Please Help - What's been happening to me?

[Joseph123]

I wasn't sure where else to turn for advice on this subject, so I thought I would return to the forum that once helped me so much, during the early part of my spiritual awakening.

The time period from about July of 2012 until December of 2013 was the happiest period of my life, since my childhood. (I'm 24.) This was the period that immediately followed my spiritual awakening. Nearly overnight, I became extremely spiritual, committed to loving myself and others unconditionally.

However, during the first few months of this period, there was still some lingering depression. I posted about it on here. A very kind woman messaged me, and we started to e-mail together. I described how I was feeling, and she told me that she believed that the thoughts and emotions that I were experiencing were not my own. She told me that we can sometimes attract spirits of a similar vibration, that can become attached to us.

She told me that, one night, she was going to do something to help me. I don't recall exactly what she said that she did. It may have been a distance healing, combined with reiki, combined with prayer. She said that she identified spirits that were attached to me, and that she sent them into the light.

When I read her e-mail, telling me what she had done, I felt the most indescribable lift in emotion that I've ever experienced. It was like I had been blind before, and could suddenly see. During the days that followed, I remembered thinking to myself that this were the watershed moment of my life: I couldn't ever remember what it was like "before."

During this 15 months of great happiness, one thing that I experienced was an unbelievable amount of energy. I only needed to sleep for 4 hours per night. I would spring out of my bed at 4AM. I would immediately do an intense workout. I would then spend time cleaning the apartment. I was excited to be alive and lived with incredible purpose. I took on challenges and goals that I had always wanted to do. During this period, I discovered who I truly was as a person. I became a good person. I developed a friendship with my brother, with whom I lived during college. These feelings of extraordinary elation lasted until December of 2013, about 15 months later.

In December of 2013, I went home from college for Christmas vacation. My brother and I stayed with our mother, in her apartment. I seem to remember the first week or so of the break going very well. I felt normal, as I had been for the previous 15 months. I first noticed that things weren't right shortly after or around Christmas, when I was unable to awaken on time, after my usual 4 hours of sleep. I couldn't get out of bed. I was lethargic.

The only thing of note that I can recall happening at around this time, when I was staying with my mother, was that I spent a lot of time with my female friend, Elizabeth, and her sister. I developed quite a crush on her sister, Cate. During this span of a week or so, I felt a little bit down and strange, but nothing major.

On December 27th or so, my brother and I accompanied our father to Honolulu. We arrived at night. I can't recall if it was the next day or the day after or a couple of days after, but something happened. It was like I snapped. While on this island paradise, I had a thought that seemed scary: I imagined myself getting older, and the young girls that I liked to date at the time no longer liking me. I saw young girls at the hotel that I liked, and a lot of older retirees at the hotel, as well. I pictured myself as an old man and began to feel afraid and unlovable.

This thought, which I can remember having for the first time, spiraled out of control. I had never experienced anything like it before. There were times that I would have to excuse myself to our hotel room, and just sit there, obsessing and fixating about that subject. That fear ruined my trip. I didn't think about much else for that entire vacation. I had never before experienced mental processes like that. It felt like I had lost my mind.

When I got back to Washington and resumed my college, the obsessions about aging had subsided, but other obsessions had taken its place. I began to feel fears about my spiritual beliefs. That, and every other random, weird thing that came to mind.

These obsessive tendencies and anxieties leveled off a bit, until I had an experience with Elizabeth, my best friend, the girl I mentioned above. She and I had sex, spontaneously. The next morning, this girl for whom I had never felt any sort of romantic or sexual inklings, began to feel like the love of my life. It was that morning that she broke my heart. I basically lost my mind again. I have never felt such depression in my entire life. A period of obsession of a couple of months ensued. I got some closure when she told me that she didn't want to ever speak to me again. After that, the matter was closed and I've not thought of her since.

