my wife has found her twin flame

[Khalli]

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

what did i just read? i am sorry, but when twin enters your life, then you have no control over the situation. when you try to control, then the chasing, running comes. oh well, I guess a person who havent met their twin OR is completely rejected by their twin can only say this thing.

i am sorry, but this is not real what you are talking about. the emotions are 10000x deeper than usual, i wonder how come a "normal" person entering this can stay sane. its not our fault (human base) that we chose this but apparently we weirdos did that, so here we are.

I have to agree with this. I tried fighting but, that was just futile.

So now that I surrendered to it and took the chance telling Her, I found out it was mutual and life is grand again.
And it has been eye opening in just a few days on emotions/thoughts that I have buried for years that need to be dealt with.

[Aldous]

Google "inajarbythedoor unbearable twin" to find unbearable story (by inajarbythedoor 10-11-2002) in the Astrostar archives about an interesting story about a married woman realizing that her cousin was her twin later in life. I'm wondering if this is evidence that you have to be a certain age to recognize your twin.

[keokutah]

Originally Posted by cafedoc123

I think I have a somewhat unique problem related to the twin flame idea. No, I'm not looking for my TF nor have I found one. But my wife has. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.

A little background: my wife and I have been married for 10 years; we have a seven year old daughter together, and I am proud to be dad to her 2 other daughters (11 and 16). My wife is an incredibly spiritual person, far more advanced than I can ever hope to be. She is a certified life coach, and an artist. She has always been interested in exploring her spiritual side. I am constantly in awe of her maturity and depth of being.

Our marriage has always been solid. We are both faithful to one another and our family. We support each other in all that we do. About 2 years ago, she met a teacher at our daughter's school. He's kind of a neat guy, smart, well-liked by the students, and also a local musician of some renown. They began exchanging emails mostly about kids and school subjects, but also began to express to each other that they felt like they knew each other really well, and that there was some kind of connection. Nothing flirtatious or incriminating, but a deepening affection between them both. One night, while out with friends listening to music, they crossed paths, and he was suddenly distant and cold, telling her "I don't want any drama."

My wife was crushed. I knew something was off, and she told me what was going on and what she was feeling (I did not know about this before this event). She was completely open and honest about what she was feeling, even though she didn't really understand what it was at the time. Interestingly, the whole experience seemed to open a new level of intimacy for us, even though she basically told me she was in love with this guy.

Their relationship (if you can call it that) continued in this roller coaster fashion. He would be friendly and warm to her again (no further emails), only to suddenly pull back abruptly. My wife would alternate between these incredible highs and soul-crushing lows. I don't think she wanted to have an affair with this man, or leave our marriage; she was simply trying to understand why she had such an intense bond and reaction to this person. After some exploration, she has come to the conclusion that they must be Twin Flames.

Although this certainly explains a lot of what is going on with her internally, it has not led to any sort of resolution of the situation. It continues to be one of wild swings in emotion. My guess is that he probably has strong feelings for her, but because of his position at the school, is wisely (?) keeping himself distant. This hunch that I have about his feelings for her have recently been somewhat confirmed by a third party.

So, what? What's my issue? I am feeling a complicated set of emotions about this whole thing. I am not into polyamory or an open marriage. I don't want to share my wife with another man. It's a bit uncomfortable for me to think that my wife is involved in an emotional affair, albeit a one-sided one. On the other hand, I'm not as bothered by this as perhaps I should be. My wife is on cloud 9 when the "relationship" is good. She is very honest and open with me about the whole thing, and continues to reassure me that she is committed to me and our family and that she is not going anywhere. So, yes, I'm happy when she is happy, but this all seems so . . . weird.

tl;dr--my wife has found her twin flame in another man, and I'm not sure how to understand that. Any thoughts and observations would be appreciated.

Ready for my personal opinion about this?

No matter what spiritual words she uses, she's still cheating on you by falling in love with some other man. And in my opinion, that is not spiritual, that is harmful to you, to her kids and obviously to herself too.

