are there front door/s you can't open from the inside? or is it mental, spiritual?

Hi!

I understand if this thread gets deleted. I don't know where to place it. This is most likely the wrong place for it.

Background story to this thread is that I have huge memory-blanks from a previous relationship.

There is something that has returned. To be fair I use to have a glimpse of it before, but now it is as iif I know more.
The glimpse of before is that I sat with my back against a wall in bed while he was asleep. My eyes were looking in the direction of the front door. It was night. I thought of going out. Leaving. That is what I wanted to do. But knew or feared the reaction from it. I was afraid of him, but not one to ever admit to that. To my (poor...)memory he still stands out as the most unpleasant person I ever had to deal with.

What has been added is the knowing that I could not - for reasons I simply can't remember - open the locked front door from the inside. To me - that does not sound right. We had to get out sooner or later, right? You should have a front door you can open from the inside, right?

There is too another short memory of him explaining about the front door, what now was so special about it.

I have googled and tried to become real practical about this, but turns out I am even more stupid than I already thought about this and has not yet got hold of information that could explain if my memory is right or not.

I have thought if it is not a true memory - or true "Knowing" about the front door.

When I came "crawling out", which is a rather good description, out of this relationship I tried to keep my head on straight, but with lots of lack of sleep because of bad flashbacks from the relationship and at first the relief that he was letting me go, to then understand that, no, he was not I got something called stress reaction. I was not hallucinating. I was not fabricating. I was not confused. Or so the specialist/s judged my condition at the time.

I don't even want to ask around people in my life about the front door becaue they are going to ask "Why?". The only individual that was told what happened (what caused the bad flashbacks) was to be the future father of my child and I would never have told him if he had not on his own been conserned that something bad had happened to me, and he has always been an angel about this.

I just need to know if this was an actual memory, or what if my brain like mentally, or even spiritually metafore for something meant - I could not open it? What's that about?

I just remember the "knowing", like a practical information knowing kind, that I could not open the front door from the inside and that I knew this and that he was asleep. That he knew I could not. When he had explained to me about the door before, I just remember looking at the door and his arms, hands are somewhat behind a veil to me because I don't see his face ever, there is something always in the way, not just the arms, hands. But when he explained he was just being of practical mind, it was not a threatening scene of any kind, but still I can't fully see him. I know it's him. I know too it is his voice when explaining, but still it is remembered differently than others.

Does anyone know? If so I would really like to know. And again sorry i I have placed this all wrong or it should not be a thread to start with, sorry about that.

[lostsoul13]

The locked door in your memory could be a subconscious way of dealing with things - that your not trapped because you know about it- that there has to be a special way for you to unlock it and that door only you know how to unlock it? Could mean further things- you felt trapped and numb for some unknown reason? Could be a meaning with the relationship? Or hold meaning to how things were? Or how you don't want to see him in some other light because of your connections with him? I know my trapped door is also significant to my twin flame journey and death- there is a trapped door where you can't unlock it from the inside to diminish the pain and the growth but secretly it opens and can be broken- or at least can be modified to open- there has to be an answer... It's a difficult physiologist pun-

Thank you so very much Lostsoul13. I hope things turn out alright with your twin flame.

There was some trouble about the keys to his place.

I do think like you say that there was a mental, spiritual meaning behind the meaning of the door, why it came now, thank you for explaining.