That was my senior year of college. I graduated and then started a job. Being financially independent for the first time in my life, obsessions about money and a lack of abundance began to fill my life. Although I'm very stable now, those fears are still there. I'm much better now than I was during the end of my senior year of college, but I am still not nearly back to where I was during the period that preceded it.

I spend a lot of my time obsessing about things and feeling anxiety. I sometimes feel like negative thoughts are "attacking" me. I feel very lethargic. When I get home from work, I feel like I'm dead. I fall asleep on the couch. It's like I don't have the will or the energy to do simple tasks, such as putting away the laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or exercising. I'm the exact opposite of who I was during the amazing time period that I described.

Does anybody have any idea what's been happening to me? Do you agree with my assessment, given everything that I've described, that I'm experiencing entity attachment? That the thoughts and emotions that I've been experiencing are not my own? If so, can anyone replicate what that nice woman did for me? What shall I do?

-Bless you.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Joseph123

I wasn't sure where else to turn for advice on this subject, so I thought I would return to the forum that once helped me so much, during the early part of my spiritual awakening.

The time period from about July of 2012 until December of 2013 was the happiest period of my life, since my childhood. (I'm 24.) This was the period that immediately followed my spiritual awakening. Nearly overnight, I became extremely spiritual, committed to loving myself and others unconditionally.

However, during the first few months of this period, there was still some lingering depression. I posted about it on here. A very kind woman messaged me, and we started to e-mail together. I described how I was feeling, and she told me that she believed that the thoughts and emotions that I were experiencing were not my own. She told me that we can sometimes attract spirits of a similar vibration, that can become attached to us.

She told me that, one night, she was going to do something to help me. I don't recall exactly what she said that she did. It may have been a distance healing, combined with reiki, combined with prayer. She said that she identified spirits that were attached to me, and that she sent them into the light.

When I read her e-mail, telling me what she had done, I felt the most indescribable lift in emotion that I've ever experienced. It was like I had been blind before, and could suddenly see. During the days that followed, I remembered thinking to myself that this were the watershed moment of my life: I couldn't ever remember what it was like "before."

During this 15 months of great happiness, one thing that I experienced was an unbelievable amount of energy. I only needed to sleep for 4 hours per night. I would spring out of my bed at 4AM. I would immediately do an intense workout. I would then spend time cleaning the apartment. I was excited to be alive and lived with incredible purpose. I took on challenges and goals that I had always wanted to do. During this period, I discovered who I truly was as a person. I became a good person. I developed a friendship with my brother, with whom I lived during college. These feelings of extraordinary elation lasted until December of 2013, about 15 months later.

In December of 2013, I went home from college for Christmas vacation. My brother and I stayed with our mother, in her apartment. I seem to remember the first week or so of the break going very well. I felt normal, as I had been for the previous 15 months. I first noticed that things weren't right shortly after or around Christmas, when I was unable to awaken on time, after my usual 4 hours of sleep. I couldn't get out of bed. I was lethargic.

The only thing of note that I can recall happening at around this time, when I was staying with my mother, was that I spent a lot of time with my female friend, Elizabeth, and her sister. I developed quite a crush on her sister, Cate. During this span of a week or so, I felt a little bit down and strange, but nothing major.

On December 27th or so, my brother and I accompanied our father to Honolulu. We arrived at night. I can't recall if it was the next day or the day after or a couple of days after, but something happened. It was like I snapped. While on this island paradise, I had a thought that seemed scary: I imagined myself getting older, and the young girls that I liked to date at the time no longer liking me. I saw young girls at the hotel that I liked, and a lot of older retirees at the hotel, as well. I pictured myself as an old man and began to feel afraid and unlovable.

This thought, which I can remember having for the first time, spiraled out of control. I had never experienced anything like it before. There were times that I would have to excuse myself to our hotel room, and just sit there, obsessing and fixating about that subject. That fear ruined my trip. I didn't think about much else for that entire vacation. I had never before experienced mental processes like that. It felt like I had lost my mind.