If I was in your shoes and my wife was in love with some other guy, I would have a huge problem with it.

If I was in your shoes I would ask myself if I truly loved her and if she truly loved me.

And if she's seeking love in other places she doesn't love you enough or she's mentally unwell. Cheating with sex is at least understandable, because it's usually not about emotional attatchment. But your wife has formed a full on emotional attatchment to someone else which is a whole lot worse than just having sex with someone else.

Do you love her? Or are you just with her because of the kids? Did you get married too fast without truly loving eachother? If I was in that situation, I would ask myself those questions.

I would be quick to leave her in the first place. What she did is ethically wrong and hurtful, and if I did turly want her to be happy, then I would tell her to go be happy with the other guy. The kids can get through it, divorce happens all the time. But letting this continue as it is, is not healthy for anyone involved, not even the kids.

To me, it sounds like what she has with the other man isn't love or a twin flame relationship, it's probably an unhealthy and dangerous infatuation, bordering something psychological. I don't think you can assume that he has real feelings for her, because if he did, he wouldn't be treating her badly. Even if he does, he's not good for her. The relationship they have is extremely unhealthy, so much that she should be going to therapy.

And a lot of people use the twin flame/soul mate excuse to hide the fact that they have developed an unhealthy emotional attatchment to someone.

[Aldous]

Another interesting thread from Astrostar archives. Use google to find it. I can't post links until I have 15 posts.

i had sex with another man, and all i could - (by OceanFish)

Topic:i had sex with another man, and all i could think of was my twin!! please help, why am i not allowed to have another man????

OceanFish from AstroStar Astrology
i had sex with another man, and all i could think of was my twin!! please help, why am i not allowed to have another man???? Posted 1-7-2003 16:50

[Impulsv]

I suspect my exhusband had met his tf when he asked for seperation. I said ok I'll make it easy for you. Why because for the first time he showed me he was unhappy with me
Why would I want him by my side out of obligation so I let him go
As I found it selfish for me. N I was just two months out of my last chemo.
But in setting him free I met my tf soon after.

Not sure if forcing ur partner to stay with is best thing
I find there are karmic repercussion. Could have guilt tripped ect Ect. But I just let it go.
Now if ur wife wants to stay out of her own accord which sound like she is then
Let it be her choice

[lancing]

Every comment on this thread really resonates with me. I believe that the bond of marriage is a beautiful, sacred thing that deserves the greatest amount of respect...at least I thought I did. Spouses love and support one another in ways that are truly undefinable. Cheating in any form or fashion is the MOST devastating hit to that bond. That bond is something that is established and built upon and that grows and becomes stronger over time...or at least it should. An emotional affair is unbelievably sad!

I was the third party in a marriage, and I don't care WHO we are to one another...it was wrong...it was SO wrong. We both knew it but never acknowledged it. Not really! I tried to push her away and THAT just made her come closer. She tried to break it off, I knew why, she knew why yet we never said it. Didn't matter anyway because THAT just made her come closer. Love didn't make us do that...that was pure ego satisfaction. Love is greater than that. People deserve more than that. I feel like a thief...like I had NO right...and I HAVE no right to that love...not in that way.

Twin flame...who cares? I didn't even know what the hell it was then. I don't care how much it hurts (it's effing agonizing!)...what you feel...how much you say you love someone...if you're not supposed to be with them then you're not supposed to be with them. No one should disrupt a marriage another's or their OWN, and say it's in the name of love. It's NOT...it's pure ego satisfaction. Yeah the love is real and it's unbelievably strong, but how silly is it to feel that you are controlled by it? I thought I was, and in some ways I still think I am...but I'm learning better...recognizing the truth. Isn't that the point? Isn't that why the whole experience is the way it is? So that we can learn better...grow as souls...open the door to that growth...understand the truth about love?

