Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

i called
one girl
'the new you'
in poetry land

but I think her name
might have been anne
not sure
just something
I heard
once upon a time...

she was always a favorite

we ran into each other
sometimes
in bizarre places

kinda comfy i thought

one night
I looked at the way she walked
and
i got a strong feeling
she was going to approach me

of course me being me
I went blind
when she came over to my table

but whatever she saw in that moment
as i left
I could see how deeply it affected her.

weakness, snow flakes....
I've never seen a response like that.

I guess though
I saw the snow flakes
in another dream
of a city
long ago...

well i guess they weren't really flakes
but small powdered balls of snow
on a dark background.
--------------------------------------

I guess as frightened as I was
of getting slapped around
for not doing things right.
it was inevitable she'd be gone soon after.

I was a little sad about that

But I had a dream soon after,
she went off to sit in a parking lot...

I still don't know
if that
was the end of it
for her
or not...

I've thought of her often over the years...
my it has been over 15 years now I guess...
-----------------------------------------------------

been thinking of her again lately,
something about all this
just reminds me of her.

Something you said
made me think of it
yet again
so I thought I would write about it
yet again

[FallingLeaves]

I'm forever
having regrets
about missing females
I barely knew
but somehow felt close to anyway
when it is time for them to go.

'anne' is the only one
I thought
might have similar regrets

they come to not care
or they come to hate me
for not being able to do
the basic things
a male is supposed to do...

anyway all this can be just so grueling,
always feeling close, but at such a distance.
sigh.
--------------------------------------------------
when i was young
i at least got to sleep through the winters,

now not so much.

but being awake
causes a certain amount of angst
which is probably plain to see lol...

anyway the powers that be
probably wouldn't let me anywhere near
a parking lot...

but it is grueling to live that way
until one finds
another way to rest.

[Ziusudra]

Hey Falling
Happy new year!

Regrets are anchors to the pasts that can not be changed.
In my own experience, accepting all those own ''regrettable" actions/thoughts as they were meant to be and perhaps even predestined gives mind to focus on present and keeps eyes on the direction of the future.

Leave the regrets in the past.
Just keep the lessons from them.
Bring the lessons to the present
Use them for the future.

[FallingLeaves]

Hi Z

nice to see you

not so lost in it
as fond of it

[FallingLeaves]

apprehensive
strange not fighting it

getting tired
of all the names
swirling inside his head

sigh.

[FallingLeaves]

i didn't wish to say this
on the thread I had issue

because honestly
I feel like I mess into others lives
way too much already

and anyway cannot condone
berating others
for things I have done myself

even though I don't presently condone them.

Anyway
it seems to me
that
those who we call masters
don't seem to be really
resolving the issues
life has posed for us

as revered as they are.

When I saw that
when I saw how ineffective they have been
at finding a resolution
to the very real problems
which face us all...

well, I knew there was no point in following them.

even as nice the things that are supposed to come
from following that path...

it just seemed fruitless.


but then again
I'm also stubborn
and perhaps just a little mad
at having been cast out
yet again...

so what do I know?

[FallingLeaves]

doesn't know
what brought that on

but it doesn't matter
noone ever likes him anyway.

[FallingLeaves]

there was sort of a promise
that it would be somehow better
this time

but times like these
all he can think about
is all the times before
and how badly it always turns out

very discouraging.

[FallingLeaves]

hi sweetie!

join the club

god is just mean

sigh

[FallingLeaves]

yeah that is
one of the hardest things

one person will tell you one thing
another will tell you the opposite

one day you'll believe in something
another you'll believe in the opposite

there is just no rhyme or reason to it
no knowing what is 'best'
in some objective sense
because all the data
is just contrary to itself

how do you ever navigate that?