Forgiveness

[inavalan]

Forgive those people who have caused harm in your life. Forgiveness, however, is a misunderstood concept. Thanks to self-help and new age movements, it is often thought to be about accepting what has happened to you. No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to accept what a person has done to you. It just means that you are not willing to carry the emotional burden caused by that person anymore.

Even realizing this, there are some people who are not willing to forgive people in their lives. But think of it this way: you are only doing this to yourself. By constantly thinking about revenge and what that person did to you, those people have already won. In reality, the best revenge is indifference. You just don’t allow these people to continue to hurt you or make any difference in your life.

[HITESH SHAH]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Forgive those people who have caused harm in your life. Forgiveness, however, is a misunderstood concept. Thanks to self-help and new age movements, it is often thought to be about accepting what has happened to you. No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to accept what a person has done to you. It just means that you are not willing to carry the emotional burden caused by that person anymore.

Even realizing this, there are some people who are not willing to forgive people in their lives. But think of it this way: you are only doing this to yourself. By constantly thinking about revenge and what that person did to you, those people have already won. In reality, the best revenge is indifference. You just don’t allow these people to continue to hurt you or make any difference in your life.

Forgiveness is an important virtue the importance of which is stressed in almost all cultures. Indeed carrying a grudge against someone for long time is more punishment to self than anybody else .

While there is no undenying the importance of fogiveness , its application can still be situational and deserves following points of consideration.

1. Forgiveness of powerful who can inflict equal if not more collateral damage /pain to the perpetrators of wrong/evil is praise worthy. Normal cases where people have no option but to accept the wrong should not be allowed to be sold or /eulogized as virtue of forgiveness.
2. Intensity / severity/ implications of wrong or evil done must also be taken into account . If forgiveness sets a wrong precedent of doing first wrong and then asking for forgiveness , it must not and should not be used .
3. While forgiving also one should know that wrong doers have repentance and have no hidden desire to repeat it . Forgiving wrong person other innocents may have to pay the price later.

[Native spirit]

To forgive is only the begining and as much as you say it does not mean you really believe it.
some things people go through to ask them to forgive would stick in their throats some things run to deep.

But i have always said forgiving is easy forgetting is a different ball game.


Namaste

Originally Posted by inavalan

Forgive those people who have caused harm in your life. Forgiveness, however, is a misunderstood concept. Thanks to self-help and new age movements, it is often thought to be about accepting what has happened to you. No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to accept what a person has done to you. It just means that you are not willing to carry the emotional burden caused by that person anymore.

Even realizing this, there are some people who are not willing to forgive people in their lives. But think of it this way: you are only doing this to yourself. By constantly thinking about revenge and what that person did to you, those people have already won. In reality, the best revenge is indifference. You just don’t allow these people to continue to hurt you or make any difference in your life.

I could not agree more.
My sentiments exactly ...
Holding onto all of that is what keeps us in the black hole
In order to climb out, towards the light we need to let go...
As you correctly say...
To cling into their wrongdoing, is the pain we hold that stops us from moving on.
...........

[Altair]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Forgive those people who have caused harm in your life. Forgiveness, however, is a misunderstood concept. Thanks to self-help and new age movements, it is often thought to be about accepting what has happened to you. No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to accept what a person has done to you. It just means that you are not willing to carry the emotional burden caused by that person anymore.

Even realizing this, there are some people who are not willing to forgive people in their lives. But think of it this way: you are only doing this to yourself. By constantly thinking about revenge and what that person did to you, those people have already won. In reality, the best revenge is indifference. You just don’t allow these people to continue to hurt you or make any difference in your life.

Very interesting perspective. I want to believe it's true but it's easier said than done, as indifference can quickly become ''just let it slip''. Some people deserve punishment because they commit a crime, such as murder. How does indifference serve in that case? The above perspective implies a rational coldness to problems and I'm not sure that can always be reached.

[Moonglow]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Forgive those people who have caused harm in your life. Forgiveness, however, is a misunderstood concept. Thanks to self-help and new age movements, it is often thought to be about accepting what has happened to you. No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to accept what a person has done to you. It just means that you are not willing to carry the emotional burden caused by that person anymore.

Even realizing this, there are some people who are not willing to forgive people in their lives. But think of it this way: you are only doing this to yourself. By constantly thinking about revenge and what that person did to you, those people have already won. In reality, the best revenge is indifference. You just don’t allow these people to continue to hurt you or make any difference in your life.

I feel that there is a bit of a misunderstanding in regards to “forgiving” someone.
I relate to it not saying that the wrong/hurt/ whatever may have been done or inflicted is OK, but releasing myself from the pain and control the other may have tried to have over me.

I agree it is releasing oneself from carrying the burden or emotions connected to the offense.

There is still the responsibility of the other who may have or had committed the offense/hurt/damage to make amends or show some sort of acknowledgement and responsibility, IMO.

This may not mean that it is all right or justified. Means there is a recognition and respect there. Also doesn’t mean it will be forgotten or there will be trust towards the person. Just that I no longer give the person power over me and it is on them (so to speak).

It is tricky and emotions are a strong force. For me it is redirecting the emotions and placing experiences in their proper context.

Sure, some things in my book cause mistrust, but I don’t need to continue to punish myself by carrying the pain caused. To find ways to heal the pain and learn that those people are not to be trusted.

Doesn’t mean it is forgotten, but take it as lessons learned, IMO.

[lemex]

Originally Posted by HITESH SHAH

While forgiving also one should know that wrong doers have repentance and have no hidden desire to repeat it . Forgiving wrong person other innocents may have to pay the price later.

This particular thought should not be part of forgiving. The reference of repentance is not about forgiveness. Is forgiving about conditions. Forgiving isn't only about one person being right and the other person being wrong. It is about healing for both. If a person asks for forgiveness would it be given if repentance weren't attached. Many people hang on to old memories and an illusion. This is the first question, are we talking about something that no longer happens where we think we can forgive. I must say I like the point made, forgiveness applies when asked and as said it is not just about accepting what is done but also was done. It is about change. Often we are talking about two conditions, not only one.

[inavalan]

Can Mohammad Anwar's family forgive? Can I forgive?

video: pic.twitter.com/whYKcPlChh

photo: https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/13758...png&name=small

Just to be clear, I'm talking about forgiving everybody responsible for that tragedy: parents, educators, activists, politicians, voters who elected them, members of the media, ... Too many? That doesn't make them less guilty.

Two days later another two kids 13, 14 years old, were arrested for carjacking; also in D.C..

[utopiandreamchild]

Good things happen to good people. Don't allow what others do make you turn to hate. Hate is self destructive and wrong. Amen

[pdizzle45]

Its often troublesome, trying to separate forgiveness from accepting somebody intimately into your life, since forgiveness is in itself intimate. To forgive is to let go of what is being held inside, that is not worth your energy worrying about somebody else. Spend that time on yourself, what is it about you that you like about yourself, and and are we holding onto that is not worth that which we like about our self.