Once it is done, all you have is this undeniable love, constant thoughts and memories, ridiculous dreams, roller coaster emotions (That make you feel insane because you feel they're not all yours), and this indescribable feeling of missing someone SO much (a feeling that's always existed). And it feels like a great violation to feel any of those things. I agree with Lorelyen there. There is no bitterness or regrets...if there was, then I wouldn't be able to take my lumps and learn my lessons. It reminds me of something my mother says: "When you're doing wrong, you're bound to be caught with your drawers down around your ankles." It's as simple as that.

I hope that her marriage and their love and bond has grown because of our time and our experiences together, because no matter how secure I feel...no matter what forgiveness I attain...I will ALWAYS feel like my presence in her life and her marriage was an intrusion. Because I love her...and do LOVE her...I only want the best for her and LOVE manifested in her life in the healthiest ways possible. I'm not healthy...literally and figuratively. The push and the pull...pssh...we're stronger than that...LOVE is stronger than that.

I can only imagine the devastation of being the spouse that has to go through your partner falling in love with someone else. Maybe the other person in Cafedoc's situation feels the same way. He should. There are many, many lessons here...I hope that your wife learns hers. I hope that you and/or your marriage becomes stronger because of them. Hell, if she is a true twin flame (whatever that is) then perhaps once she reaches unconditional love she'll realize the outstanding bond and relationship she already has and what devastation can be wrought by believing that you MUST be with your twin flame romantically. Perhaps she'll see that love is much greater than our puny feelings and our desire to be satisfied physically.

[Yourkiss73]

And I am one who believes that there are times when a soul mate comes even during a marriage. For a reason. To shake things up or force change. Just because two people fall in love while married does not mean it's all about selfish sex. It does not mean it is not love. I'm not condoning cheating but don't kid yourself that you are the big bad wolf intruding in the middle of a fairytale romance marriage. A happy wife would not fall in love with someone else. Let me repeat- a truly happy wife married to the one who is meant for her would not fall in love with someone else. I can tell you if I was married to my divine connection there is no one who would ever be able to catch my eye but him. I'd have no desire or conne tion to anyone else.

[lancing]

Originally Posted by Yourkiss73

And I am one who believes that there are times when a soul mate comes even during a marriage. For a reason. To shake things up or force change. Just because two people fall in love while married does not mean it's all about selfish sex. It does not mean it is not love. I'm not condoning cheating but don't kid yourself that you are the big bad wolf intruding in the middle of a fairytale romance marriage. A happy wife would not fall in love with someone else. Let me repeat- a truly happy wife married to the one who is meant for her would not fall in love with someone else. I can tell you if I was married to my divine connection there is no one who would ever be able to catch my eye but him. I'd have no desire or conne tion to anyone else.

The thing is...it's not about coming in between a 'happy' marriage. It is NO one's place to think that they can provide someone the happiness they do not have or that they think they should have. In love, there is no space for judgment or comparison...to assume that you have something better to offer someone else because you're a 'twin flame' or 'soul connection' or whatever is bollocks. I don't care how bad someone else's relationship is no one has the right to infringe on it or think that they are so great that they can just turn someone's head and offer them some 'better' life.

If someone is not happy then they are not happy. Any happiness that is attained will simply be temporary. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to be the sole source of anyone's happiness. I'd much rather be with a happy stable person. I understand it's much different when you love someone so much for absolutely NO tangible reason. There is a great part of you that just can't help yourself, but you can't deny the rational mind. For me, my rational mind told me that NEITHER one of us was in the right space within ourselves or within our lives. That any relationship between us was ill-fated based on the simple fact that we were messed up without even realizing. Healing needed to be done on either side.

If you're not happy in your relationship, no one else can fix that. I agree they shouldn't be looking for love outside of their marriage, and that doesn't make any party bad. Good people sometimes don't have the best methods. Sometimes you get to a place where you feel trapped or obligated and you engage in unhealthy ways of escaping. It happens, especially in marriages where a lot has happened and people just grow apart. That doesn't mean that there isn't a bond there and that it's not still beautiful, and it certainly doesn't mean that there shouldn't be respect for that.

