Is this the right or wrong thing to do?

I have spent years after one incident after another trying to explain my point of view, my hurt to my luv and he would say he would get it to only the next time do the same or the similar thing all over again.

Then one day I decided to change approach. I would seek the opportunity and I would manipulate and do the very same he had done to me, now to him. He would have a strong reaction to it and he would later on tell me that now he got it how I had felt before. He would himself without me having said anything put the incident/s in the past on to the recent incident done on him.

Still it has felt each and every time as if I have done something bad and while I do it I don't enjoy it for a second. It has felt as if I am no better. Actually worse. Feel as if I am fighting someone in the mud. Especially the manipulation part, and seeing his reaction. I don't like it at all.

I have also told him that I have done what I have done deliberately as part of trying to get my point across and that I didn't really mean it. And apologized, of course.

Here are few things:

- he would enable, allow his narc parent to treat me badly and to shut me out from "family gatherings". My family first decided we would treat him the same I guess to show we were not like that so he was always welcomed and never excluded. All I could tell that did was that he could have a look of quilt but he would still go ahead and do everything the narc parent said, everyone would more or less, the ruler of the family. Then one day I had had enough. I withdrew. I excluded him the way he had allowed me to be excluded. I could tell he would get the same reaction/s I used to have.

-Another is that he complained about me gaining weight. I would then, not too close in time at all, find something physical about him to question, complain about. Worked like magic.

-He would complain that he thought I was disrespectful about how I handled all my calls and text messages on my cellphone while I was busy working or taking care of everything else. I handed over everything. It only took him a day or two to tell me he had not understood how intense it had been and how I could have handled work at the same time and everything else. He apologized.

[utopiandreamchild]

As long as your acting out of love what your doing can only be right. What's wrong is acting out of hate, hate is wrong and destructive.
Arohanui utopia

[astralsuzy]

Originally Posted by asearcher

he would enable, allow his narc parent to treat me badly and to shut me out from "family gatherings".

If I was treated like that I would not go to the family gatherings. I would not put up with it. It would be horrible and stressful.

Thank you both very much. I really did not want to do some things, but as I could not get across with words I felt I had to.

Yes, thank you Astralsuzy, it was not fun at all.


my luv went along with it but while doing so it must have caught up with him that he was being manipulated. Or that is how I saw it.

Then one day, he said suddenly, that he would not do this again (go without me, or us). I had felt insecure throughout, but my insecurity was about how my luv really felt for me, why he let himself be played with like this.

When he suddenly said "I won't go" and "I will never do this again" I realized he had by himself given this a lot of thought.I think I had to let this run it's course, my luv had to go through this on his own. Til this day he has refused to participate and says if it ever comes up again that I am excluded that he won't go, we won't go.

[astralsuzy]

It was good your love said it will not happen again etc. Hopefully it will never happen again.

Thank you again for the support, Astralsuzy .