When I got back to Washington and resumed my college, the obsessions about aging had subsided, but other obsessions had taken its place. I began to feel fears about my spiritual beliefs. That, and every other random, weird thing that came to mind.

These obsessive tendencies and anxieties leveled off a bit, until I had an experience with Elizabeth, my best friend, the girl I mentioned above. She and I had sex, spontaneously. The next morning, this girl for whom I had never felt any sort of romantic or sexual inklings, began to feel like the love of my life. It was that morning that she broke my heart. I basically lost my mind again. I have never felt such depression in my entire life. A period of obsession of a couple of months ensued. I got some closure when she told me that she didn't want to ever speak to me again. After that, the matter was closed and I've not thought of her since.

That was my senior year of college. I graduated and then started a job. Being financially independent for the first time in my life, obsessions about money and a lack of abundance began to fill my life. Although I'm very stable now, those fears are still there. I'm much better now than I was during the end of my senior year of college, but I am still not nearly back to where I was during the period that preceded it.

I spend a lot of my time obsessing about things and feeling anxiety. I sometimes feel like negative thoughts are "attacking" me. I feel very lethargic. When I get home from work, I feel like I'm dead. I fall asleep on the couch. It's like I don't have the will or the energy to do simple tasks, such as putting away the laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or exercising. I'm the exact opposite of who I was during the amazing time period that I described.

Does anybody have any idea what's been happening to me? Do you agree with my assessment, given everything that I've described, that I'm experiencing entity attachment? That the thoughts and emotions that I've been experiencing are not my own? If so, can anyone replicate what that nice woman did for me? What shall I do?

-Bless you.

The journey of self is up and down, round and round, until it levels out enough that we can maintain our inner balance more frequently and consistently. While we are growing, letting go and understanding ourselves in process, the spirals will move us to heightened pleasurable feelings, high energy but then balance will plunge us downward to integrate and deepen the experiences of life and feelings into a deeper more lasting balance of being.You are learning the nature of this through your physical experience and feeling mode of being.

Every human that lands on earth, is immediately conditioned by what is, we become what the world around us has already been created as. If we are immersed in fears and suppressed bodies of those around us, we become what they are to some degree. So the attachment to entity is in fact the immersion of others as they are in us creating a skewed perception of our sense of self. So in this way of being you, naturally much of what you letting go of is conditioned state. Conditioned from the time of your birth till now. When you are older and experiencing life in ways you describe, you come to learn what all that has become in you, what patterns you have created through all that, how the heavier weight you carry within, can drain you, deplete you and bring you down to become aware of yourself more deeply in relation to all that.

When you energy, physical self is feeling something, it pays to listen and respond to your own self care and needs. We are to listen to our bodies as a whole vessel and take care of ourselves in every way. So when you fall into the space of "no energy" this speaks to me that you are functioning on low energy through the day and depleting faster, which is often reflected what we are taking on and allowing to stick in us. When your body is clear and more open and flowing, things don't stick, you are not so drained and weighed down in your movements.

Your learning another level of listening to your needs, taking more care, becoming aware of balance, understanding that to function more consistently and not collapse in a heap, we need to listen more intently throughout the day to what our body is speaking to us. Stop and check in with yourself throughout the day and ask yourself how you are feeling. Stop and check in with yourself and ask, what do I need that I am not supporting myself with in this moment. This way you wont crash and burn, but rather manage yourself more in a balanced measured way of being. Filling up during your waking hours in ways to support you to have energy later in the day.

Letting go of any thoughts that this is about others helps, because if you keep entertaining the idea of entity and others, you often miss what your internal world deeper is trying to convey to you. So learn to relax more, listen more and ground in your body more. Take walks in nature when you can, walk barefoot on the earth, all those kind of things that support your over all well being.

[LadyMay]

Everyone has entity attachment to some degree. I would try not to focus on it and find simpler ways to deal with your lethargy, obsessions, and anxiety. Such as eating better food, speaking positively to yourself, and finding new hobbies that interest you.

