Love vs Logic... Moving Forward

[002 Cents]

My husband and I have had a rough year.

For a few months we were even dating other people. Both of our relationships were online. Both of us fell in love with these other people. Even though that is all behind us at this point, we may still end up getting divorced because of a rift on my end that may never be mended. And it is sad because we are amazing as a team. We have made a great life together, we are raising some wonderful kids.

But, I don't know if I can ever love him again like I used to.

Now, I am struggling with a division in my heart. For some God forsaken reason, I am still in love with one of the other men I dated while we were seeing other people. I still feel a tremendous pull towards him even though I know we have both moved on. And I know he is no good for me.

Anyhow, I keep trying to use metaphors, logic and statistical probabilities to keep myself on track. (possibly in part because of the Aspergers)


I figure, when I started dating my husband there was a solid 82% compatibility with an 93% chance at success and a minimal risk factor.

Whereas now, we are about at about 80% compatibility with a 72% chance at success and a slightly larger risk factor.

With this other guy there is only about 27% compatibility with a 20% chance at success and a tremendous risk factor.

It's like, if life is a massive ocean, my husband is like taking it on with a sturdy barge vs this other guy who is like taking it on with a paddle and not so much as a stray piece of driftwood.


So, what idiotic part of my brain is so insistent on keeping me prisoner to this attraction?

In a response about online love in another thread, I defined it as a form of psychosis. I tell myself if I knew him in person I wouldn't have this hangup. All of these incompatibility issues would be very real and the little feel goods of him being kind or attentive wouldn't be enough to make my brain fall out of my head.

So illogical!

I'm not saying I want to be rid of him we are amazing as friends. And friends are like life vests. Not enough to make a life on but enough to keep you afloat until you figure something out.

My husband is committed to this, to us and trying to make this work. At least he says he is and I really want to believe that. I think that is another huge factor in me not being able to let the wall down. The first time he asked me to trust him again it was easy. It was everything I wanted and everything I had been hoping for since things had gone bad between us. The second and third only got harder. Now it is the fourth time and I feel like as a human being he is the kind of man I should be able to put my faith into. But at the same time, I just keep going, "You gotta look out for you. No one else can protect your heart the way you can. Don't let him hurt you again."

Now if only I could get my stupid brain to quit trying to make a barge out of a life vest we would be all set.

Wisdom welcome.