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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 29-06-2016, 02:45 PM
cafedoc123 cafedoc123 is offline
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my wife has found her twin flame

I think I have a somewhat unique problem related to the twin flame idea. No, I'm not looking for my TF nor have I found one. But my wife has. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.

A little background: my wife and I have been married for 10 years; we have a seven year old daughter together, and I am proud to be dad to her 2 other daughters (11 and 16). My wife is an incredibly spiritual person, far more advanced than I can ever hope to be. She is a certified life coach, and an artist. She has always been interested in exploring her spiritual side. I am constantly in awe of her maturity and depth of being.

Our marriage has always been solid. We are both faithful to one another and our family. We support each other in all that we do. About 2 years ago, she met a teacher at our daughter's school. He's kind of a neat guy, smart, well-liked by the students, and also a local musician of some renown. They began exchanging emails mostly about kids and school subjects, but also began to express to each other that they felt like they knew each other really well, and that there was some kind of connection. Nothing flirtatious or incriminating, but a deepening affection between them both. One night, while out with friends listening to music, they crossed paths, and he was suddenly distant and cold, telling her "I don't want any drama."

My wife was crushed. I knew something was off, and she told me what was going on and what she was feeling (I did not know about this before this event). She was completely open and honest about what she was feeling, even though she didn't really understand what it was at the time. Interestingly, the whole experience seemed to open a new level of intimacy for us, even though she basically told me she was in love with this guy.

Their relationship (if you can call it that) continued in this roller coaster fashion. He would be friendly and warm to her again (no further emails), only to suddenly pull back abruptly. My wife would alternate between these incredible highs and soul-crushing lows. I don't think she wanted to have an affair with this man, or leave our marriage; she was simply trying to understand why she had such an intense bond and reaction to this person. After some exploration, she has come to the conclusion that they must be Twin Flames.

Although this certainly explains a lot of what is going on with her internally, it has not led to any sort of resolution of the situation. It continues to be one of wild swings in emotion. My guess is that he probably has strong feelings for her, but because of his position at the school, is wisely (?) keeping himself distant. This hunch that I have about his feelings for her have recently been somewhat confirmed by a third party.

So, what? What's my issue? I am feeling a complicated set of emotions about this whole thing. I am not into polyamory or an open marriage. I don't want to share my wife with another man. It's a bit uncomfortable for me to think that my wife is involved in an emotional affair, albeit a one-sided one. On the other hand, I'm not as bothered by this as perhaps I should be. My wife is on cloud 9 when the "relationship" is good. She is very honest and open with me about the whole thing, and continues to reassure me that she is committed to me and our family and that she is not going anywhere. So, yes, I'm happy when she is happy, but this all seems so . . . weird.

tl;dr--my wife has found her twin flame in another man, and I'm not sure how to understand that. Any thoughts and observations would be appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 29-06-2016, 03:32 PM
Robinski78 Robinski78 is offline
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It's really a strange situation cafedoc and one that many would not be able to cope with, especially with the dignity and honesty both of you are expending...

I do hope things settle down for you both with a satisfactory outcome, concluding the episode...

I hope others here, will have far more 'in-depth' answers for you, (than I could come up with) that will give both of you peace of mind...

Robbie....
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  #3  
Old 29-06-2016, 03:36 PM
RedBasket RedBasket is offline
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You are such a good and kind husband to your wife! Wow! You are much more spiritual than you give yourself credit to have this approach to the situation.

My quick take is that her TF mirrors her in a unique and almost mystical way, so right now she is learning whole new layers of herself for the first time - both the delightful aspects and the wounds that still need healing.

I think it is very possible for you to continue in your marriage as long as you know that this TF thing isn't a rejection of you, it isn't her wanting polyamorous relationship (not necessarily - my hunch is not). But it is an opportunity for her to dive deeper into her self.

The rejection of the man is part of this process and part of her agony... it is a reminder of how she was rejected in childhood in certain ways, and how she abandoned herself, at least at some point in her life. So don't take her anguish personally. It isn't caused by you and it can't be healed by you (or her TF) and only herself. She sounds insightful enough to realize that her stirred up feelings of longing can't be healed by this man ... this is another good sign for your marriage to continue.