The problem is with these kinds of psychic healings is that they rarely last long, they are sort of like patchware that mends an issue for a while but doesn't really fix the issue. What the actual root issue is, is anyone's guess (said with years of experience), so I pretty much find that problem hunting irrelevant. It is too time consuming, and it just makes you focus more on the negative, instead of spending time focusing on the positive and actively making life better for yourself.

[Nameless]

Hi Joseph - Good to see you on here, although maybe not under these circumstances.

Isn't life like a rollercoaster? With it's ups and downs?

I have come to believe, from my perspective of being much older than you are, that I have learned the most about myself when in the depths of despair. It is easy to live life in Joy, and we all want to do that as much as possible, and you can learn to stay there as much as possible, but life is for learning as well, and unfortunately sometimes life gives us lemons.

It's how we handle the lemons that makes us who we are.

I have a son about your age, and have watched him take a similar journey, and have huge ups and downs, and he has been through the fire and out the other side, and he is a different person, more himself, more able to be confortable in his own skin and not so worried about what others think about him, and has learned he is in charge of his life. He was giving away his power to others, and going down paths that were destructive, and because of that, had to face some consequences, but through it all, he learned so much about himself that I am so proud of him, because I knew it all along, but he had to learn it for himself. He had to learn how to love himself first, and take care of his own dreams and goals and put himself first.

Abraham has a saying - when we are in Joy - great. when we are facing massive contrast - great. Because from the contrast, we learn what we don't want.

The lesson is in figuring out, by examining what happened and what you don't want, you can come to some conclusions about what you DO want.

And how can you find that without the contrast?

My 2 cents - it's ok to be where you are, because wherever you are is ok. It's the jumping off place.

To feel better, when I am in that place of lethargy and on the low end of the emotional scale - and it happens when we don't pay attention to how we are feeling and just react to what is around us and happening around us - is to tell myself in the morning - today I am going to feel a little bit better than I did yesterday. And allow that you can do that.

Within a week you will be feeling so much better, and the anxieties and worries will fall away as you raise your vibration. You are just vibrating on the lower emotions, and there is a momentum that happens that starts attracting from those lower vibrations that we can all get stuck in.

The lesson is learning how to get out of them.

And the next lesson is learning how not to get back into them - but these are life long lessons, so my 2 cents - stop beating yourself up and just try to feel a bit better each day and soon, you will not even remember what all the fuss was about!

Love and Light

[shoni7510]

You seem to be dealing with depression and anxiety that i believe you may benefit from talking to a therapist about. You are also trying to find your way in this world that you can benefit from from self help books.

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by Joseph123

I wasn't sure where else to turn for advice on this subject, so I thought I would return to the forum that once helped me so much, during the early part of my spiritual awakening.

The time period from about July of 2012 until December of 2013 was the happiest period of my life, since my childhood. (I'm 24.) This was the period that immediately followed my spiritual awakening. Nearly overnight, I became extremely spiritual, committed to loving myself and others unconditionally.

However, during the first few months of this period, there was still some lingering depression. I posted about it on here. A very kind woman messaged me, and we started to e-mail together. I described how I was feeling, and she told me that she believed that the thoughts and emotions that I were experiencing were not my own. She told me that we can sometimes attract spirits of a similar vibration, that can become attached to us.

She told me that, one night, she was going to do something to help me. I don't recall exactly what she said that she did. It may have been a distance healing, combined with reiki, combined with prayer. She said that she identified spirits that were attached to me, and that she sent them into the light.

When I read her e-mail, telling me what she had done, I felt the most indescribable lift in emotion that I've ever experienced. It was like I had been blind before, and could suddenly see. During the days that followed, I remembered thinking to myself that this were the watershed moment of my life: I couldn't ever remember what it was like "before."

