Stuck and depressed

[kingdomofmushroom]

I am very unfulfilled right now. I gave myself heart disease because I went off my medication and went nuts, so nuts that I wouldn't let myself breathe right. This went on for five years and later for five months. It was worse more recently. I can't believe I did this to myself. I can't exercise like I used to. I went for a bike ride the other day and it gave me chest pains and I felt tightness in my chest. I had difficulty breathing afterwards.

My mother who helps me financially because I'm disability. However she is a set back in other ways. I talk about going into a group home because I can't stand how lonely I am and isolated. She bullies me by saying I'm already in the right place and a group home is not for me. Every time I bring this up she gets angry. I will also be gaining weight from my psychiatric medication. This will be bad for my heart. Especially since I can't drive and have to walk everywhere. Including up a big hill to get home.

To top it all off sometimes I hear demonic voices saying they want to do harm to me. This is why I was breathing wrong when I went of my medication. I thought it was them killing me when in reality I was killing myself. The voices didn't help.

I don't know what to do to make things better. As I sit here it's a boring Sunday with no bus service as well as other services being closed. I'm lonely. Socializing is hard for me because I have autism so I have no idea how to connect with people. People don't seem all that interested in me anyway. I dream of running away. Not from things but running to something. But I know hitch hiking is dangerous so I never do. I just do the same things every day. Dreaming of a different result.

[kris]

You may want to take a look at Dr Esselstyn.

[Native spirit]

You need to go and speak to your doctors they would know of a group setting for you to attend,
which is like a therapy.
this could be beneficial for you


Namaste