If you love each other and want to stay together you certainly can. Good luck.
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  #4  
Old 29-06-2016, 03:37 PM
Heart Heart is offline
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Hello and welcome to SF.

Your situation is familiar to I.
When your wife 'found' her twin flame she found someone who reflects her inner self in the form of loving energy. We all confuse this love for something we need or want and desire or lust after it in such a manor that it could construed a falling in love with someone outside your marrage

What she is in need of doing is to overcome the attachments to results. Her suffering comes from within her own heart and mind everything she thinks and feels her tf and as he comes and goes like the wind shows I he needs to mature a lot before he has grasped the concept of true love.

Your marriage will eventuall suffer if she continues to base her experience of TFs on neediness and desires. Her task in these connections is to find that balance within her heart and mind . Remember it is the energy behind true love she feels for this guy it is like Swiss cheese... filled with holes of nothings only to entice her down a path of mind bending suffering. So she is eluding herself if she thinks there's more to TFs than meets the eye.
These connections are the illusions of true love when we divulge in the idea that we are getting something out of it.

Marrage trumps these connections. Children become the glue that binds the marrage. True love can be experienced outside of these things but it is with a strong heart that it should be done.

The only way for her to find some peace of mind and heart is to let him go.......utterly. no matter how hard that is. when I say let go. She let's go her attachment to him.

If you need more help you can pm I I have experienced this before so know where it leads to if it's not understand properly
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  #5  
Old 29-06-2016, 03:53 PM
Corasan Corasan is offline
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Hmm ... so the 45 years old, married guy with children ... addicted to my 24 years old TF, online ... is the same you talk about HEART ...? :(
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  #6  
Old 29-06-2016, 04:20 PM
Sugar-n-Spice Sugar-n-Spice is offline
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So I will tell you that you are extremely impressive--excellent husband, highly empathetic to the entire scenario, with a quite profound understanding -- which exemplifies the magnitude of the connection that you have with your wife and the depth of the appreciation you have for her.
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  #7  
Old 29-06-2016, 04:40 PM
taurusnsane taurusnsane is offline
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oh wow, what an intestesting twist in this forum.

maybe its time for you also to dig a little deeper, become more spiritual, to listen to your heart. Remember that all this situation is pre-planned by you and them. You are supposed to learn from this and they also. I just have no idea what, but you have the answers if you will enter to this world.

but in the other hand.. man, I feel sorry for you. The love someone feels for their twin is very very big. I dont have any encouraring words to say to you. Maybe the pain/situation hasnt really hit you and you are taking it lightly but at some point I think the "click" will come and you will understand what to do and your next moves.

But like I said, remember that this is the way it is- planned this way. So there must be karma or something really important between all this...

I have nothing to say though, I am really shocked that I read this. When you are in a twin relationship, I think the ones will understand what I mean..
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  #8  
Old 29-06-2016, 04:50 PM
Sarian Sarian is offline
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While I don't believe in twinflames, I believe there are connections out there. I was married when I met this man who turned my world upside down. I was in a terrible, abusive marriage but when I met this other man, every cell within me screamed out as if finding him finally. that in itself was the strangest experience for me. It was a living hell. The ups and downs...it created within me a needy monster. I was never needy before I met him, I became needy because it was although I craved him, needed him in my life as though he was supposed to be in my life. I cannot tell you the hell it was initially (or YEARS)... If your wife is going through this, I feel sorry for her and would want to say to her RUN from it. Especially since you seem like an amazing man. Long story short to my 'saga' is things moved around we are now together. Is it a great relationship? No. It could be, but it's not. I've changed drastically (for the better) I am certainly no longer needy by any shot...which is fantastic, but I'm more independent. Sometimes I want to leave him, but there is still that connection. I think to leave mostly because I am great alone. I don't have neediness, I'm quite content and I can take care of myself..but the good he has in him keeps me with him.

I have to say from your side, if she truly is in love or infatuated with this man, would you want to stay? I remember someone else who used to post here and he met who he claimed was his TF and when his wife found out, it was too much...she divorced him. It may get to be too much for either of you and feeling second best or plan B ...I would think you deserve more, unless she can resolve all this. Good luck.
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  #9  
Old 29-06-2016, 04:59 PM
cafedoc123 cafedoc123 is offline
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Wow. Thank you all for your replies.