During this 15 months of great happiness, one thing that I experienced was an unbelievable amount of energy. I only needed to sleep for 4 hours per night. I would spring out of my bed at 4AM. I would immediately do an intense workout. I would then spend time cleaning the apartment. I was excited to be alive and lived with incredible purpose. I took on challenges and goals that I had always wanted to do. During this period, I discovered who I truly was as a person. I became a good person. I developed a friendship with my brother, with whom I lived during college. These feelings of extraordinary elation lasted until December of 2013, about 15 months later.

In December of 2013, I went home from college for Christmas vacation. My brother and I stayed with our mother, in her apartment. I seem to remember the first week or so of the break going very well. I felt normal, as I had been for the previous 15 months. I first noticed that things weren't right shortly after or around Christmas, when I was unable to awaken on time, after my usual 4 hours of sleep. I couldn't get out of bed. I was lethargic.

The only thing of note that I can recall happening at around this time, when I was staying with my mother, was that I spent a lot of time with my female friend, Elizabeth, and her sister. I developed quite a crush on her sister, Cate. During this span of a week or so, I felt a little bit down and strange, but nothing major.

On December 27th or so, my brother and I accompanied our father to Honolulu. We arrived at night. I can't recall if it was the next day or the day after or a couple of days after, but something happened. It was like I snapped. While on this island paradise, I had a thought that seemed scary: I imagined myself getting older, and the young girls that I liked to date at the time no longer liking me. I saw young girls at the hotel that I liked, and a lot of older retirees at the hotel, as well. I pictured myself as an old man and began to feel afraid and unlovable.

This thought, which I can remember having for the first time, spiraled out of control. I had never experienced anything like it before. There were times that I would have to excuse myself to our hotel room, and just sit there, obsessing and fixating about that subject. That fear ruined my trip. I didn't think about much else for that entire vacation. I had never before experienced mental processes like that. It felt like I had lost my mind.

When I got back to Washington and resumed my college, the obsessions about aging had subsided, but other obsessions had taken its place. I began to feel fears about my spiritual beliefs. That, and every other random, weird thing that came to mind.

These obsessive tendencies and anxieties leveled off a bit, until I had an experience with Elizabeth, my best friend, the girl I mentioned above. She and I had sex, spontaneously. The next morning, this girl for whom I had never felt any sort of romantic or sexual inklings, began to feel like the love of my life. It was that morning that she broke my heart. I basically lost my mind again. I have never felt such depression in my entire life. A period of obsession of a couple of months ensued. I got some closure when she told me that she didn't want to ever speak to me again. After that, the matter was closed and I've not thought of her since.

That was my senior year of college. I graduated and then started a job. Being financially independent for the first time in my life, obsessions about money and a lack of abundance began to fill my life. Although I'm very stable now, those fears are still there. I'm much better now than I was during the end of my senior year of college, but I am still not nearly back to where I was during the period that preceded it.

I spend a lot of my time obsessing about things and feeling anxiety. I sometimes feel like negative thoughts are "attacking" me. I feel very lethargic. When I get home from work, I feel like I'm dead. I fall asleep on the couch. It's like I don't have the will or the energy to do simple tasks, such as putting away the laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or exercising. I'm the exact opposite of who I was during the amazing time period that I described.

Does anybody have any idea what's been happening to me? Do you agree with my assessment, given everything that I've described, that I'm experiencing entity attachment? That the thoughts and emotions that I've been experiencing are not my own? If so, can anyone replicate what that nice woman did for me? What shall I do?

-Bless you.

You are experiencing ego defense mechanisms and fears. suggested read MAN AND HIS SYMBOLS by CaRL JUNG ...... nothing is wrong with you and it is not other entities or any others at all .... just part of the journey

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Joseph123

However, during the first few months of this period, there was still some lingering depression. I posted about it on here. A very kind woman messaged me, and we started to e-mail together. I described how I was feeling, and she told me that she believed that the thoughts and emotions that I were experiencing were not my own. She told me that we can sometimes attract spirits of a similar vibration, that can become attached to us.

