I took a step I've been avoiding for over 20 years

[NoxAeonsl]

This was a huge healing step for me. I have a very distant and awkward relationship with my mother. I never really truly knew her. She had me when she was in her late teens, and she definitely wasn't ready to be a mother, and I don't think she really wanted to be one, either. So she was never around much, sometimes leaving my brother and I alone for literal weeks at a time. I'll spare you all the details, but basically, this has been an elephant in the room for my entire life. I'm about to turn 33, and I'm just so tired of carrying this weight and turmoil. I finally told her how hurt I am by the way I was raised, and I explained that I don't often call her because hearing her voice or seeing her just makes me feel awful and very sad.

She apologized but did not take responsibility. Essentially, she let me know that I'm an adult now and I'm responsible for how I feel. She's not wrong, but I do wish she would have acknowledged more of the things that I said. But either way, I felt a huge weight off my chest. It is still uncomfortable to talk to her - I'm not healed overnight - but I do feel a lot better. This was the first step towards forgiving her, so that I can finally be free of this awful feeling in my gut that I've had for most of my life.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with someone :) Thanks for reading.

[Blue Tiger]

I'm so glad you got that off your chest, and found some release from doing so.

My mother was cold, distant, and totally uncomfortable with children. We were never close, and I have no warm, fuzzy childhood memories. Unlike you, though, I never got a chance to tell her how I felt while she was living. Honestly I didn't know how to explain that feeling of emptiness.

Kudos to you. It would have been nice if your mother had acknowledged more of your pain, but I guess it just is what it is.

I've worked things out with my mother after her death. Not ideal, but it worked to set me free from depression and feelings of being abandoned.

Sending you strength and encouragement.

[AngelBlue]

Well done for taking the step. It's a brave thing to do.
I've had issues with both of my parents growing up. Like you too much to go into detail. But I finally opened up to my uncle ( my dad's brother) and he was visibly shaken and upset .
I begged him not to say anything to my dad, but he did, and it didn't change anything . If anything it made everything worse and my dad would make barbed comments in my presence with regard to this.
My dad has never said sorry and over the years I have tried to talk to him, but he flatly refuses.
He is in a hospital bed now at home, too weak and frail to walk.
If he could manage to whisper "sorry" , just once, it would make everything better , but I don't think he will.
I saw him this week. I gave him a kiss and he just said "look after yourself ".
"Sorry"...
Or
"I love you" would have been music to my ears and closure.

You are not alone with these issues with parents. There are many of us on here with similar stories. So even if you can't talk to your mum you can certainly talk to us.

[txsha]

Thank you for sharing, with us and with your mom. It is really difficult, and very brave, to share those deeper vulnerabilities.

I wish she had taken some responsibility as well, or done more to soothe you. But we all grow at our own pace, I suppose. Maybe she will in her own time.

I am glad this took a weight off your chest and heart.

Welcome...... Yes that was a big step!!!!!!

Well done! That was a big step!

[NoxAeonsl]

Thank you to everyone for the well wishes and support :)

[saurab]

Originally Posted by NoxAeonsl

This was a huge healing step for me. I have a very distant and awkward relationship with my mother.

You have done well to take the first step towards forgiving your mother. But what you really want in your heart, IMO is to recreate your childhood in your imagination, with your mother taking care of you, like is the case with most children. So to have that experience while you are an adult, you can register at a social service organization that takes care of the aged. What can relly help is a good relationship with a mother like figure.