Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

hi jazzy =

thank you about the name. I was going for something calm and restful as opposed to something bristling with activity and that is what I decided on...

[FallingLeaves]

hide and seek. hm.
---------------------------------------
at some point
he gave in
and understood
'my credibility rating is a little low'

and decided
there was no real reason
to say everything
that crossed his mind
any more...

they wouldn't buy
it
anyway
lol
--------------------------------------------
but
he has been moving
furniture around
for many years
anyway
even though
he's had to do it alone
----------------------------------------
so later
he gave in on another topic

accepting
that he should not expect
to have things
just because he wants them

and that is so peachy keen now!

many of the things he wanted
weren't worth having
as it turns out
and if he'd had to keep
grasping at them
it would have been more
just more rat race
only in the spiritual world

but even for those things
that are desirable
by accepting
it isn't always
right
to have what one wants
he was able to give in
on many other
points as well...

and from that
he's got
an incredible view
of just how stupid he's been
across his lifetimes

and he also earned a lot of other stuff
as well
that you just never see
when you are lost
in the web
of endlessly
trying to obtain things.

that one change
had a lot of ripple.
----------------------------------------
there is a lot of other stuff
that got moved around
as well...

[FallingLeaves]

not that anything
could ever work
between us

lol

-------------------------------------------------
truth be told
i kinda don't mind
any more
when people think me silly

in some ways it can be a relief

although it can also be
disconcerting
as
i used to think
with all my heart
I had to be
considered to be
serious
or else
blah blah blah...

now i still act serious
a lot of times
but
my expectations
for the results
aren't too high
any more
lol

and if my seriousness
gets ignored
i try not to be
too upset...

honestly
sometimes
I wish I could make myself
entirely stop...
-------------------------------------------------
sometimes i've been wondering
if it wouldn't be nice
to let all that go -

and just be a ditzy female?

yeah and i'm going
to try to be a ditzy female
by being serious
in pursuit of that endeavor
lol

another one of those things
that ends as soon as it begins...

so that is
another one of those things
I don't guess
I'll ever get to taste
I guess...

way too stuck
in pretending to be
serious
to ever let it go
I suppose
lol
--------------------------------------------------
well there has been a lot of talk
about how
i've always liked
to throw fits
as of late...

sigh...

i guess there is no point saying
anything more on that topic...

you wouldn't believe me anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------
but i do get mad
at my computer!

It is way too slow!

[FallingLeaves]

when i was young
i knew how bad
this was gonna be
and I just wanted to die
and avoid the whole thing

later
about the time i met you
i had finally found some space
and i was trying to heal

but you didn't let me
and after that it got bad again

and i only wanted to be rescued
from a new horror

now i'm like..
all that was like
just running away
trying to seek death...

i think now
even the way
i was going about healing
well it would just have been
another horror
if you would have let me do it
so once i thought
im thankful that you didn't.

i don't know
what the future holds
but
i'm not unhappy
with life as it is.
--------------------------------------------------------
at this point
i'm no longer seeking death...
but nor am I grasping at a perfect life.
--------------------------------------------------------
i think
maybe, somehow
those two statements
are saying
exactly the same thing.
--------------------------------------------------------
well i'll try to shut up now lol....

[jazzy911]

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?
Because he wanted to get a long little doggy.

Sorry....

[FallingLeaves]

hehehehe that was funny...

[FallingLeaves]

well
he thinks
that even though
even on the world stage
often
person A
wants to hurt
person B
and person B
definitely gets indignant
about
how hurt they are
when this is allowed
to happen

so there is a lot of
making things
steadily more controlled...
so that each side can for a time
lord it over the other

and then the tables turn...

none of this matters though
because
in my view
god
was serious
when he said
this place
was constructed
in such a way
that it would confound
even what the wise
think appropriate
---------------------------------------------
there are other scriptures
that basically say
the fact
of all such activites
are in line
with the plan of god
simply because
it pleased him to make it that way

and personally I have seen enough
to feel like
such things
always work out
for the best
for all parties
anyway

regardless of what the people
want to say
about
whatever they think is happening
today
-----------------------------------------------------------
Does that mean
it is necessarily
somehow ideal
or even
a good idea
to continue on
the way we've been going?

personally
i don't think so
but
I feel like
you are not going to get
person A
to quit hurting
person B
by having
person B
try to hurt
person A
back

the way our wisdom
says is so good.

fights breed more fights...

but this is only desirable
for you
if you are one of the ones
who loves
the thrill of the fight
-----------------------------------------------
but that is part of the point

without this mess
being
exactly what it is

those of us who dislike fighting
might get our way
and force
those who love it
to give it up

so instead
we are forced
to fight back

instead of just doing
what god has told his people to do
all along
and just trust
in the ways of god
-----------------------------------------------------
and there is a lot more stuff
we all think of as 'wise'
that we would have each other do

but it seems like god might be saying
this idea
that we should make others be
who we want them to be
just isn't worth anything
in the end...

and this is
one of my own
things
I've been desperately trying to learn

that maybe
all the things
i just instinctively do
to try to tell others
who to be

just to make myself feel better

are just more silliness
and not something
desirable to god

[FallingLeaves]

it is true
the main reason for shutting up
is to protect myself
from all sorts
of shenanigans
that other people undertake
if I simply say a word.

but at the same time
i now kinda see other reasons
to like it.
-------------------------------------------
meanwhile
I've learned
that I can't always
protect myself
anyway...

which is a whole other subject,
---------------------------------------------------
worlds of possibilities opened up
that I first realized that
and simply began
to understand
that i'm gonna hurt sometimes
and i can;t stop that
and that means
it is ridiculous
to build my life
around trying.
---------------------------------------------------------------
so now i talk sometimes
but i hold my tongue others...

which probably wouldn't be possible
for a me
if I hadn't had such strict training
in what it means
to simply not emote...

[FallingLeaves]

well sweetie
so many times
I've heard empty words

when i first did
i was mad
because
this is always
the way it is

now i sorta understand
about empty words
sweet nothings
and even in small ways
it is a bit of a comfort
just to hear something
really anything lol

im not sure right now
what I think about it
beyond that

i know once i wanted stuff
now im not so sure i do
but at the same time
it isn't quite comfortable
to be living this way...

[FallingLeaves]

one of the things
that crossed his mind
one day in the past
was

this whole idea
that there must be
one and only one
true place or thing
corresponding to
any given story
even in science
or in history
is just absurd.

Everyone knows
that everyone else
likes to copy off each other
so much so
there are laws regulating
who is allowed to profit
from copies of things
and who isn't

and in fact
there seems to be
a rich understory
to copying
that one
could even make a science out of
if one dared study it
longer than to note
that people like to do it
and shouldn't.

this seems to me
like a major part of reality
that goes underconsidered.

Ever heard of fractal images?

Anyway
as an example
on some thread
somewhere
there is discussion
of
the tower of babel.

two ideas are posited
about what it was
and perhaps where it was

and the nature of the world
says
one must choose
one or the other;
one can't have both.

But what if
one
is an echo
of the other?

And thus both are different renderings
of the same thing
in the same way that
two artists
might paint
the same scene
differently?

wouldn't that make both of them
valid renditions
of the same thing?