I am surprised at how well I seem to be dealing with this. Maybe my wife has learned me a thing or two :)

I guess the hardest thing is looking at this as not a threat to my marriage. I find myself getting defensive when we talk about it, and my wife is very understanding of my feelings, as I try to understand hers, and what it means to her.

RedBasket--pretty insightful. She obviously has a "pain body" which is triggered by the "rejections." She recognizes this, and this whole episode has been an opportunity for her to dig deep and really intensely examine herself.

heart--I think she is doing a fair job (so far) of not confusing what she is feeling with love. If I understand it correctly, that's not exactly what the Twin Flame thing is necessarily about. Or is it? She states that she is committed to us, and I believe her. Feel free to PM me.

Again, so far this is a one-sided "affair." So, I feel threatened more by "what if" scenarios than actual events. I too would like this to resolve in some fashion, for us, and especially for her.
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  #10  
Old 29-06-2016, 05:04 PM
RedRose RedRose is offline
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Hi, Cafedoc...Your situation is similar to mine, with the exception that it's my husband (who turned out to have quite a few mental issues) who'd found his TF (3 yrs ago) and my marriage was always rocky to begin with...My husband is 45 y/o, his TF is 52 y/o........It sounds like you and your wife have a solid marriage to hold on to so I hope you and your wife can work through this experience together.

I agree with Heart, TFs are a mirror for what we need to work on...My marriage was never solid even from the beginning and there were red flags which I didn't heed...My husband's TF experience has brought about everything I'd suspected out into the open........My husband met his TF at work as well (she's a co-worker)...He'd "rescued" her from work situations...He'd done this 3 yrs prior with another female coworker at his previous employment...I had always wondered why he had this constant need to be a "hero" or constant need for attention...We've been married for 14 yrs (I'm trying to get separated from him right now but he's not letting me go easily) and he was diagnosed with ADD 6 yrs ago...He also has a Victims Mentality, most likely his entire life now that I look back in our history and from what his family has disclosed...Both of these mental conditions combined has made him a constant liar and cheater...He'd kept it well hidden with guilt trips, manipulations, coercions, etc...After his TF encounter, he's been THE worst human being to live with...His Ego is running rampant with his TF running hot & cold...He now has no friends (the coworker friends he'd verbally told me he'd chosen over me)....His work is now suffering...and his relationship with our 7 y/o is on thin ice...1.5 yrs ago, after realizing that this wasn't my idea of a real marriage, I went through a Dark Night of the Soul...I came out of it realizing that I can unconditionally love him and asked him if he still wanted this marriage and that if he did, he needed to commit to it for once...He's never given me an answer, but he told me to just "go and take care of yourself"...During this time, I did some soul searching and self loving and decided to join a gym for the first time in my life...And that was where I met a Soulmate...He is my Personal Trainer...A very old soul at age 22 (then) who's now 23 y/o...He's become a good friend and a great advisor...6 months later, I met my TF...He's only 18 y/o...I'm 47 y/o, so obviously we're not meant to have a romantic relationship..lol...When I first met my TF, I knew nothing of him being my TF, to me he's just another young activity instructor to my son...However, after meeting my TF, I noticed my anxiousness to push my husband for an answer on the status of our marriage...At the same time, I started noticing my irregular heart beats and what I thought were hot flashes, at my old age and all..lol....But I double checked my health and I was fine, actually better than fine since I'd been going to the gym and getting physically fit...I've never really looked my age and now with my gym routine, I definitely look in my 30's (my personal trainer keeps forgetting how old I am!..lol)...I really thought something was wrong with me till March of this year...The universe finally set up circumstances to show me that my son's activity instructor was indeed my TF...This intense feeling between TFs is definitely not for the faint of hearts...People who are not spiritually awakened or enlightened or balanced (within their feminine and masculine) can be overwhelmed by this intensity...The universe will not allow you to use people to fill voids within yourself...Its probably why TFs are mirrors to what we need to work on and clear out to properly handle this intense feeling of True Love or Divine Love...This can all be achieved even with being in a marriage, as long as there is love and support between spouses..:)

I think if you and your spouse stay true to yourselves, keep your communication open, honesty and love between you, I'm sure you can both benefit from this experience...Its all about making us connected to our Souls and closer to the Divine............Sending love and light to you both on this journey...:)
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