Sometimes you meet people that just turn your world upside and make you feel so deeply so quickly...it's truly incomprehensible, especially when it's FAR beyond anything physical. The feelings can be altogether consuming and controlling. If you're controlled by these strong feelings, which happens...and you make mistakes...that's okay. Mistakes happen for a reason. You're gifted many valuable lessons from those mistakes. The 'twin flame' experience is about unconditional love and with that comes unconditional understanding and acceptance and patience and so much more. With that love, you become stronger and more mature. Bonds are not always perfect or happy but that doesn't mean they should be broken. It also doesn't mean they should stay together. But some experiences make them stronger and some weaker. I'm personally not waiting for someone's relationship to break up so that I can 'win' that person back. Life is too damn short and not nearly so romantic. Besides, it's about love...the love is enough...the love is the only thing.

I don't want to be with someone who is unhappy. For me, I was never under the illusion that there was a 'happy' marriage...fairytales are for books. There are no heroes. There is no saving of another human being or another soul. However, no one ever really comes in between a couple. The problems that are in a relationship are created by the two of them. They each have problems internally and these problems are illuminated by external actions i.e. cheating. I agree with you that I wouldn't have my eye turned by anyone else, but that's for any relationship not just 'divine counterpart.' I can only advocate it for You're right no happily married person would be engaging in any behavior that can be misconstrued as cheating or lead to it. But in essence, cheating is a tool for learning for all parties involved. I don't know about anyone else...but I'm learning my lessons.

[Aldous]

I wonder how cafedoc123 and his wife are doing now that the great truth about the human race has been revealed to them. Everyone should pay attention to this.

[T.L.M.]

I came to realize aswell; if you were together before being born on earth; melded as one energy.... Do you think the higherselves care about fake notions such as marriage and societal rules. In my situation I am fully aware that my sexual creative energies as well as gods and my true loves is in a unified braid(constant threesome); so anyone who is entangled in this with your spouse. Remember this: their twin is "technically" sexually cheating on their twin with you; So if you think that a twin is there to destroy your marriage, think again! They are their to join it.... You think; well that's not fair; well is it fair that you indirectly meld your sex energies into the other every time you sleep with said twin? Think about it; who wouldn't want 2 true love partners unconditionally loving a third? Since the third is vamping energies off of the other twin who isn't even in the relationship; how do think the other twin feels having their sex energies syphoned or feeling yours being put into them; especially if they don't want your energies in their clay jug/human form? This is about creating new ways of doing things; re thinking what family means. etc. Building new relation(s). Think about it.... If your twin swhirls their spouses energies into you and yours into them; aren't they cheating on you with someone who they aren't truly in love with regardless of circumstance.... Which in my situation;; I'm here to join their relationship; unless its out the door and cant recover otherwise. Also what if said spouse finds their true love; can it turn into a 4way love square; especially if kids are involved? Why is everyone so stuck on marriages being teams of just 2; or having to be male and female..... What if you can merge 2 separate families..... Imagine 2 couples; both with the wrong partner; all they have to do is switch said partner and both have their true loves; why not merge both families; especially if the bonds are strong; creating a new bond. The 2 true loves; learning to unconditionally love the other partner until all 4 are in true love with eachother; creating a 4 partner love square. Imagine that especially if all 4 are committed on a true pure level. Thats is why I stay single for my true love and their spouse to accept these terms, does it mean ill go find a 4th? No; but what if said spouse finds their twin can we merge all 4? Especially if the bond is too strong to let go of someone especially if youve been together for 5-10 yrs and unconditionally love them let alone true love; imagine the sex???? OOPS, mind wandering. What if everyone is being kept from their true love all across the globe & no one wants to move on from their conditional/pure love relations trapping someone from their beloved without even knowing?