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my father 'was' ...a very good friend that agreed to make .
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(edited my answer as it was too long)
Hi, thank you very much for trying to make me feel better and see the bigger picture, I know you mean well.
Wonderful that you were able to end it well emotionally, spiritually, when understanding what it was all about. Sorry you had to go through all that only.
I have some thinking to do.
See, a type (male) that seem crazy-attracted to me are the types that already are or will be dominant, there will just be this unbalance there. It just keeps happening. There is something there with the energy, chemistry.
In my past life I had been married to a man like that but he was not the one to kill me off, another man was - but he had the same qualities, only worse in him. When I finally found a photograph of him - it blew my mind because it was the man I had remembered. And the same type! Always
that type! It drives me nuts. I use to say I had imagined him (being in my nightmares when I was a child), they would tell me that, that he wasn't real. But he was.
I have wondered where he (his spirit) went to. He got away with what he did, of course. He did confess to parts that he had done, where he could not escape, but he would too change his statements (which I understand drove her family and ex husband crazy), but not the rest of it. That stays hidden.
When I found him and researched on him the man who killed me off died the very year I was reborn, I was reborn few years after my death. I dont know if he did it to himself, or natural, but I could see one thing both our deaths had in common. I would say a substance that could cause this and he knew that. Or someone else was figuring it out and did the same to him?
Could it be I was reborn - just to try to get the away from him?
See, I don't remember no heaven and making a deal to be reborn. I do remember still being in spirit and watching what was happening afterwards and has prove to back me up too about it. Could it have been that when he went in spirit and found me - and I went no way, I'm getting out of here?
This was a man of high intelligence, superior, dominant, very well educated - respected within the community (which did not work well for me when I was found dead, ah the frustration from it). What he put in my body to make me die, he could have put in his too and it would have resulted in the same way.
What I think went wrong in the marriage she had, her longest relationship, was that he had decided as his wife I was to be this creation of his and live in the shadows, while he would have it all. It was not that he was interested in other women, even if I think he had an appreciation of them but he knew where to draw the line, but he had so much going on in his professional life and his interests and his buddies - that that alone was cramping out from one life only. I think he was raised to become that selfish, actually. That he felt entitled.
We did not have the normal family life I think I was craving for. I dont think I cared about the money, about career in that way. But maybe that was easy to say when you had the money.
He did value family time, and I do believe he wanted to be a married man, I knew he would take me, alone, out with him on vacations to try to fix, patch up our marriage, but all and all - he was a type who did not take no for an answer - and it was hard for me to get my voice heard. He was too strong. And that has been my difficulty in the relationships I have been in - they are too strong compared to me. Not listening.
I knew he loved me, or perhaps the idea of me, and he did not think I had reason enough to split and "destroy our family". I was afraid of his responce, and his revenge - and it did came.
I think in the area where I lived in my past life it was more or less cramped with these kind of men, other men were there too, but again it was that kind - that specific kind - that was so set on me. That kind of chemistry going on.
I had fallen for it again and again and then some part into the relationship thinking hey, wait a minute!
I have done some real digging into her death, and was both shocked and baffled when finally a report came that was aquarate to my memories. It stated a friend of her had said the truth - that we had broken up before. It wasnt so what he had said: That we were in love. That we were still a couple. We had broken up!
They could not find a motive, there was a clear motive - he was angry and jealous. And he was the type who did not take no for an answer either. I was screaming at him to get out, still he would not get out. The neighbours heard it I was to read! it was a fight.
I certainly did not die as a result from the last boyfriend and I fighting and me telling him to get out. There was this idea that I would have been so upset about it I would then try to take my own life or that it had been a cry for help.
I have too read that when this happened, the police force had been cut down for financial struggles, and I guess they were hardly given the time and space they needed to do the proper job they could have else have done. They were on to him - but it did not go all the way.
This was too the times all kinds of pills and drugs, injections, were out on the market - how to prove when one is dead - I did not take it willingly but that he forced it on me by him and he watched the effect from it?
But again and again - it is as if these sort of men don't suffer the same way! What are they made of? Iron? Seriously, what are they made of? When I think it is more than enough, can't take more of the dysfunction, the pain, they are like but we just gotten started (Eh - what?), why keep coming back - don't come back. Bad idea.
I know I was very sensitive in that life, as well as in this one, and then go for guys who are just not built the same way. And we keep colliding. And still that energy there - what is it doing there?
It makes them come back when they should go the opposite direction, we're not right for each other. We weren't then and we aren't now.
Anyways, in this life too - similar story goes, it was especially obvious when I was in a relationship with a psychopath. I dont want that type to keep invading and messing up my life, or even ending my life as it did back then, even if that sounds nuts, it shouldn't be able to happen again.
I know I am in this complaining-mood right now, but it is as if I am in this car and it keeps going around in circles instead of going straight forward - where I should be.
Linear Mode
