it is time
to quit going down...

[FallingLeaves]

so um
after some minor head spinning
I'm back to
I'm being teased
once again...

before i got there though
I was off wondering
about it being real
and wondering
would I even want that?

that is the problem
it isn't real
just more daydreams
nothing solid

and even if it were solid
somehow real
accepting it
would disrupt my own life
in so many ways...

and the default behavior
when I accept things
sight unseen
just to have them
is to go back to limerence
anyway....

and i don't want that either...

and then there is the fact
I never liked
being so far out in the cold
that everyone has to speak past me
just to speak to me...

but if that is the way it is now
that is the way it will continue to be in the future

and I don't really want that either.

So we have a situation
which isn't real to begin with
and even if it were real
there is no good reason
for a me
to want to accept it

*nothing to gain and everything to lose.*

guess i gotta rethink
what I am doing
some more...