During this 15 months of great happiness, one thing that I experienced was an unbelievable amount of energy. I only needed to sleep for 4 hours per night. I would spring out of my bed at 4AM. I would immediately do an intense workout. I would then spend time cleaning the apartment. I was excited to be alive and lived with incredible purpose. I took on challenges and goals that I had always wanted to do.

but something happened. It was like I snapped.

This thought, which I can remember having for the first time, spiraled out of control. I had never experienced anything like it before. There were times that I would have to excuse myself to our hotel room, and just sit there, obsessing and fixating about that subject. That fear ruined my trip. I didn't think about much else for that entire vacation. I had never before experienced mental processes like that. It felt like I had lost my mind.

When I got back to Washington and resumed my college, the obsessions about aging had subsided, but other obsessions had taken its place. I began to feel fears about my spiritual beliefs. That, and every other random, weird thing that came to mind.

These obsessive tendencies and anxieties leveled off a bit, until I had an experience with Elizabeth, my best friend, the girl I mentioned above. She and I had sex, spontaneously. The next morning, this girl for whom I had never felt any sort of romantic or sexual inklings, began to feel like the love of my life. It was that morning that she broke my heart. I basically lost my mind again. I have never felt such depression in my entire life. A period of obsession of a couple of months ensued. I got some closure when she told me that she didn't want to ever speak to me again.

That was my senior year of college. I graduated and then started a job. Being financially independent for the first time in my life, obsessions about money and a lack of abundance began to fill my life. Although I'm very stable now, those fears are still there. I'm much better now than I was during the end of my senior year of college, but I am still not nearly back to where I was during the period that preceded it.

I spend a lot of my time obsessing about things and feeling anxiety. I sometimes feel like negative thoughts are "attacking" me. I feel very lethargic. When I get home from work, I feel like I'm dead. I fall asleep on the couch. It's like I don't have the will or the energy to do simple tasks, such as putting away the laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or exercising. I'm the exact opposite of who I was during the amazing time period that I described.

Does anybody have any idea what's been happening to me? Do you agree with my assessment, given everything that I've described, that I'm experiencing entity attachment? That the thoughts and emotions that I've been experiencing are not my own? If so, can anyone replicate what that nice woman did for me? What shall I do?

-Bless you.

I went through a similar experience. What I found was during my spiritual breakdown I was in a state of heightened suggestibility, I could suggest anything to myself and I'd believe it, and I was very gullible and believed nearly everything that someone would tell me as long as they deeply believed it their self (i felt everyone was trust worthy).

As it relates to the woman and email, I think you were in a highly suggestible state and the effects you experienced were real but created by your mind. Psuedo effect on overload because of the heightened suggestibility, and spiritual breakdown = exploring all possible spiritual avenues means open to anything that will solve our problems).

I don't think there is any entitiy attachment. Plus you don't really want to believe in that, if you go down that rabbit hole you'll be fearing demons and angels for the rest of your life. I think the rational explanation (my opinion) is much worse than entity attachment, because it's both dreadful and also totally solvable by you but it will take so much work it's easier to believe in supernatural explantions. If that is the case here just take what I say and put it in the back of your mind.

I could wave my hands, do a prayer to God, step 3 times around in a circle clockwise, (do a ritual lol) and tell you my beliefs about how you are now free of an entity... but if you believe that then you believe the door can be opened and closed, and next time life hits you hard you'll fear the door is open again. My advice is to find a different way

-----

For my opinion on whats happening to you.... bi polar has a lot of the same symptoms that you've been experiencing.

Depression :

depression can lead to anxious thoughts and create anxiety
feelings of lethargy
isolating from social circle
intrusive thoughts
negative thoughts that don't seem to go away

and most importantly, depression doesn't always have a mental component, sometimes it's just a depression of energy and passion. We don't feel like doing much of anything, even if it needs to be done, only things that are an emergency get done and nothing forward thinking or for the future gets done, nothing productive (or very little productivity due to depression). I've dealt with depression for years and it took me a while to figure out that depression comes in different strengths, sometimes its a light drizzle and just low energy. Sometimes it's pouring rain and I want to kill myself... I never do though, I just lament at how my brain thinks such horrible things and go on with the things I need to do like working or chores.

