reaction from emotion? or something else?

A very long time now there has been no activity where I live where we in the past use to really struggle surprisingly much with this.

Then suddenly yesterday when I was with a child playing the lamps began to flicker like real bad above us. I just said it could be because we soon have to shift the bulb. And we kept playing. Then as I went into another room close by, the child then began calling. Said"Did you hear that?" And began calling for another grown up (thinking this person opened the front door) . I went to check, but there was no one there. The child said it sounded as if something or someone had fallen or something breaking. I had not heard it. I could not find anything. And the subject was changed. I've learned to keep my cool, especially around kids, in the past when things would happen as I did not want anyone frighten. Later in the day footsteps was heard walking above us. And it was particurly moving around the same area where the lamps had gone crazy earlier. I ignored it but children and friends has a way of commenting on it, knowing we are not upstairs at all. That noone is.

Before, even when playing, I was still somewhat under the effect of if, to dare to go out to and use social media. I have not used it for years. I thought it was called for to not before. I used the "no contact"-approach after the break up from some guy and that included social media. Any channels that could be strangled was.

Now, when a change has come into my life, I thought it would be more necessary for me to be more active, using social media, but turns out this became an emotional trigger, as if I had a phobia, which surprised me as I thought I had moved on a long time ago and tried to in a logic way tell myself it is safe now, that all of this happened a long time ago. No need to be that careful no more. There has been no contact between me and this ex ever since the break up years before. He did try. It got to be intense at one point or another during or after the break up. I changed my life and got away. There were years of silence and then when I made one brief, carefully though out appearance in the old gang having been reasured he would not be there, it began again. And with a bang, not carefully, but as if it was only yesterday. And I think that was what I found scary. I still played according to my old "no contact" strategedy. There is no real happening to why my trigger has been released with such sudden force, bringing it back by just the thought of going out on social media. I have tried to get back to the balance I was in before getting the idea in my head that I had to go "out there" (social media).

Could my inner stress about this effect lamps and sounds? Or could it be someone visiting? Is it likely to be of a negative nature? Linked to him?

I think I have burried what ever happened between us without having fulfiled psychiatric treatment for it, as I thought I was fine and because I felt so much better and only wanted to move on with my life. I came in the psychiatrist's office like some mess around the time of the break up. The ex had guilt tripped me throughout the relationship. I was very insecure. I was afraid I had become afraid of him during the relationship, but I don't know if he knew that. It is possible he did not know fear and that he could not read fear in my face, eyes. He would ask things t hat people don't ask as people in general terms can see that in body language or face expressions. He was intelligent, well educated, without a criminal history, had a nice family, was nice. I had no clue what was going on. It was difficult for me to process what had actually happened to me, mentally, during the relationship. I was young, we had no children. But unlucky in a different way - as I understood that I had to shift life, to get away from him. I had to say goodby to a lot of people I cared about. They did not understand. They were hurt. Or at least some of them. But I had no choice. I cared for them too, of course. It was for my mental survival. I could not afford to have him that close. I could not take another chapter of it. He was persisting. The psychiatrist said he was a psychopath. That what had happened to me was mental abuse. Afterwards I felt ashamed and wondered why I was so stupid.

During the relationship I have lots of blanks, but do remember that I had to find a way to shut down, to not show my feelings, and become automatic. I had left him one time (can't remember why for the life of me, lots of blanks). I can't say when he started to break me down. One thing he would do was to be hot-cold. He would be nice, kind, after I had left him (which I found surprising) and then after I had returned and when I was relaxed he made this sudden shift on me. The cold. He let me know his style that he had not forgotten what I had done (leaving). He had not decided to let me off the hook. He had throughout things planned behind my back. Planned to be nice. And then ...Well. I remember how his eyes would look when the shift came in. This was a guy that til this day can make my hands tremble by themselves. I understand that what I write is not scary at all, but never the less it was scary enough for me. I do also know that I have been very lucky, victims of psychopaths usually pay a higher price. I did not think I would pay any price during, after the break up as I thought he did not care about me, was not in love with me no more. He did not treat me as if he was. He could not have cared if I was alive or dead. Perhaps his lack of interest, passion of me is what saved me to get away the way I did. Why the persecution was not more difficult than that.

I don't know if me learning back then to hold things inside of me could in return create poltergeist activity? And if such - this was a typical demonstration of it?

As I have blanks I don't remember if there were any noise of a person falling or something falling /breaking. Or lamps. Or steps like that.

I one time saw a medium and hoping it would connect to something else. But she did not. She began to tell me of this ex in particular. Details only I knew off. He is still alive so it wasn't that.

Too while I was in the relationship a close relative said to me it had a "very bad feeling" that it could not shake off - about him, about his surrounding, something he was connected too. This person would later become my life line. It had not been manipulated by him.

Throughout the relationship I was never as spiritually open as I was during that time, it was as if my spirit or the spirit world was trying to show me all kinds of warning signals, what was happening underneith.