Mania (type 1 bi polar) or hypomania (type 2)
(there is also a type 3 bi polar where there are mixed symptoms, sometimes we only get mania 1-2 times in our life but it lasts for months on end. undescribable and long lasting happiness, energy for months on end, supreme optimism, etc. it's happened to me before.)

Also, I've found life experiences can create symptoms similar to bi polar. A marriage gives everyone a few month high, it's not always a mental thing. When it happens predictably then its a mental thing and looking at it becomes a better way to live than ignoring it and living a "normal" life.

mania :

High energy and excessive activity.
Overly good mood.
Irritability or impatience.
Fast, erratic talking.
Racing thoughts.
Inability to concentrate.
Little need for sleep.
Feelings of power. Grandiose thoughts.
heightened sexuality.

- 4 hours of sleep for long periods is a bad sign unless you have a sleeping disorder.
- spontaneous sex. Bad sign of mania

-----------

It's just my opinion and I'm biased because I have it, I'm a little more likely to see it in others because I know all the text book symptoms and I have experienced them as well.

I would say it's worth looking into yourself and with the help of a therapist, self-diagnosing is a hell you don't want to experience. All I'm saying is it's curious and might be helpful if these issues are viewed through the lens of mood abnormalities.

There could also be an anxiety disorder but bi polar has obsessive thoughts and depression creates anxiety. I don't know enough of your story to say and the bi polar alone is enough to create all these problems you have so I stand strongly by that opinion.

Good luck in dealing with these challenges. Remember that the best is not behind you, you have untold growth and personal satisfaction ahead of you. Living is difficult right now because everything is hitting you at once, your brain is turning on you just when you need it most. Young adulthood is a difficult and challenging time. Give your brain some time, discipline, and your best effort and you'll do great things.The brain we have is a gift, no matter how it acts up we are in control of it and when we learn to use our gifts the way they want to be used then we really prosper.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Joseph123

I wasn't sure where else to turn for advice on this subject, so I thought I would return to the forum that once helped me so much, during the early part of my spiritual awakening.

The time period from about July of 2012 until December of 2013 was the happiest period of my life, since my childhood. (I'm 24.) This was the period that immediately followed my spiritual awakening. Nearly overnight, I became extremely spiritual, committed to loving myself and others unconditionally.

However, during the first few months of this period, there was still some lingering depression. I posted about it on here. A very kind woman messaged me, and we started to e-mail together. I described how I was feeling, and she told me that she believed that the thoughts and emotions that I were experiencing were not my own. She told me that we can sometimes attract spirits of a similar vibration, that can become attached to us.

She told me that, one night, she was going to do something to help me. I don't recall exactly what she said that she did. It may have been a distance healing, combined with reiki, combined with prayer. She said that she identified spirits that were attached to me, and that she sent them into the light.

When I read her e-mail, telling me what she had done, I felt the most indescribable lift in emotion that I've ever experienced. It was like I had been blind before, and could suddenly see. During the days that followed, I remembered thinking to myself that this were the watershed moment of my life: I couldn't ever remember what it was like "before."

During this 15 months of great happiness, one thing that I experienced was an unbelievable amount of energy. I only needed to sleep for 4 hours per night. I would spring out of my bed at 4AM. I would immediately do an intense workout. I would then spend time cleaning the apartment. I was excited to be alive and lived with incredible purpose. I took on challenges and goals that I had always wanted to do. During this period, I discovered who I truly was as a person. I became a good person. I developed a friendship with my brother, with whom I lived during college. These feelings of extraordinary elation lasted until December of 2013, about 15 months later.

In December of 2013, I went home from college for Christmas vacation. My brother and I stayed with our mother, in her apartment. I seem to remember the first week or so of the break going very well. I felt normal, as I had been for the previous 15 months. I first noticed that things weren't right shortly after or around Christmas, when I was unable to awaken on time, after my usual 4 hours of sleep. I couldn't get out of bed. I was lethargic.

The only thing of note that I can recall happening at around this time, when I was staying with my mother, was that I spent a lot of time with my female friend, Elizabeth, and her sister. I developed quite a crush on her sister, Cate. During this span of a week or so, I felt a little bit down and strange, but nothing major.

On December 27th or so, my brother and I accompanied our father to Honolulu. We arrived at night. I can't recall if it was the next day or the day after or a couple of days after, but something happened. It was like I snapped. While on this island paradise, I had a thought that seemed scary: I imagined myself getting older, and the young girls that I liked to date at the time no longer liking me. I saw young girls at the hotel that I liked, and a lot of older retirees at the hotel, as well. I pictured myself as an old man and began to feel afraid and unlovable.

This thought, which I can remember having for the first time, spiraled out of control. I had never experienced anything like it before. There were times that I would have to excuse myself to our hotel room, and just sit there, obsessing and fixating about that subject. That fear ruined my trip. I didn't think about much else for that entire vacation. I had never before experienced mental processes like that. It felt like I had lost my mind.

When I got back to Washington and resumed my college, the obsessions about aging had subsided, but other obsessions had taken its place. I began to feel fears about my spiritual beliefs. That, and every other random, weird thing that came to mind.

These obsessive tendencies and anxieties leveled off a bit, until I had an experience with Elizabeth, my best friend, the girl I mentioned above. She and I had sex, spontaneously. The next morning, this girl for whom I had never felt any sort of romantic or sexual inklings, began to feel like the love of my life. It was that morning that she broke my heart. I basically lost my mind again. I have never felt such depression in my entire life. A period of obsession of a couple of months ensued. I got some closure when she told me that she didn't want to ever speak to me again. After that, the matter was closed and I've not thought of her since.

That was my senior year of college. I graduated and then started a job. Being financially independent for the first time in my life, obsessions about money and a lack of abundance began to fill my life. Although I'm very stable now, those fears are still there. I'm much better now than I was during the end of my senior year of college, but I am still not nearly back to where I was during the period that preceded it.

I spend a lot of my time obsessing about things and feeling anxiety. I sometimes feel like negative thoughts are "attacking" me. I feel very lethargic. When I get home from work, I feel like I'm dead. I fall asleep on the couch. It's like I don't have the will or the energy to do simple tasks, such as putting away the laundry or emptying the dishwasher, or exercising. I'm the exact opposite of who I was during the amazing time period that I described.

Does anybody have any idea what's been happening to me? Do you agree with my assessment, given everything that I've described, that I'm experiencing entity attachment? That the thoughts and emotions that I've been experiencing are not my own? If so, can anyone replicate what that nice woman did for me? What shall I do?

-Bless you.

Hi Joseph.

It is said that it's always the darkest just before the dawn and a period of great spiritual progress will often be followed by a time where everything just seems to fall apart.

When it starts happening on a daily basis, like when after meditating you get angry because you cannot find your car keys...then you catch yourself and go "no use getting upset over this, let's think about it logically, now where did I last have them?"...it's all about perspective.

So, these 'bad/evil/nasty' things happen and to us, because we're directly involved in it, then we tend to blow it all up and way out of proportion to garner help, advice, sympathy or whatever else. It's just what we do and thus 'negative attachments' are created.

These 'spiritual blahs' are just tests, if you like. It's the way the universe tests us at the end of a long self-interrogation spell and a voice out of nowhere goes "so my dear one, let me see how much you have learned. I have given you this world scenario to apply your knowledge...and no, the marbles are still in MY hand, young Grasshopper..."

In the end, you realise that everything changes with the passage of time and who you are now, you won't be in a year, or five, or ten...so it makes no difference much, but you can start sewing seeds now in that 'spiritual garden' that will bloom into beautiful flowers given time and dedication...watering it with tears of love.